The Lockdown Blues

I write this, honestly whilst still trying to gather my life, fragile mental health and whatever broken parts are lying around of myself together in some form. As I write this my Tulips residing in a vase in front of me are on their last legs. Petal by petal making their great escape, only to land on my desk, which represents my dreams of wanting to travel and flourish, and the reality that I’m not going anywhere.

Aside from that, I actually love watching petals and leaves fall down. There is something captivating about knowing that they will eventually hit the ground but watching them float in the meantime. Does it signal rebirth? Hmm, I mean I think I’m so far gone at this point that I’m trying to find some purpose for myself right about now anywhere. Do you find yourself doing that? Clutching on things to try and find some sort of meaning or sign.

Right, I’ve been M.I.A for a little while on my website. A combination of no internet, next to no motivation, and a growing fear of returning to something after feeling like I’d abandoned it. Guilt, I think that’s the right word.

Did I mention that I am also looking crusty? I had no lip balm at one point, so I was a hot mess. My night gown is now my everyday gown. When this shit is over, I’ve just deeped it, I’ll have to throw away this gown. It no longer represents a bougie Frizzy, who partied for her best friend’s birthday party in it. It’ll be renamed the Glo’ down Gown! I’m so sad! I would cry, but I’m actually fresh out of tears. I’ve cried so much, that I’m struggling to pinpoint what even set me off.

Anyway, I can’t report that I had a successful pre lockdown shop to LUSH cosmetics, or anywhere. The lockdown in the England snuck in with an evening address on TV by England’s Prime Minister, followed immediately with shops being closed from that same night.

I can say that I’ve rummaged my way through Netflix. Between finishing Homeland, The Crown and random Telenovelas I feel all Netflix’d out. What are you watching, and most importantly what do I need to be watching?

I’m writing to get myself out of my funk, and to let you know that if you are too feeling shitty, and further away from happy or indifferent at this time you are not alone. So right about now, we are going to own our lockdown blues. Then we’ll get around to climbing back up later.

Drop me a comment or email, if you’d like to talk. Because genuinely, you are not alone, and even though it feels like this will last forever. It will eventually pass.