Self Care Saturdays

I'm a massive preacher when it comes to Self-care Saturdays. It's easy to look at self-care as a follow up to a bad mental health period but I now use it regularly in both the stormy and sunny moments, that self-care is now a firm part of my lifestyle. I'm sharing my simple but effective five-step self-care ritual.

I like the thought of self-care being a 'prevention rather than cure' technique and find that taking time out for myself is a major key. It's such a mood booster to actively take time out of your often super busy schedules and to spend time treating yourself.  Of course, self-care can be done on any day. Sunday is unofficially my 'Snack-seeking-Sunday's' as I try and load my stomach with cooked dinner from whoever feels in a loving mood, but by all means, make Sunday your self-care day. 

Self-care doesn't have to be expensive. I used to think that things like self-care and wellbeing were buzzwords for the elite but I promise you that's not the case. A Spa day is on my list of ultimate relaxation, but doing up DIY spa at home can be just as soothing, I've got no shame in saying that many times I've been chilling at home with my foot soaking in a random bucket.

Step 1: Turn off your phone.

(Well not now, now) Disconnect from the outside world. No socials, no texts, no calls. It's easier to connect with yourself and be present when you remove one of the biggest distractions.

Step 2: Soak in a nice hot bath.

I picked up some Bath Fizz from Baylis & Harding (My Grandma loves the brand, which means they are real boujie) If you only have access to a shower get a real flavoursome shower gel and take a long shower. ( Blaze the showerhead on different body parts for a hydro effect) 

Step 3: Put on something comfy, something that makes you feel at ease and settled.

I bought a dressing gown from Marks & Spencers for £30. I kept repeating to myself "You really spent £30 on a dressing gown what di..." Anyway, it is now my favourite item of clothing, and I refuse to be without it. 

Step 4: Put on a face mask

. Face masks for me are more than just the physical process. The whole experience feels like a sort of reset. Also when you have the mask on you're forced to slow your actions all the way down and just relax. Then if it's a good face mask boom, bam your face is left feeling brand new aka "Tunn all the way up." I tried a new face mask this time, which I found really fiddly, but it was literally what it said on the packaging, a "moisture bomb" 

Step 5: Bring out that comfort snack and devour it.

We all have that one comfort snack, or two or three, or four. *This is a judgement-free zone* I have to eat a crunchie bar, and I have a certain technique for eating it that I will only do when I am super comfortable. 

When you're ready reconnect with the world, or extend your phone absence basking in your own company. Either way, you'll be left feeling happy that you took some time out for yourself, and reminding yourself that you're an O.G (Original Gangster)

Frizzy

What’s In My Happy Box - And Why You Need One Too

I woke up on Tuesday after 5 days of tears, naps,waves of rage and craved fish soup. Fish soup in 27 degree celsius British weather? Yes, Fish soup. It's my happy, feel-good dish. It makes me feel warm and full. Cup half full or half-empty? Gurl my cup got filled all the way up. The day before, on Monday, I arrived at therapy looking like a corpse, and I have to admit I hadn’t bathed or combed my hair for 2 days. I just felt so zonked. After an hour with my therapist, I can’t lie she is a magician, I left feeling empowered. More so, because she doesn’t let me sit quietly for the hour, and she helped me to climb out of my emotional ditch and empower myself.

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Not everyone has a therapist, but everyone can have a happy box. I've been told numerous times by therapists to create a happy box that holds happy things and I've just never got around to officially doing it. As there is no time like the present I decided this week to locate an empty box and stock up. I did it because like many others I want to help myself by preparing for the bad days whilst I'm having good days.

The contents of the box are really helpful when trying to either settle heightened emotions, and when pulling yourself into the present. I'm sharing the goodies in my happy box to spark your interest in creating your own happy box. It’s all about catering to your 5 senses. Happy boxes also make the best gifts. Because of the nature of it, it’s really personal and thoughtful.

Taste

A pack of your favourite biscuits, chocolate bar, boujie herbal tea …

What’s in my box? Fish soup of course! Well it can't go in the box for obvious reasons, but I make sure that meal is included. And I always have Marks & Spencers Pistachio & Almond Cookies as back up! In my soup though I have Red bream fish, Okra, Butternut squash, Plantain, Yam, Dumpling, Spring onions, Scotch Bonnet *I've given you the ingredients because sharing is caring, but I got to be honest, my yé is different from your yé*

Smell

A fragranced candle, flavoured oil, scented soap,

What’s in my box?Some French perfume my Ga'mama has used on my since I was a baby. It's not the best smelling perfume but it brings up warm memories of being at my Ga'mamas house.

Touch

Leaves, play dough, sand, a ribbon, a piece of jewelry…

What’s in my box? I have some sea shells that I've collected at beaches throughout my travels and brought home with me. They have different textures and I love playing with them.

Hear

A music single/album, a recorded message on a USB…

What’s in my box: Miguel's 2018 album 'War & Leisure' really grounds me. The album is so wavy and follows Miguel's R&B/Soul aura. Except for 2 songs the album has no swear words and I find his voice really soothing.

My two favourite songs when I need cheering up are 'Pineapple Skies' followed by 'Caramelo Duro' which has me dancing and repeating 4/5 times.

See

Bath bombs, a prayer, uplifting quotes, photos …

What’s in my box: 3 photographs

Far right photo - This was taken in Tunisia, 2013 the first time I ever went on holiday, like actually got on a plane and left England. The picture reminds me of a time I was independent and tried something for the first time, reminding me that it will happen again.

Far left photo -  This was taken on my third birthday. My mum took me to the cinema for my first time and we saw 'Casper'. Plus I had McDonalds which was a treat. This picture reminds me that there were some really good moments in my childhood. 

Middle photo - I'm about 6-9 months old there. It brings me happiness looking back at the beautiful & peaceful lil bubba I was.

Do you have a happy box? What would/do you keep in your happy box?

Frizzy

Living With Social Anxiety

I am currently typing this on a Sunday after, yet another weekend of plans that I was a no- show too. I missed out on a Mexican night with my university classmates which would have involved a healthy dose of tequila and also partying with my sister, no doubt on tables. I have not left my house since Friday, and this has been the cycle for more months than I care to remember.

I wish I could communicate and explain why I don't turn up to plans or why I distance and isolate myself from others. I'll try to explain my anxiety in an understandable way.

When I make plans I genuinely plan to keep them. I am excited at first and look forward to enjoying the moment and creating memories. Then as the date approaches I start feeling funny, my chest feels tight, I feel really uncomfortable, and then I mysteriously feel really tired and anti. My anxiety makes me second, third and fourth guess myself. It makes me feel like friends have abandoned me and I'm on the outside. I am on the outside but realistically I'm the one putting myself there.

I don't want to miss out on things, I'm in my 20s I want to run around wild and shake a leg but, I find myself with an unlimited mental list of things I need to know before I consider leaving my house. Who will be there? How will I navigate? Is there definitely parking? And most importantly will I be able to cope?

It's confusing because I'm not a shy person. Like seriously, not in the slightest. I'd describe myself as quite hype and lively but there's also this side to me that severely lacks energy and motivation. It is almost as if my brain triggers a switch that causes me to overthink to the point of an internal explosion.

I feel a pang of FOMO (fear of missing out). I hate when I read short versions of stuff and no one makes it clear what it means.

But yeah, when I'm huddled in bed thinking about what I'm missing out on I get really annoyed with myself. It's not like I go bed and I'm sparked out sleeping all night. I'm sitting there with my brain whizzing around stressing about random things. The worst thing is seeing snaps and pictures of the things I missed out on, knowing that I wanted to be there but my mind enslaved me. Knowing that I've missed out on yet another memory.

Each time I tell myself I'll be more sociable and get out there, hoping that I will synchronise my words with actions one day soon. The one thing I have noticed though is that I do relatively well with spontaneous plans. I feel like it bypasses a lot of anxiety, takes the edge of things and allows me to live in the moment. I know this is not the case for everyone but for me, I'm so manic that by the time I adjust to my surroundings I'm already out and genuinely enjoying myself before my mind can start doing the moonwalk.

I can't preach to anyone about how to overcome social anxiety because to be 100% real I am experiencing it now the worst I ever have. I'm not sure how to make it better but I'm going to seek professional help and go from there and keep updating people on my journey. People don't notice this rocky side of me because I'm not overly into divulging my issues, but bare in mind that even those that appear to be the strongest are breaking down inside.

I'm going to doing these sort of posts more regularly, as Mental health is something that I think gets brushed to the side and its real shit and it's affecting us. Additionally, this better be some sort of therapy for myself. *Peep the silent threat to my mind*

Frizzy