"I Will Not Be Erased"
What felt amazing when reading the stories was that even if a story did not resonate with me much I respected it being there getting recognition in a published book. The variety of stories were spot on and I was shocked by some of the stories that were in the collection.
By Gal-dem
Genre: Non-fiction, Identity, YA
Publisher: Walkers Books
"I Will Not Be Erased" is a collection of 14 stories detailing the upbringing of people of colour by Gal-Dem. Gal-Dem is a UK media publication founded in 2015 by Liv Little. The online and print magazine is written by women of colour and non-binary people of colour addressing inequality and misrepresentation in the industry. Basically, Gal-Dem is the shizz-nai-eee (no flies around).
I've always adored how Gal-Dem target a specific target audience, and within that audience cover just about everything. It's easy to have a niche and target, let's say only the Asian girl who lives in London but Gal-Dem has always strived to represent fairly. It's so refreshing to read articles written by people of colour without the focus being solely on their race.
Seasoning Level
CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning
Breakdown
The irony of the book title is that it was a complete nightmare locating this book when I went looking for it in my local bookstore because they housed it in the Young Adult Fiction section. Note to stores, there is nothing fictitious about this book and I should have seen it on the tables at the front of the store. PERIODT.
The stories share a key theme, taking inspiration from something each contributor had written whilst growing up. The manner in which the stories were told was very transparent, and naturally, some parts spoke out to me more than others.
What felt amazing when reading the stories was that even if a story did not resonate with me much I respected it being there getting recognition in a published book. The variety of stories were spot on and I was shocked by some of the stories that were in the collection. Shocked in the sense that some of these topics were things I'd seen talked about amongst a select few trusted people but never mainstream. Talking with zero frills in the following titles "My Virginity and my choice: Dating as a British Muslim" and "From Nightclub to A & E: A Tale about Drugs."
What separates this book from others is that they were not afraid to discuss and enlighten the younger generation about "taboo" subjects. They've skipped the part about caring if people agree with the actions of some and have laid things out on the table covering all realistic angles. A real testament to breaking barriers and encouraging others to speak their truth.
Favourite story
My favourite segment is the second story "It's Pom-Mang-Granate: Be proud of what makes your story different." The author explores her teenager self, feeling embarrassed and annoyed by her parent's Sri Lankan ways and failures to assimilate in a new country with the "perfect vocab". I sat down with my mum and spoke about this topic and we laughed endlessly throwing back and forth words that my mum has either refused or given up on attempting to say in English.
This story took readers on a journey, which didn't feel superficial in any way. For people with British parents, it may have been another funny story but after finishing that section I put the book down and reflected. It made me reflect on how I viewed my mum being "different" growing up, with a strong accent and non-British ways. And like the author, now that I am older I know how immensely grateful I am to have a parent so strongly into their culture, who can pass down recipes and the richness from their country.
Length
207 pages. The individual stories were a good length roughly 11-12 pages each, not too long for the message to get forgotten but long enough to leave an impact.
Who should read it
Mid-teenagers to young women and non-binary people of colour would be the primary benefactors. However, on a wider scale, this book offers a peak into a different lifestyle to those who are not in the primary audience.
3 things I've taken from the book
That anyone can be the rainbow to someone's rain, by genuinely accepting people as their authentic self.
That I need to spend more time with my mum and Ga'mama and learn more about their homeland.
That I need to step out of my comfort zone more because I too have a story to tell.
A letter to my younger self
Inspired by those who spoke their truth in the book I've scribbled out a letter to myself. I immediately thought of 3 topics but one won. "I'll let you get away with it because true say you're a lightie" and " No, my mum isn't from here."I decided to go with...
"I wasn't sure if you was Black until when you started speaking."
Dear fourteen year old me,
I know you think this is a super compliment because you hate having to explain that no you're not mix raced, and yes your dad is black but no your mum isn't white, but it's not actually meant in a positive way.
You'll learn to understand as you get older what people really mean when they say you "sound black." Not because, you are woke or know all your Black history and the likes of Mary Seacole, Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, but because of your personality and the way that you talk.
Even though you think you look unquestionably Black many will keep seeing you as racially ambiguous. The ambiguity will disappear as it becomes clear that your traits are what society have and will label as a stereotypical "Angry Black Woman." You're on the loud side, non-conforming and unapologetic in questioning and calling out B.S. All the things that people like your dad have always said made you inquisitive, authority figures, particularly at school, will label as problematic.
Spoiler alert. You'll get kicked out of the "good old Catholic school" but it will not ruin your life. Even though you will have to pretend to your Ga'mama for a year that you still attend that school so your mum doesn't disappoint her. Don't worry in your 20s all will be forgiven and your mum and Ga'mama will brag to their friends about your University degrees even though your mum will keep telling people about the business degree you earned. News flash no you didn't study business. You'll eventually get into a school bursting with diversity, with people from different faiths and ethnicities. And better yet you'll meet 2 of your closest girls at that school and become an aunt to their children!
Now that I've got your full attention I'm saying this with love and no judgment I promise. Please be nicer to your fellow black girls who are well spoken and more reserved, it doesn't make them any less black. I know that popular belief is black people with those two features equals wanting to be white but it's not true. You'll understand as you get older how flawed and oppressive those views are.
I'm sorry to say that even in your 20s you'll still have people that don't view you as being black enough, there will be jibes online and shade thrown. *Boo bring the sun I got your back* I'll keep it all the way real with you though, you will be sad sometimes and cry but you'll also remember that being black does not have a colour chart and you will immerse yourself into your heritage so much that it won't matter what others say. Plus you'll keep using all the boombastic slang that you grew up with. And you'll learn to switch it up when you need to. Honestly, you should really add that to your CV because that right there will be a really useful skill.
Love you always, especially through the hard times.
Frizzy
Not just a Refugee!
Today is World Refugee Day, and this week is World Refugee Week. The United Nations state that "every minute 20 people leave everything behind to escape war, persecution or terror." Can you imagine having to re-route your whole life to try and survive? On a personal level, World Refugee Day and refugee situations in general are very close to my heart because it has directly affected my family. Coincidentally, I've also just finished reading, The Ungrateful Refugee by Dina Nayeri.
Today is World Refugee Day, and this week is World Refugee Week. The United Nations state that "every minute 20 people leave everything behind to escape war, persecution or terror." Can you imagine having to re-route your whole life to try and survive?
On a personal level, World Refugee Day and refugee situations in general are very close to my heart because it has directly affected my family. Coincidentally, I've also just finished reading, The Ungrateful Refugee by Dina Nayeri. Review up here
The topic this year is 'You, me and those that came before' with the aim to learn from those who seeked refuge in the UK generations ago. And I felt inspired to document my Mum and Ga'mama's experience. We spoke for next to an hour about so much, and when editing our discussion I felt it was important to keep in the parts that discussed more than the trivial points such as the actual refugee process because it's easy to come across a refugee and forget that they have a story before their hardship and that they certainly have more stories to come after. My Ga'mama was a tailor and shop owner in the Seychelles. My mum a student with top grades. I don't know these two women as refugees and I was not alive to experience the initial hardship that came as a result of decisions out of their control that took their Seychellois life away from them. But what I can do is tell you about them in my own words.
My Ga'mama is a vibes. She travels worldwide frequently each year to attend religious sites in a group. If she doesn't want to be rude she remains silent, meanwhile she is the queen of pushing up her face to make it clear how she feels. (But I didn't tell you that of course.) Also, she refuses to cook certain seafood, because it doesn't taste the same quality as it does in the Seychelles!
My Mumzee is a sensitive soul and silently very supportive. When I was little she used to sit on the other side of my bedroom door going back and forth with me writing and replying to my letters. She's also introduced me to some of the best music artists ever, Jagged Edge, Biggie and Tupac. Also, she does the most random things such as opting to remove bottle lids with her teeth, just because she can. Oh and she brushes her hair way too many times throughout the day!
Whilst we were recording I could hear planes going back and forth and the irony is, where we were recording was on the same flight path that my family used when entering England in the 80s.
My Ga'mama speaks fondly of the people in the local community who made a positive difference in her adapting to life in the UK. The UK more than ever in this climate needs people like this now. With that in mind, I want to fling some seasoning your way and tell you about Local Welcome, a relatively new charity, that organise dinner cooking sessions once a month to connect refugees and locals in the community. What separates them from others is that refugees are not just handed dinner. They cook dinner alongside someone in their local community, sharing stories thoughout the experience, and then sit down together and eat dinner. Everything is on equal footing, mutually benefical and most importantly dignified.
Click play on the Soundclound link below to hear our discussion.
Frizzy
A Frizzy Weekend In... Reykjavík
Yoo, it was a cold ass extended weekend in Iceland. I'm not about to pretend that my fingers weren't freezing every second that I touched the road. And I'm also not going to lie and say that I didn't do the cha cha slide and fall over countless times in Reykjavík, because I most certainly did. Expect to slip and slide, and uncontrollably dive in the winter and you'll be fine!
I visited Reykjavík, Iceland in the winter season. To be dead exact during the month of December. When I went sunrise was at 11 am and the sunset at 4 pm. It felt mad strange. Imagine heading to breakfast at 9 in the morning and it's still pitch black. Madness.
First Impressions
The flight to Iceland felt a lot longer, in my mind, than it needed to be. Turns out the flight from London to Reykjavík was only 3 hours. Maybe, I was just so excited to witness that level of cold with my own body!?
It's not as snowy as I thought it would be. I imagined some big- big Antartica and maybe Reindeers rolling about on the street (I know my imagination is wild).
"Raar they love big street art in this city".
What is there To Do in Reykjavík
The two places mentioned everytime Iceland is discussed are the Blue Lagoon and Northern Light, and I don't think the two are overrated. As part of my holiday package transfer to and from the Blue Lagoon was included as well as the visit to the Northern Lights.
The Blue Lagoon was magical! Asides from all the cool pictures you’ll take, the experience is mesmerizing. You know the sensation that you get when you jump in a hot bath after a long day? That's the feeling you get at the Blue Lagoon but it lasts for the whole time you are in the water. You also get some face mask included with your entry fee. If you take nothing else from this post please do not be the foolish gal/bwoy who forgets to bring flip flops with them. I was that *insert Nigerian accent* Idjjott whose feet froze. I can't explain to you the level of pain I felt. Book in advance to avoid long queues and to make sure your entry is guaranteed.
*If you have a wig on let that go sis! Let your plaits breath unless you are not fussed about messing up your wig. My orange wig was never the same after!*
The Northern Lights were proper groovy! I saw green and purple lights in the sky and it was breathtaking. My iPhone decided to move proper basic and didn't pick up the colouring. I was initially annoyed but I now think that there is something beautiful about having an image locked in your mind. Something to note though, you can be waiting around for anything up to 90 minutes after you've seen the lights whilst others attempt to take pictures and hang around the space. If you are kind of anti and impatient like myself, you might want to rent a car so you can leave when you're finished rather than when a coach full of people are.
If you have time I'd recommend venturing out of Reykjavík and visiting some hot springs. Go forth and be at one with nature whilst you warm up your body. Also, if you are into vintage clothing, the fashion stores in Reykjavík will have you grinning from ear to ear.
Food
The food in Iceland is not low-low prices. Food is on the E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E side. Once you've mentally accepted this fact the holiday gets better I promise you. You'll easily spend £25 on a lamb burger and fries. On the plus side, everything I ate in Iceland tasted fresh and non-fatty.
Side note: If you have specific dietary requirements let the staff know even if it seems totally irrelevant for what you have ordered. I ordered the fish of the day at a restaurant and there was no mention of anything else coming with it. Yet when my meal came I realised they had put slices of bacon in my meal.
3 Food Spots I Recommend
Sumac - Octopus and hummus with Crispy baby potatoes.
Hotel Island - Fish of the Day (Fresh Icelandic Fish).
Rustik - Lamb shank with mashed potato and seasoned vegetables.
Wrap Up
Wrap up well like the British roadmen do in the summer and you'll be well prepped. I know instagrammable clothes is the go-to for holidays but if you’re visiting Iceland in the winter I can't stress how much comfort over style is a must. If you're thinking about trying out solo travel I would strongly suggest Iceland because I felt at all times extremely safe. (And that means a lot coming from me because my paranoia levels can peak) Also, when I left Iceland I noticed how clear and healthy my face looked. I'm not sure what exactly caused it but myself and my homegirl were left feeling really radiant and refreshed.
Have you visited Reykjavík? Would you visit there in the winter? Watch my Insta vlog to see how Icy Iceland got.
Frizzy
Stories for South Asian Super Girls
This book for me is a continuous circle of what I call putting a sister on! From educating us about the past supergirls to shining the light on the current ones, to leading the way for the future ones.
By Raj Kaur Khaira
Genre: Children’s book, Biographies
Publisher: Kashi House
This collection includes 50 biographies of influential South Asian women. It covers countries such as India, Pakistan, Nepal, Bangladesh and Afghanistan.
Representation matters so much and this book here is so important for all the young South Asian girls. Actually no it's important for all young girls. But especially South Asian girls to see what the women that look like them have achieved. There is so much to be learned from these 50 admirable women. The author, the illustrators and all the women mentioned in the book have South Asian heritage, it's refreshing to see everything being kept in the community!
A close friend of mine is South Asian, with family from both India and Sri Lanka, and she often communicates her frustration of the lack of representation of her community. And in particular how the women are viewed as feeble and timid.
Initial Thoughts
As soon as I unwrapped the book I noticed the bright colours on the cover and the inner cover filled with powerful descriptions.
Instinctive | Protector | Creative | Resilient | Savvy
The illustration on the contents page looks so crisp. I immediately recognised some of the women. Well, about 6...
Mindy Kaling - Actress (wrinkle of time)
Rupi Kaur - Poet
Farrah Storr - Editor of Cosmopolitan UK
Nadiya Hussain - Great British Bake Off
Jameela Jamil - Model/Presenter
M.I.A - Singer/Songwriter/Activist
In the introduction, the author Raj reiterated my friend's feelings, of how she feels the women she has descended from have been portrayed. I was excited to turn over the page because I had a strong feeling that if "I didn't know, I'd get to know!"
After Thoughts
I thought that the illustrations of each woman were so beautiful and complimented each piece. The art was honestly on a whole different level. I liked how each super girl mentioned was illustrated by someone different, giving a chance for various illustrators to get involved and the artist's names were written on each piece getting their credits. Also, I loved the mini-interviews with illustrators and that all their social media handles were included. This book for me is a continuous circle of what I call putting a sister on! From educating us about the past supergirls to shining the light on the current ones, to leading the way for the future ones. I liked that there was a variety of ages and that the locations of the women chosen ranged from being in the South Asian region to around the world.
Being only a 2 page spread I needed to go away and do research into the women I was not familiar with because I was left wanting to know more about them. But I learned a lot from this book. Sophia Duleep-Singh was an absolute rebel with a mighty cause, Noor Jahan "wore the trousers" in an era when women's only option was to wear skirts and Aanchal Malhotra is making sure historical events will never be forgotten. I found myself with each page turned in awe of these amazing women.
After reading the book I realised that it is, in fact, a children's book which now makes perfect sense and explains the word format. I can definitely see this being a regular bedtime book, with each day being dedicated to a different super girl. This book is also interactive, including activities to really drive home that the reader is also a super girl. I even saw space for the reader to draw a picture of themselves.
Based on the target audience this book couldn't be any better. It is beautiful, it is uplifting and all the proceeds from the sales are being donated to charities supporting women and children so definitely purchase one.
Frizzy
On The Come Up
Sixteen-year-old Bri wants to be one of the greatest rappers of all time. No ifs, buts or maybes she’s determined to be in the top 5. The problem is she’s finding it really hard to get her come up, whilst juggling staying in a school that has already decided who she is.
By Angie Thomas
Genre: Young Adult Fiction
Publisher: Walker Books
On the Come Up is written by Angie Thomas, the best-selling author of ‘The Hate U Give’ which is also now a very successful film. So, you might be comparing this book to her first one. I’ve never read ‘The Hate U Give’ or watched the movie so I’m literally a blank canvas. Other than the hype of the film I wasn’t familiar with Angie Thomas and the hype rarely mentions the author and usually the cast. Ok, I’m pushing it in this case only Amandla Stenberg was mentioned. Plus, I don’t buy into the hype because I’ve watched films that have been highly gassed up and I’ve been everything but impressed with them so yeah… neutral face.
Seasoning Level
CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning
Watch the breakdown
The book is about a sixteen-year-old Bri who wants to be one of the greatest rappers of all time. No ifs, buts or maybes she’s determined to be in the top 5. The problem is she’s finding it really hard to get her come up, whilst juggling staying in a school that has already decided who she is, and staying at home with next to nothing in the fridge because her mum has hit hard times. Her mum loses her job and is finding it near impossible to get a new one. What can I say this book is all about Bri and you can't help but become Bri when you get lost in this book. Bri reminds us of a sad reality that many young black people are existing in a society that has labelled them and put limitations on them from the jump. But also, that you are stronger than your current circumstances, no matter how hard it can be to believe that.
Plus no sixteen-year-old is fully complete without their ride or die, friends. Enter… Sonny and Malik, they’ve been friends from the womb days. We get to know Sonny and Malik's business but we're not all up in it doing the most... Ok well, we want to be in Sonny's business but he only drip feeds the information in small doses. You only have to read more into the book to know that there is a conscious person in Bri's mind stuck inside the mess. Is Bri impulsive, sure, but she's also someone who reflects later on her actions. You can feel her discomfort when the kids around the garden are mimicking her bars, knowing that her lyrics could influence a generation in the wrong way.
The Come up is the overall goal, and I was led to believe that Bri wanted to come up as a rapper but she is actually looking for way more than that. She wants her relationship with her mum to come up she can replace the continuous nightmares and flashbacks she has of harsher times. And she wants to be known of her own back and not come up as someone’s daughter but a boss in her own right.
Favourite character
Aunty Pooh is one of my favourite characters. I really liked that this hood, dope slanging road girl roadgal (we all know she is not a child) was her niece's ultimate cheerleader. That side of Aunty Pooh, makes me feel that everyone needs an Aunty Pooh.
“I let Aunt Pooh hear some rhymes I wrote, she gets so hype over them that she tells me to rap them for her friends. Trust, if you’re whack, a gangbanger will be the first to let you know.”
But she's such a complex character, I wanted to grab her by her shoulders and yell "the streets don't love you" when she left Bri to do her studio session without her because she had to buss shots/ sell drugs. A character like Aunty Pooh really questions my default idea that someone is either good or bad.
Every character in the novel was equally important though really bringing out Bri's character exploring how she navigates each relationship. The relationship between Bri and her older brother Trey is of an unbreakable sibling bond, and I felt very vulnerable to Bri and her mother Jay's relationship, which is slowly being rebuilt throughout the book.
It hit me when
It was confirmed that Aunty Pooh sold drugs. I found myself really questioning how someone could be so actively involved in the drug game when their older sister was at the other end of it at a point in time clearly struggling. I found myself being really judgemental and questioning her ethics. What was her thinking behind it? Growing up in my environment it wasn’t hard to have friends who were selling drugs, and I’ve never known anyone close to me hooked on drugs. I had a friend whose mum was addicted to class A drugs and she was in my circle but I suppose I never drew the connection to how it might have made her feel to be stuck between the two.
The inner struggle of Bri being in a position that made her have to question if she would be broke with dignity, or be a rich sell out really spoke out to me. This issue of integrity is not reserved for a certain age group and was a running theme throughout the book.
Is that how you’re feeling yeah?!
The whole tone of the book reflects life in Bri's surroundings. Sometimes bitter and sad, but also packed with a whole lot of twists and fun times to get you through. From experience when people talk about hard times in their childhood and past experiences it's not to evoke pity or get a response it's just about being real and for many people, it wasn't a "tough" or "heartbreaking" time because it was all they knew. I could relate to that with Bri on so many levels. Yeah, her upbringing had times she wouldn't have handpicked but she's using it as fuel to paint her own picture choosing rap as her art form.
Listen, there are certain parts of this book that are going to have you leaning over on your side bussin up because what you are reading is so damn funny.
“But I guess Curtis is cute in the same way that rodents are weirdly adorable? You know how you’ll see a baby mouse and will be like ‘Aw, cute! Until that bitch is raiding your cabinet, eating the Halloween candy you hid from your little sisters?”
Imagine this is someone's potential boyfriend being talking about. I'm telling you now this is why you don't ask your friends advice about a potential lovers appearance until you are sure, no make that double sure, that you like them. Comments like these are why people get immediately walked into the friend zone.
My favourite thing about the book is how Bri takes words used to characterise her in a negative manner and she moulds them into lyrics and making them her own. You may call her a "hoodlum" or "aggressive" and she's using them in her rap content. The term comes up in the dictionary right next to black women, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. Aggression has such a ring to it when really the better-suited words to describe someone would be inquisitive or confident. There seem to be clear factors that decide what side you fall on.
You know when people say "There is beauty in the struggle" but you're in a house with 4 different layers of clothing and eating corn beef and rice for the third night in a row. Finding this beauty is harder than finding Wally! The book is a great reminder that there's generally a long process before the actual come up. You don’t think it’s weird that people suddenly go from being one slice of bread and egg left in the fridge broke, too stupid rich with millions?
Storytime
I think people sharing their come up journey is so important! My home girl went to an event recently, specifically because someone she really looked up to in her field was on a panel. And when the person was asked about their journey they pretty much said they stumbled into the industry and boom they are doing so well now. The person completely missed out the part where they had went to University to study the subject for however long, spending how many thousands of pounds on a course, and that they were mentored by industry people for a portion of time after. Why lie? “Why you always lying, oh oh my garwsh.”
The middle part always gets left out though and it honestly jars me so this book helped fill that void for me.
Length
435 pages. It took a little while for me to get into the book. But once I got into it, at chapter 3, it had my full attention. Any little questions that popped up in my mind about a situation were later answered. For example why Curtis lived with her grandmother. I'm proper nosy and the author really catered to that!
Who should read it
This book is for young adults. I can see the older generation not being able to move past the fact that Bri calls her mum “Jay.” and spend their time annoyed at little things like Bri’s relationship with her mum and overlook so much of the bulk of the book. Also if you’re into rap music but not too interested in reading books this is the perfect pulling factor.
Favourite quotes
“Petty doesn’t discriminate.”
“Not that Jay doesn't love the Lord, but she gets extra Christian at church. Like her Aunt Gina and Aunt 'Chele weren't just twerking to bounce music last night in our living room.”
Questions for the author
1.Readers know Bri’s top 5 rappers, was it one of them who reached out to her at the end for a collab? And which one? (C’ mon I need to know)
2.How long is Aunty Pooh looking at inside?
3.Can I get a script of Jay and Grandma’s ground-breaking discussion? (asking for a friend I know a couple people who could use it)
Now that the book is finished I want to do some digging and find Angie Thomas’ SoundCloud account because I know she's got some good bars.
Frizzy
Doing Up Big Birthdays All-Inclusive Style in Cancun
I've been all inclusive before but oh my, this holiday opened me up to a whole different level of all-inclusive. I wanted to enjoy the lavish lifestyle for a milestone birthday. Introducing the 5* Dreams Sands Cancun Resort and Spa. Where do I even start?
I've been all-inclusive before but oh my, this holiday opened me up to a whole different level of all-inclusive. I wanted to enjoy the lavish lifestyle for a milestone birthday. Introducing the 5* Dreams Sands Cancun Resort and Spa. Where do I even start? This was a package holiday - flights, hotel and transfer. On arrival at the hotel, we were greeted with a glass of champagne each. I gave mine to my homegirl, as I don’t drink alcohol, as you can imagine she was well happy! I waited for the ugly all-inclusive band that always messes up my tan but it never came.
Room
We booked a deluxe oceanfront room with a balcony, and that gave us our own King size beds which were really comfortable. Being someone with back problems comfort is a major deal-breaker for me. The way the suite was set up glass panels acted as dividers, so you can be in bed and see someone washing their hands. At first, I thought “hold up, what if I'm trying to do my business in the toilet and I'm being stared at?" Dramatic much... Turns out that part was opaque so all was good there.
Deluxe Room with Partial Sea view and balcony
Things to do
This holiday was not my usual style because for pretty much 7 days and nights I did nothing other than eat, read, sleep and tan. I'm talking about 24-hour room service... Yes, sometimes I ordered food at 4.30 am... no shame! My homegirl said she woke up and saw me chewing in bed at some mad time in the morning, and all now I cannot remember.
The resort offered a large choice of activities. When I looked at the choices I told myself I’d try the Spanish lessons, then I'd join the Caribbean dance classes and then I'd top it off it with yoga aerobics, but I’d be lying to you if I told you I actually did anything. *You know when you go on holiday and sell yourself a bag full of dreams* Regardless, the options were there. However what I did do was, spend my birthday jet skiing in the sea, and I found myself attempting to retrieve my homegirl’s, wig, well it turned out to be her cap, from the sea. (Let’s leave that story for another day.) Oouuu and I also attended a foam pool party and the music was vibezy throughout my whole stay. Proper up to date music, not that awkward stuff.
“I went for 7 nights and I’m telling you it is not enough. Considering the flight time was 10 hours from London to Cancun, I’d recommend at least 10 nights. I cried internal tears when checking out of the hotel.”
Food
Even just typing this and reflecting on my holiday has my mouth watering. Dreams Sands Cancun really impressed me. I can be 50/50 about all-inclusive places because a lot of hotels have left me feeling that I'm on a strict eating regime, especially if they recycle the same typical buffet food for the whole week. But Dreams Sands is all about gourmet dining.
It felt so refreshing not having to set an alarm to make sure I made it to breakfast in the morning. If I missed breakfast for whatever reason, I mean breakfast was from 7 am -11 am, I could just order room service. And the room service didn't compromise the good good food. I'm fussy/particular yeah, I like squeezed juice, not from concentrate, not some 20% fruit plus 20 spoons of sugar. So you can imagine my face when fresh orange juice was delivered like clockwork to my room each morning. Lunch was a treat too. I spied my greedy little eyes on some big ass lobster (The only thing that wasn't included in my all-inclusive package cha!) I couldn't complain though because I fell in love with some staple Mexican meals in the buffet and refused to eat anything else after.
Dinner wowed me massively, giving me a choice of 7 different restaurants to pick from. And yes I tried all of them. El Patio and Wave and Sands were my favourites. In the evening dinner falls between 6-11 pm. Let that sink in, it's a whole 5 hours, and you can turn up to the restaurant of your choice without a reservation. I might have on numerous occasions ate at the buffet at about 6.30 pm and then went to eat my gourmet dinner later in the evening.
Nightlife
Every night there was a different live musical performance. From the Pan-Asian restaurant, I had a banging view of performances. It felt like a mini carnival so I was super involved, whining my waist as I ate my dinner* If after the performances you have the "turn down for what" attitude, the hotel has a sports bar that plays everything from reggaeton to traditional Mexican tunes to pop music so the party can continue.
Also, if you want to venture out there is a lively nightlife in the strip down in main Cancun. I went to Coco Bongo and from picking up the vibe I could tell lots of the clubs down there were not disappointing. Most of my nights ended with me tucked in bed watching a DVD that I'd rented for free from the concierge. Don't expect some new school 2019 or even 2018 film, but you're never too nice to re-watch 'Lilo & Stitch' or 'Dirty Dancing' are you!
Small small tips
I went for 7 nights and I’m telling you it is not enough. Considering the flight time was 10 hours from London to Cancun, I’d recommend at least 10 nights. I cried internal tears when checking out of the hotel, I was not ready to come home and live off of my basic noodles. Also, I was so tired after travelling to Cancun that I fell asleep in the restaurant whilst waiting for my main dish to arrive after eating my starter. Don’t judge me.
When travelling in Cancun book your taxi from the hotel, and always inquire what the price is for that journey, because I kid you not drivers start doing 2+2 and getting 25!
Pay for activities/excursions in US dollars. I found the best rates were offered that way.
Dip your plantain in peanut butter, I’m telling you now it’s a game changer! You’ll thank me later!
I can honestly say I lived good, recharged my soul, had my belly filled up, and my food was well seasoned! Dreams Sands was so good. Until we meet again Mexico, sometime very soon I hope. Watch my vlog to see how I lived a Vida Loca in Cancun.
Frizzy
Everything You Need To Know About Tunisian Weddings
In England I’m used to rocking up to a wedding in my cute outfit for the day, and if I'm lucky getting fed. Boom, Bam, finished! But in Tunisia weddings are a whole different vibe.
Trust me they are truly amazing and it really goes down on the dance floor. Having had the opportunity to attend a few weddings, the most recent being last month, I’m giving you the lowdown on what happens at a Tunisian wedding. Typically, Tunisian weddings are made up of 5 events. Some people are fully involved and attend all 5 of them and some people choose a smaller selection.
Hammam
On this day family and female friends go with the bride to be to the steam room. On the way to the hammam, the bride walks alongside her loved ones in traditional Tunisian wear, whilst her hype women sing all around her. The bride leaves the hammam looking so fresh and so clean.
My homegirl Rah, who got married last month, absolutely despises going to the Hammam, so she broke the rules and made her Jacuzzi bath her steam room. Imagine 20 women walking her into her bathroom whilst cheering, singing and lighting candles. Everyone is dressed casually on this day.
Legal signing
The official legal document signing is the quickest part of the wedding. It lasts about 30 minutes. Females sit on one side of the venue, and men on the other. Generally, people then queue up to congratulate the bride and groom saying “ma-brook” which means congratulations in Arabic.
You know that outfit that isn’t really comfortable or them shoes that look really banging but you can’t wear for long. Now is the time to get them out.
Small Henna
Henna is a big deal in Tunisia, it’s associated with bringing good fortune to a bride, so on this day henna is put on the bride-to-be in her house. The bride’s family also generally provide food for guests. Usually a nice hearty Tunisian dish- Couscous, beef and salad.
Even this day varies depending on individuals. On one occasion it was a very small event with only close family and on another, a tent appeared out of nowhere after dinner with a fully formed band playing live music until 1 a.m.
Big Henna
For women, this is one of the biggest days. It generally happens in a rented venue like a hall. This is what you can call the bride’s personal celebration. Bride’s take centre stage and carry out traditional rituals, such as swaying their shoulders from side to side with their eyes closed and stepping over a “fish”. There's always a large live band and a big dance floor of course! I’ve seen the bride’s change their outfits an average of 4 times on this evening. Big extravagant outfits come out and at the end, the groom arrives and joins the bride on stage. Many people who cannot make all the 5 celebrations come specifically for this day. I personally love this day so much because lots of Tunisian pastries and fresh juice get given to guests. Dress all the way up. Think prom night and ball gowns.
The Final Celebration
“Here comes the bride all dressed in white.” Yes, the bride puts on her beautiful white dress and effectively sits on a cute sofa on display until the groom and his hype men turn up to take her away. The groom and his family turn up to the bride’s house around 2 hours after the event begins. On the main road outside the bride’s house, the groom’s entourage will announce their arrival. My homegirl's husband announced his arrival in a large white limousine and Porshe Cayenne (not bad at all). After exchanging rings inside and about 500 hundred pictures, the newly-weds head to the groom’s house followed very closely behind by both the bride and groom’s loved ones.
Cars put on their hazard lights and beep regularly throughout the drive. Imagine the film 'Fast and Furious' and you’ll have an idea of what to expect during the journey. On one occasion, I witnessed my aunty pass out as she was so overwhelmed with the driving styles used. The night ends early, compared to the majority of the other nights, outside the groom’s house where loved ones celebrate one last time the joining of the married couple.
Small small tips
I'm not even joking but make sure you carry earplugs around with you because the music is really loud and at times distorted. When planning outfits prep for at least 1-2 more outfits than you think you'll need. I'm telling you at least one un-official event will pop up. And last but not least, bring some cash in notes to the big henna. (You'll have the opportunity to go on stage and give some to the bride.)
Tunisian Wedding Outtakes
At one wedding, a friend brought me outside to see a “surprise” and when I walked around the corner there was a cow tied up on the floor bleeding out. It turned out to be some of the finest beef I had ever eaten the next day when I ate it with my couscous, but I froze when I saw it initially.
On the last night of Rah's wedding, after heading home exhausted, we had to go all the way back to the groom's house after to deliver her suitcase as it had been left in the boot of her mum's car, and she was heading off to her honeymoon hours later.
On the fourth day of the first Tunisian wedding I’d ever attended, I fell asleep on a sofa in the bride's house. I was so tired. The closer your family relation to the bride the more you're supposed to be present and we were at the bride's house every day from the afternoon until the early morning.
Tears of joy
I feel really privileged to have been invited to weddings in Tunisia, especially Rah's wedding. The night before the final celebration she had a hen do where all of the young-ish girls closest to her, came together and had a party. What happens at a hen do, stays at the hen do.
And on the day of the final celebration, I spent the morning with the bride and we got our harkous done by a woman who came to her house.
Queenie
Queenie Jenkins has just broken up, gone on a break, from her long-term boyfriend Tom. He called for the break, not her! It’s the sort where you are single, single-ish for 3 months. Feeling vulnerable Queenie seeks temporary love from men in all different directions, who all bring baggage with them, (none of which seems to include condoms)
Candice Carty-Williams
Genre: Modern Fiction
Publisher: Trapeze
Can I just start off by saying the book cover actually bangs. My favourite cover ever. When I saw the braids, 2-2 baby hair and the big earrings I knew it would be my type of book. My big hoops starting clanging because they were so excited. You know like that!!
Queenie is author Candice Carty-William’s first novel. Don’t get it twisted though; being a new author doesn’t compromise the high quality and freshness of the story. Candice gifts us with the main character Queenie, who shows you the honest lows of trying to navigate dating as a black woman. The novel leads you on a journey that makes you see how hard times can impact your mental health. Sex, drama and friendship are the staples that hold this novel together.
This is not even a book, it just sounds like me and the girl dem sugar meeting up and filling each other in on our lives at one point or another. From the texts to the language used it'll make you feel super familiar with the author and the characters from the offset. The book is hilarious, frustrating, engaging and relatable!
Seasoning Level
CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning
Watch the breakdown
Queenie Jenkins has just broken up, gone on a break, from her long-term boyfriend Tom. He called for the break, not her! It’s the sort where you are single, single-ish for 3 months. Feeling vulnerable Queenie seeks temporary love from men in all different directions, who all bring baggage with them, (none of which seems to include condoms) that throws Queenie even further from the path she’s trying to get back on to. Meanwhile, she’s trying to hold on to her job working for a newspaper, with a boss who doesn’t seem to care about the ideas that Queenie is trying to write about.
A mentally very fragile Queenie has a strong support system with friends who are all very different but rally together to be as supportive as they can be. One can’t keep up with slang terms, and another is trying to finesse men in her spare time, but they make the funniest text group chats. Her grandmother, a strong Jamaican woman, gives her lots of affection in the form of absolute tough love. *Insert the saying* “you can pick your friends but not your family.”
Throwback moments appear in the book giving us access to Queenie’s relationship with Tom, pre-break of course. Why is there always that one person in the family that you shouldn’t let be around others?
Did I mention that you get to meet Queenie at the same time that a speculum does?
Favourite character
All of the characters are multidimensional and realistic. Queenie is the sister that you love with all your heart, but can’t stand at times because she does things that are so self-sabotaging and impulsive and you know that you’ll be the one clearing it up.
But hands down Kyazike definitely is my favourite. She reminds me so much of myself. Chapter 4 gives you the opportunity to really get to know Kyazike. Pronounced Chess-Keh. No, not Jessica with a C or K, she’ll get mad if you try to simplify her name in that way and you don’t want that type of problem. She’s out here living her best life with no shame. She is a major ride or die. Kyazike even texts like I do. Below is a typical Kyazike quote.
“So I must have been serving some any woman who’s counting out her pennies, and I look in the queue behind her and the buffest guy ever is standing there waiting”
In chapter 22 when Queenie and her grandmother are talking about Queenie getting therapy. Her grandmother switched the whole conversation and made it about her invalidating Queenie’s current situation.
It felt really raw to read because I know the situation very well. Be it a difference in a generation or cultural differences, but the mindset that I've been very much raised with is that you don’t “air your dirty laundry out” so you should suffer in silence and get on with it.
Is that how you’re feeling yeah?!
Be prepared to go through a range of emotions throughout the book. I cried when Queenie’s mental health deteriorated, I was on level 100 with my empathy and then cried again because it made me think about my own mental health which was really poor. I was disgusted and found myself shouting at the book when Tom didn’t support Queenie when his Uncle was openly racist towards her. And I laughed so hard when Queenie’s homegirl Kyazike explained the shamble of a date she’d been on. It's mad because one second I was crying because a section of the book would be sensitive and painful and then a page later I’d be screaming out loud with laughter.
Once I opened this book I couldn't put it down because I felt so invested and into the story. Being completely real I forgot on multiple occasions that it was fiction because it was so relatable and merged completely with everyday issues. Coming from London, born and raised, where the book is set I’ve noticed gentrification in places like Brixton. Too many times I've had to link up with my homegirl to cut her weave tracks out or get mine taken out. Also, the episodes of intense panic attacks that Queenie suffered made my chest tighten.
There is this woman in her 20s really trying to be on her grind and work on her career, whilst holding on to that and just about everything else by the tiniest thread ever. Her role in the media sector, trying to push for more diversity and pitch certain stories from her community really resonated with me. And what is mad is many people will read it and think it just adds to the book but many of us know it’s straight facts and actually far from fiction.
Understand my struggle. I read for hours in the dark using my phone as a torch because my light didn’t work but I couldn’t bring myself to put the book down and go to sleep. This is the first fiction book that I have read that mirrors my environment and terminology.
Length
392 pages including acknowledgements and credits. I wanted the book to be longer though, I became proper attached and I was not ready for it to be over. Also, I thought some sections could have been explored more, and I was left with the impression that some of the parts were a little rushed.
Who should read it
All the girlies. I would say in particular late teenagers to late thirties. I’d prefer my mum not to read it because I’d like to avoid the long list of questions that would come during and certainly after the book. Plus she has a habit of rinsing out new words she had learned so I don’t want her screaming “fam” or my “ting” at me constantly until she learns new phrases!
But especially those that need to learn or refresh London street slang, the book is a reflection of the times so you’ve got a while before the words become old and unusable. Ooh and someone who just wants to read something completely fresh. This book is unlike any fictional one I’ve read before.
Green light or oh no
Definitely green light, yes yes and yes. Buy the book, at the very least you have a unique book cover. I would recommend using the book as a gift. Buy it for your sister, your home girl's baby shower. Your bestie's birthday!
If you want a book that talks about sex it's a winner. But not just the fairytale sex, the deeper level. Greenlight it because it includes seasoning and well-marinated friendships, unapologetic grandparents, wastemen, and a woman trying to hold on to her shit.
Fun fact
I named my first car Queenie, except I decided to be extra and spell it as Q-W-E-E-N-I-E! Myself and Qweenie had a bond like no other.
Questions for the author
1. How soon can I get a Queenie sequel?
2. Do Tom and his new girl last?
3. What character do you see yourself more as and why?
The BIG quote
“I feel a bit like for a while I have been carrying ten balls of wool. And one ball fell, so I dropped another to catch it, but still didn’t catch it. Then two more started to unravel, and in trying to save those I lost another one. Do you know what I mean?”
Are you a fan of the book 'Queenie'? And what are your thoughts on Queenie as a character?
Frizzy
5 places to visit in Warsaw
All I knew when booking my flight to Warsaw, Poland was that I was going to visit Warsaw zoo. Nothing more, nothing less. I didn't know where I would eat, bathe or sleep but mateee I knew that I going to the zoo. Surprisingly though, Warsaw gave me so much more.
If you like art, culture and history Warsaw should definitely be on your list of places to go. I’m filling you in on places that will give you some wildlife, a high concentration of museums, an electrifying amount of experiment and then I'm topping it off with some art.
Warsaw Zoo
The zoo is really big. It used to be the biggest in Europe and has all types of animals. I'm talking hippos, giraffes, lions, elephants and more. (I keep thinking about the film 'Madagascar', wondering if the animals link up at night when staff go home.) I'll throw it out there though, I'm not a big fan of zoos and I felt very uncomfortable at times. When I saw polar bears in the zoo I felt really emotional and decided to leave. If the zoo is your thing you could easily spend 4-5 hours immersed in the zoo.
2. Warsaw Uprising Museum
The museum details the experiences of those who lived and fought during the 1943 uprising for an independent Poland and to stop people being deported to camps. The uprising didn't end well for the people of Warsaw and there are screenings showing you from a sky view, what very little was left of the city after the war. The experience was really overwhelming but at the same time very humbling. In just under a month around 7,000 were killed and the survivors, around 50,000 people, were sent to extermination or labour camps. I'd advise you to put your phone and camera away and immerse yourself in this experience. You can't go to Warsaw without visiting this museum, honestly.
3. POLIN Museum of the History of Polish Jews
The location of this museum falls into what used to be the Warsaw Ghetto, where Jews were forced to live when Germany occupied Poland. It was a considerable amount of people living in a restricted area with no way out. I skipped the Holocaust section of this museum, I had limited time and I still felt emotionally charged after the Uprising and it ended up being a good call as my cousin left the museum looking and feeling deflated. It was important for me to be able to learn things about Polish Jews that were not restricted to the Holocaust. It annoys me when I see communities being defined solely by a period of time like it becomes their sole identity.
4. Copernicus Science Centre
I had so much fun at this Science centre. Even writing this is making my face hurt because I'm smiling so much remembering how happy being there made me feel. Everything in there was super interactive, and nothing like any other science museum I have ever visited. I nearly missed out on this because when I originally visited my back hurt and I was super hungry so I only made it to the canteen. I literally ate then went back to my hotel to sleep. I'm pleased to inform you the food banged (was real real nice).
Science has always been my weakest subject at school, so when I hear the word science I usually switch off but I was turnt all the way up in this centre like I had a real good music playlist on!
FYI - On book guides and online it says Copernicus, as well as many museums, are closed on Monday's. That's not the case anymore.
5. Museum of Modern Art
Raar, they love museums in Warsaw, don't they! The subheading gives it away this museum is super artistic. I stumbled across the venue by chance, I was taking a picture of street art and it just happened to be the outside of the museum. The exhibition named 'Fears' is the work of Daniel Rycharski and explores the intersection between rural Poland, queer culture and communities of faith. This particular exhibition ends on the 22nd of April. I'm a big fan of contemporary art, the art of today really reflects society and creates open-ended discussions.
Check out my Poland vlog to find out where else I went to in Warsaw.
Frizzy
A Frizzy Weekend In... Warsaw
It needs to be said, Poland is proper underrated. When I told people I was going to Poland, people looked at me sideways and said either one or both of the below.
“Black people don’t go Poland, I’ve heard they are mad racist out there!”
“Out of all places to visit in Europe, Poland! Really?”
People have a way of throwing their bias and ‘chinese whispers’ on to others. My deflect game was so strong though oh my! I’m not going to front and pretend that Poland was on my bucket list of places to visit because it wasn't. But after reading 'The Zookeepers Wife' I decided that I had to visit Warsaw. The book is non-fiction and tells the story of Jan and Antonina Żabiński who rescued hundreds of Jews from the Germans by hiding them in their Warsaw zoo during World War II.
First impressions
The first thing I noticed was how clean the streets were. I'm talking no rubbish at all on the floor.
"Oh, it's cold!" I knew it would be cold, but you know when the cold just hits you... yeah.
The buildings surprised me. I don't know what I expected but in my mind, I didn't see them looking how they did. In some parts of the city, I saw skyscraper sleek buildings and then I'd turn into a street and see the aftermath of WW2 so clearly.
What I got up to
I initially regretted booking a 4-day getaway because I didn't think there would be enough to do, but it turns out Warsaw is popping and the city doesn't sleep. No, seriously it doesn't! They have sirens wailing at all hours of the night. I always knew that I was going to visit Warsaw Zoo, but other than being madly excited to see the villa in the Zookeepers wife, I wasn’t head over heels with the actual zoo. (If you want to go inside the zookeepers villa you need to pre-book.)
The main thing I did was bounce (or Uber) around Warsaw trying out different museums. When I first heard museums, I thought “yay great” (in the most sarcastic tone ever). Turns out the museums in Warsaw are actually really good. The first museum I visited was Warsaw Uprising, which was a real eye-opener into a key moment in Warsaw and I spent half a day there. I had to dose up on food and good vibes after though because it was a real heavy one. Hmm the vodka museum I thought would be mad exciting and I’d love it but yeah I went and it was plain and simply BORING. Check out my Instagram vlog to get the down-low on that one.
As usual, I stumbled across gems, and whilst attempting a photoshoot, I came across an exhibition called Daniel Rycharski: Fears in the Museum of Modern Art that blew my mind. Where art and culture meets is where I fast myself to go.
Part of the ghetto wall
Seahorse at Warsaw Zoo
Daniel Rycharski: Fears exhibition
Buildings in the Old Town
Warsaw Rising Museum
Vodka Museum
I wandered around the old town taking in all of the beautiful architecture and detail on the buildings. I also bought the most expensive dinner in Poland at one of the restaurants there. And the area has a busy nightlife with lots of bars. How do I know? I drove past them whilst my granny self was in my Uber going back to the hotel to sleep.
Food
The P in Poland stands for pastries and pierogi. Poland is pastry galore - they taste so good and the bread there is amazing. Pierogi are basically dumplings and a staple dish, that has so many variations. I ate veal pierogi, duck pierogi, spinach pierogi and cabbage pierogi. You can't go to Poland and not try Pierogi. Pork is a popular choice when it comes to polish meals. Even though I don't eat pork I didn't find myself limited with meal options when eating out in restaurants. One thing to be aware of though is meals like spaghetti bolognese, that typically in the UK uses minced beef are not the same in Poland. So always double-check what meat is being used before you order. Food in Poland tastes nice and it's definitely a plus that the food is not expensive. You can get a hearty main dish for about 46 Polish Zlotys/£9.20 I think my most expensive dinner cost about 70 Zlotys/£14, and that was in the Old Town. Oh yeah, don't be alarmed like I was when you find random bits of fruit coming with your meal... Just roll with it, it tastes nice.
3 food spots I recommend
Momu - The buttery zander with black lentils.
Panorama Sky Bar (In the Marriott hotel) - Wasabi Ice cream, ginger & chocolate tart.
Grand Kredens - For traditional polish food. Duck with an apple on the side.
Transport
Uber is mad cheap out in Warsaw. A 15-20 minute journey costs about 13 Polish Zlotys, which is just over £2.60. If you want the scenic route get the metro that's about 3 Zlotys / £0.60 per journey. The metro is speedy and comes every 2-3 minutes, plus the metro stations have cool arty designs in them. The metro stops always seemed to be a 10+ minutes walk from wherever I wanted to go, so I got uber.
Wrap Up
The Polish people that I came across were nothing but friendly, especially when they heard my frantic attempts to speak their language. (Jeen-doh-bree) Good day. (Proo-shee) Please (Jeen-koo-yahh) Thank you. When in Rome, do as the Romans and all that. Was I a minority in Warsaw being black, certainly. But, I was not stared at or made to feel uncomfortable at any moment. Warsaw was a vibe, it's an ideal long weekend getaway. I left the city with positive memories and can see myself returning to Poland to visit the city of Krakow in the near future.
Have you been to Warsaw? And if not, can you see yourself visiting? Check out my Instagram vlog to bring my weekend in Warsaw to life.
Frizzy
White Fragility: Why it's So Hard For White People to Talk About Racism
For someone like myself who sees things in black and white * no pun intended* it was beneficial to learn about the many shades of grey in between what I thought was so clear cut.
By Robin Diangelo
Genre: Non-fiction, Race, Sociology
Publisher: Penguin Books
Robin Diangelo, the author of this book, first invented the term “white fragility” in 2011. The term refers to a state of racial distress, a barrier of equality, aimed at maintaining racial dominance and ridding itself of any problems/inconvenience.
In DiAngelo's words, "Though white fragility is triggered by discomfort and anxiety, it is born of superiority and entitlement. White fragility is not a weakness per se. In fact, it is a powerful, means of white racial control and the protection of white advantage." The book breaks white fragility into different subcategories with each chapter explaining the underlying sociological phenomena. The author has a PhD in multicultural education and has been a race and social justice educator/trainer for 20 plus years.
Seasoning Level
CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning
The breakdown
The title doesn't lie, Robin Diangelo gets straight to the point of exploring what she describes as "white fragility" in the western world. There is no small stretches or warm-ups it jumps straight into a full-on long-distance run. The book is broken down into 12 chapters addressing how racism operates and the effects of it. Chapter 2 “Racism and white supremacy” is an interesting chapter and explains that race is a social construct. For me, part of chapter 2 (pgs 15-24), should appear nearer to the beginning of the book, I'm talking introduction chapter 1, because for someone who is not clued up about definitions of race, the social construct of a race, and the difference between prejudice and race waiting until page 15 could be a little too long.
Forreal Forreal
I appreciate this book though. I see it as a step in the right direction. I've read various books about race and identity. Mainly by Black females, and most recently "Brit- ish" by Afua Hirsch and "Why I'm no longer talking to white people about race" by Reni Eddo-Lodge, both equally important books sharing their experiences.
It was easy to read the book 'White Fragility' with an open mind because I was definitely intrigued to read about race and racism from a white person's viewpoint. The book layers historic events, moving quotes and unparalleled anecdotes to explain the here and now in society. I'd always found it puzzling that white people, with a limited number of exceptions, have found it hard to talk about race and racism.
I remember a white colleague being on the phone to a black rights activist and he was stuttering on the phone in the lead up to mention the obvious when identifying the man as black. I later asked him why he stuttered and he admitted that he felt uncomfortable saying it. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why.
I'm a realist and whether people like it or not the facts from history have shown that in order to push for change you need others on board, especially those that benefit from the unequal dynamic. A prime example being the suffragettes. Ultimately men passed the law that saw some women granted voting rights.
The book is written from an American perspective, but reading as a British person the issues are pretty much symmetrical. However, some parts of the book might require you to pause and do a little background research. I'm clued up on the Civil Rights movement but have a little zero geographical knowledge on the US.
Favourite chapter
Definitely, chapter 5, "The Good/Bad binary" simply because I learned the most from it. This chapter addresses how racism has adapted in recent years and why it is thriving now. For someone like myself who sees things in black and white * no pun intended* it was beneficial to learn about the many shades of grey in between what I thought was so clear cut.
For example, many thinking of a racist person conjure up an image of the KKK. Diangelo paints the image that when people think of racism today they imagine the white nationalists in Charlottesville, USA. To be likened or engaged with those acts is to be seen as being a bad person. Therefore, avoiding the behaviour of that extreme somehow leaves you in the good person category. Another strong part of the chapter is it discusses popular “colour- blind” statements used by many white people, breaking it right down to the core explaining how damaging and ignorant they are. After every statement, I found myself rolling my eyes and depicting each time this had happened to me.
“Focusing on race is what divides us” I also learned a new term called "colour-celebrate". I was familiar with the examples used but had never heard this specific term. I call this the Monopoly get outta jail failed card term. It is recycled so often and generically used when someone is pulled up on prejudice and/or racist comment. I present to you my favourite one. But... "I have people of colour in my family".
Yes, yes & yesss
The author putting her shortcomings out on the table, but also explaining the steps she had made to remedy the scenarios which I felt was extremely vital. In one particular scenario, Diangelo describes a joke she made about a colleague, during a work meeting when talking to her colleagues and a newly hired staff member. She told them “The white colleagues were scared by Deborah’s hair.” Deborah was a black woman with dreadlocks. And the new staff member, in particular, was left feeling really uncomfortable with the comment. She reached out to the person who was offended and listened to what had caused the offence and took steps to further her knowledge so she would not be in a situation like that again. People relate to others who are honest about their journey and the author admits that she is still on a journey.
The book also includes a large catalogue of research and study findings. The bibliography contains so much information for those that want to continue learning and reading about race and cultural experiences as well as past studies.
It hit me when
The book brought up a memory for me that I'd really tried to brush away. I remember going for an interview for an internship and feeling really positive. I had my hair combed out in a big afro and I felt proud. In the past, I tried to tame my hair in professional settings, but I left my house on this particular day feeling empowered. I met the person interviewing me, a white person, and I was really nervous. I experience intense social anxiety but I was also nervous because as it was my first potential work experience after studying. The interview went well, well at least I got the opportunity. But I remember feeling quite ashamed of myself.
About fifteen minutes after I met the person they asked if they could speak freely. I thought it was a positive sign and welcomed them to. I was told that when the person first met me I came across as having an attitude like I was giving them "my time and not the other way round". I'll never know for sure why but it never sat right by me. Reading this book and remembering my inner conflict when I got the role triggered me, making me feel very awkward. I would love to have gone back and questioned the person to make them spell out what exactly it was that gave me the attitude.
Length
168 pages including the bibliography and notes. The book was a little too long for me, mainly because more often than not things that were mentioned I was very familiar with, but I am also very aware that I'm not the target audience for this book. I'd recommend reading it chapter by chapter, as you need to read each chapter and then absorb all the information as it's not a light-hearted and fluffy sort of book.
Who should read it
Everyone... everyone can take something from this book. Anyone who is invested in society changing and moving forward in the name of equity. I would love to see this on the syllabus in the UK.
But especially those...
Who refuse to discuss race because it makes them feel uncomfortable being in a conversation that could result in them "being blamed for what their ancestors did" (I'm not kidding I've heard this wayyy too many times)
Ouuuu…
And those who comment under job postings that are aimed at encouraging diversity in workplaces, with the complaint that "the only people being hired these days for roles are people of colour".
You can't buy these EXAMPLES
So, I was out in public reading this book. A man peered over to view my book title, a white man. After he read the title he proceeded to let me know I was "scum" and a "bitch." I smiled internally whilst I tried to figure out how I could send him a copy of the book.
The BIG quote
“But race is the child of racism, not the father”
Kind of cheating, as it's not the author's but it's so powerful. It took me so long to really digest this quote. My understanding and what I hope this book imparts with the reader is that the social construct of 'race' was created to create a divide and a hierarchy but being curious about race and talking about it does not make you racist.
Have you read the book? And do you think it is important to discuss race?
Frizzy
Album Review: Psychodrama by Dave
When hearing Dave's past singles and features he has always stood out as someone with a different story to tell, he very much reminds me of US rapper J.Cole. Some past songs that highlight Dave's versatility 'Question time, Samantha, Funky Friday'. Dave doesn't produce the sort of rap music that makes me squint my brain because I'm struggling to understand the words. Neither does his voice confuse me with the high pitched auto-tune (the only person I could ever forgive for auto-tuning was T Pain.)
Dave is a fellow Londoner, hailing from South West London - Streatham to be exact. This is his first album and after I heard the first released single 'Black' I had high expectations. I put Black on repeat, really breaking down and agreeing with the points he stated on the song. The album exceeded my expectations.
When hearing Dave's past singles and features he has always stood out as someone with a different story to tell, he very much reminds me of US rapper J.Cole. Some past songs that highlight Dave's versatility 'Question time, Samantha, Funky Friday'. Dave doesn't produce the sort of rap music that makes me squint my brain because I'm struggling to understand the words. Neither does his voice confuse me with the high pitched auto-tune (the only person I could ever forgive for auto-tuning was T Pain.)
Some artists take us to churchhhhh and some make us buss a wine ... Dave is taking us to therapy and I'm so involved. The album is situated around ongoing therapy sessions and the songs bop and weaves around mini interludes with a therapist.
Dave brings a real rawness that I haven't been able to relate to with any other UK artist. He discusses things like manic depression, toxic relationships and domestic violence on this album. Things that people are going through generally behind close curtains and he throws it out in the open with zero apologies. And the truth is, these things are everyone's business. Like he said on the track 'Lesley' you probably know someone going through something similar.
I was going to listen to the album anyway but when I saw on the tracklist features from Burna Boy (Nigeria's biggest and baddest) and J Hus ( It's common sense to know him)
PAUSE... get your notes and type in Burna Boy - Outside and J Hus - Common Sense. Them two albums are no joke and there's plenty of turn up tunes on there…OK RESUME.The album has 11 songs. From the offset, the tone is serious and allows listeners to see London through his perception and experiences. I can hear 'Location' being a big club banger and it's already all over the radio airwaves. It's a real feel-good song and the contrast of Dave and Burna Boy's voices really make the song banggg! The song 'Environment' really humbled me and acted as a reminder that things are not always as it seems. It challenges you to be honest with yourself about your judgements towards others.
The album honestly gets better the more times you listen to it. You notice more and more how much of a lyrical genius Dave is, and how important this creative album is. How he uses star signs subtly on 'Purple heart' and how he lost the top marks on some exams because of his resistance to integrating certain words into his life.
DJ Pull that tune-up
'Purple Heart' is my favourite song from the album. Why? Because it's the 2019 version of my 90s RnB Joe songs.
A banging album gives you the best social media captions
Purple Heart - "I got a purple heart, You got a purple heart. You think my work is art, but I think you're a work of art"
Location - "Far from the rest but I'm far from my best, life is a lesson I'm passing a test"
Voices - " The struggle my bredrin, and the hustle my best friend. I heard of regret but I don't know him as well as my last few exes"
What do you think of Dave's Psychodrama album?
Frizzy
Living With Social Anxiety
I am currently typing this on a Sunday after, yet another weekend of plans that I was a no- show too. I missed out on a Mexican night with my university classmates which would have involved a healthy dose of tequila and also partying with my sister, no doubt on tables. I have not left my house since Friday, and this has been the cycle for more months than I care to remember. I wish I could communicate and explain why I don't turn up to plans and why I distance and isolate myself to others. I'll try to explain my anxiety in an understandable way.
I am currently typing this on a Sunday after, yet another weekend of plans that I was a no- show too. I missed out on a Mexican night with my university classmates which would have involved a healthy dose of tequila and also partying with my sister, no doubt on tables. I have not left my house since Friday, and this has been the cycle for more months than I care to remember.
I wish I could communicate and explain why I don't turn up to plans or why I distance and isolate myself from others. I'll try to explain my anxiety in an understandable way.
When I make plans I genuinely plan to keep them. I am excited at first and look forward to enjoying the moment and creating memories. Then as the date approaches I start feeling funny, my chest feels tight, I feel really uncomfortable, and then I mysteriously feel really tired and anti. My anxiety makes me second, third and fourth guess myself. It makes me feel like friends have abandoned me and I'm on the outside. I am on the outside but realistically I'm the one putting myself there.
I don't want to miss out on things, I'm in my 20s I want to run around wild and shake a leg but, I find myself with an unlimited mental list of things I need to know before I consider leaving my house. Who will be there? How will I navigate? Is there definitely parking? And most importantly will I be able to cope?
It's confusing because I'm not a shy person. Like seriously, not in the slightest. I'd describe myself as quite hype and lively but there's also this side to me that severely lacks energy and motivation. It is almost as if my brain triggers a switch that causes me to overthink to the point of an internal explosion.
I feel a pang of FOMO (fear of missing out). I hate when I read short versions of stuff and no one makes it clear what it means.
But yeah, when I'm huddled in bed thinking about what I'm missing out on I get really annoyed with myself. It's not like I go bed and I'm sparked out sleeping all night. I'm sitting there with my brain whizzing around stressing about random things. The worst thing is seeing snaps and pictures of the things I missed out on, knowing that I wanted to be there but my mind enslaved me. Knowing that I've missed out on yet another memory.
Each time I tell myself I'll be more sociable and get out there, hoping that I will synchronise my words with actions one day soon. The one thing I have noticed though is that I do relatively well with spontaneous plans. I feel like it bypasses a lot of anxiety, takes the edge of things and allows me to live in the moment. I know this is not the case for everyone but for me, I'm so manic that by the time I adjust to my surroundings I'm already out and genuinely enjoying myself before my mind can start doing the moonwalk.
I can't preach to anyone about how to overcome social anxiety because to be 100% real I am experiencing it now the worst I ever have. I'm not sure how to make it better but I'm going to seek professional help and go from there and keep updating people on my journey. People don't notice this rocky side of me because I'm not overly into divulging my issues, but bare in mind that even those that appear to be the strongest are breaking down inside.
I'm going to doing these sort of posts more regularly, as Mental health is something that I think gets brushed to the side and its real shit and it's affecting us. Additionally, this better be some sort of therapy for myself. *Peep the silent threat to my mind*