Cruising First Times

Holidays are for sun, sea and experiences. And whilst you’re in the chill mode it’s the right energy for first times. That first holiday romance, your first jet-ski experience, crossing a border for the first time. There’s so many to have.

Other than going on a cruise, I experienced a good amount of things for the first time during my getaway. 2020 definitely kicked off for me with a bang! I’m sharing my 5 Cruise holiday first times.

I was about to fast myself up and say this cruise was my first experience in the Caribbean, but it turns out it’s not because I went to Cuba. I know where Cuba is located but I’m still like hmm is it in the Caribbean? Maybe it’s because Cuba is a Spanish speaking country so I mentally place it with South America.

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First time doing Afternoon Tea

I make jokes all the time in England that I’m going to do up afternoon tea like the Queen. But I’ve never actually made an attempt to do it. So when the opportunity came up on the cruise ship, I was definitely down. I wanted to wear a 2 piece co-ord set like the girls from Clueless, but life happened. My afternoon tea was by Eric Lanlard and it was nice-nice ! My dietary requirements were considered too so I didn’t miss out on any food. The afternoon tea experience was ayt you know. I’m an infusion tea lover so when I saw the teapigs set up I was in my element. And I took some home too. You can take the girl out of the hood, but you can’t take the hood out of the girl!

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First time snorkelling

Yoo I was terrified. And my swimsuit snapped before I left for the trip. I convinced myself that I would be safer snorkelling in a swimsuit rather than a bikini. Anyway, my swimsuit breaking threw me off my game. And when I was snorkelling some EDJIOT woman grabbed me, then had the cheek to laugh and ask me if I thought it was a shark.

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First time regularly out in the sea

I bought Piney, my floating pineapple from Amazon. Major key. Plus I’d taken a couple swimming lessons to feel comfortable in the sea and basically not drown before I went on the cruise. In pretty much every country I visited I was in the sea which is a major U-turn from the Frizzy who usually puts her feet in the sea then ignores it for the rest of her trip.

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First time visiting numerous countries in a short space of time

So how cruising works is that you dock at a country in the morning, explore the country for the day and at night to sail off to the next destination. I visited 7 islands on a 2-week trip. I’m not someone who counts how many countries they’ve visited and ticks them off a list, but I definitely got a feel of the countries and know which ones I want to come back to and really explore. It was a good taster session.

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First time being away with a friend for a long period of time

In the back of mind, I kept thinking that something was going to go wrong. Does anyone else feel nervous when going away with a friend? You can go from having a best friend to a +447 number over the space of a holiday! I’m easily irritable and always worried that a bad mental health period will flare-up. On holiday your sharing a living space with someone and with them pretty much all the time. All was good in the hood though!

When is the last time you did something for the first time?

A Cry To War

By E.O. Odiase

&

K.N Pumpuni

Genre: Fantasy Fiction

Publisher: Ghagerian

*Gifted

Watch the breakdown

In 1267A whilst ruling the Mombaka Kingdom in peace, King Ewuare’s mind is far from being at peace. A father of 5, with 2 wives he has a lingering emotion. His father was killed in the previous war a generation ago and he can’t seem to move forward without getting revenge. After sleeping underneath an ancient tree in efforts to get clarity from the God’s, Ewuare makes his decision.

He chooses to avenge his father’s death, by sending his second son Mandisa, next in line to rule the kingdom, to kill the son of King Jabbar. King Jabbar killed Ewuare’s father and he wants his son’s life in return. The assassination is successful, but not everyone has the same vision to get Mandisa home safely back to the Mombaka kingdom and a series of things happen resulting in a death and a near death of another. One young man’s journey ends and another one’s has just begun as he navigates the other kingdoms faced with slavery, beasts and heartbreak whilst trying to find his way home totally unaware of the pending war.

Meha, the second wife of King Ewuare has her own agenda about their future and is plotting hardcore. Oh yeah she’s also having an affair with someone very close to home. The revenge, of the revenge attack bounces back around pretty fast and war breaks out. Meanwhile, in the Agbon mountains men are unaware of the sorcery and supernatural forces which are planning their ultimate end.

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“What kind of a King am I? One that hides from revenging the death of his father or a king who chooses to forget the past, to maintain peace.”

— King Ewuare

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Is that how you're feeling yeah?!

Let me two-step in with the positives first. I did enjoy learning about Thirteenth century West Africa, and appreciated how no attention to detail was left out when describing some events and locations. One event in particular I felt like I was really there. The Royal wedding of King Ewuare’s daughter, I attended, wearing my cloth of course.

The book caught my attention at the beginning and then just as quickly as it caught it, it was gone because of some random 50 shades of grey scene that hit me out of nowhere. The sex scene was real graphic, and considering how lengthy the book blurb is definitely needed a ‘hey FYI’ warning or some sort of notice that sex would be such a large part of the book. All of the sex scenes were very vivid, and were given more presence and commitment than war itself. Which undermines the book title.

Within the beginning two chapters, yoo a lot of characters and names came up. From the get go, too many names and characters were mentioned, and this continued throughout the book. It weren’t relevant to mention them all and it made things too fuzzy.

A large reason why the book didn’t bang was that the author’s tried to cover so many topics that some parts were overlooked or kept to an absolute minimum. One part to note is Kamunde, King Ewuare’s first son. The concept is fire, but as a reader the book needed more time to explain as it covers sorcery and supernatural behaviour but it was left way too late to leave an impact.

It Hit Me When

It hit me right by the end when it became clear King Ewuare’s fate and expiry date. The physical element of death isn’t what got me. It was that big realisation that came to me and I just said ‘raaar the need for revenge can really be the death of you.’ How one decision that is yours can really trigger a series of events with the results being totally out of your control.

Favourite Character

Eweka was my favourite character hands down. Throughout the story and the various things he’s dealt with he has proven to himself how much of a survivor he is, adapting to even the most harsh environments. Slavery, betrayal, heartbreak and he’s still standing! I stand by a strong man.

Kwame was a close second favourite. His kind heart and wisdom was admirable. I was sad with how ruthless King Jabbar was when dealing with Kwame and his wife. Turns out Hangman really is a real thing!

Length

316 pages. I didn’t like the ending, it ended on a cliffhanger. The book didn’t seem ready to end as there was too much left unexplained.

Seasoning level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

Salty. The book flowed and the main plot was engaging but there were too many sex parts that felt out of touch with the book, especially with the language used for them. Saying that though, I would give the sequel a try. I feel like the book has potential, but potential is also just a fancy word! It needs to get rid of some ingredients, freshen up the seasoning, and then marinate in the fridge again.

The BIG Quote

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“We may be from different Kingdoms, different customs and different religions, but today we stand as brothers, as equals with a common goal!”

— King Ewuare

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Frizzy

My Name Is Why

By Lemn Sissay

Genre: Non-Fiction

Publisher: Canongate

*Gifted*



Watch the Breakdown

My Name is Why is a memoir that explores author Lemn Sissay’s experience of spending his childhood in the British care system. Bulked up with Lemn’s childhood worth of social services documents you get to read first hand the dealings of an institutional care system and also open up yourself to question such as what is the meaning of home and family?

At the age of 17 Lemn Sissay was given his birth certificate and found out that only name and identity he had known his life, ‘Norman Greenwood’ wasn’t actually his birth name. (As a teenager he tattooed the initials N.G on his hand.) At birth he had been named Lemn Sissay, by his mother who was Ethiopian. He then discovered that his mother had been pleading for him to be returned to her after social services took him away from her when they were living in a home for unmarried women.

Lemn spent his whole childhood in the care system, initially with a foster family for the first 11 years, and then was ejected into a foster homes for the last 6 years after his relationship with the the only family he ever knew broke down.

It sounds like the plot of a thriller movie but it’s real life. It’s his real experience.

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“I work in rain said the storm
Thunder broke his heart
I woke in light said dawn
And spun the sun in the dark”

— Lemn Sissay

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Is that how you’re feeling yeah

Memoirs are supposed to be personal and you’re supposed to learn from them. So tick tick, but Lemn’s memoir is that bit more special because he puts his signature all over the book. I mean he’s not just a writer but also a poet who has a way of raising the perfect mixture of emotion out of you; some annoyance, disappointment, but not to the point that you want to put the book down and stop being curious to know more about his life. This writing thing is his speciality, and I’m especially a fan of each chapter starting with a short poem. The memoir flows throughout.

When I read this book I felt like it was a major release. For anyone who has gone through the care system, on one hand it could be triggering, but the greater good is that things have been said and shown that should warrant a look into the current care system and clear failings.

I feel like I just want to have a really quick word with the family that fostered Lemn though to be able to move forward, around the corner. Especially that Mrs Greenwood! She really vexxed me! How are you going to promise someone a forever home and then throw them out when you’re over it. I think how that played out was cruel.

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“She says Norman is a naughty boy, and that she sometimes thinks he is ‘amoral’. ”

— Social worker report after talking to Norman/Lemn's foster mum

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It Hit me when

Two things throughout the memoir really hit me. The first was reading reports from social workers interactions with people who should have been nurturing Lemn. Grown-ass people that were moving absolutely out of this world and should have known better from a professional commitment but also on a deeper moral level.

The second was when I read about Lemn’s time in his final placement before he went to live independently. It was in a facility called Woodend, a remand centre- he should have never of been there. The letters written in response to a post Lemn had written about Woodend were hard to read with people sharing their own personal experiences of their time there.

I met Lemn Sissay at a charity event in 2017. Whispers this* I had no clue who he was at this time*, but I remember being captivated by his keynote speech about a project he was so fond of. I remember his passion when he discussed The Gold from the Stone Foundation which he had set up, and hosts Christmas dinners around the UK for care leavers. Bringing people together so they don’t feel alone over the holidays.

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“Spoke to Mr Graves several times on the phone and eventually visited the school. He felt that Norman’s successes were too many for Chris to cope with. Went on to talk about another placement for Norman- without any consideration of how the boy might feel. I put it to him that it was the only home the boy had known.”

— social worker report after speaking to Lemn's headteacher

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Length

193 pages. It was the perfect length, because I wasn’t waiting for it to finish. Neither did I feel like I’d been finessed and missed out on information.

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

The book was all-purpose seasoned. A definite read. Lemn Sissay MBE, yes put some respeck on his name and add them last 3 letters. Lemn Sissay is an award-winning writer, poet, playwright, artist and broadcaster. As much as you read this book and are in shock (or not) at how this young black child was dragged through a problematic system and feel angry at the injustices he has faced, you can’t help but smile when you realise who this man grew up to be. Stories like Lemn’s show the strength of resilience, and why believing in your sauce is so important.

The Big Quote

“‘I do this job because I love children.’ In all my time in the children’s home they never said, ‘I’m in this job because I love you’. I was becoming invisible.”

— chapter 16

*Gifted by Canongate Books

Frizzy

4 Poetry books that banged in 2019

2019 has really given me the opportunity to read a lot of poetry. Poetry throughout my school-life left me feeling disengaged and made me mentally lock poetry in a box that read ‘Do not open.’ I’m glad I unlocked the box this year. Out of the poems I read some took me down memory lane, and a select few that were new to me screamed out fire in the booth leaving their mark. These 4 books that I am co-signing all comfortably bring their own seats to the table and the results are melanated magic.

By Sophia Thakur

Book: Somebody Give This Heart A Pen

Publisher: Walkers Books

Release Date: October 2019

I’ve been following British-Gambian poet Sophia Thakur, on Instagram for a while now after coming across her spoken performances online and I was impatiently awaiting this collection.

Newsflash, this collection does not disappoint. To describe Sophia Thakur’s collection in one sentence, combining the soulful vibe of singer Jorja Smith and poet r.h Sin’s ability to mind read and you have Sophia Thakur's intimate and soulful collection. Insert Lauryn Hill - Killing Me Softly.

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“Time away from belonging to an “us”
allowed my preferences to become personal again
and really I never liked your sharp tongue
nor the nature of your crew
those were the things I once contested
and then just became accustomed to.
”

— Risky Nostalgia

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The collection is broken down into 4 parts which make the process Grow, Wait, Break and Grow Again and provides a real intimate journey through universal topics such as love, loss, faith and self discovery. Most importantly, the collection has the power to make you want to look into yourself and evaluate where you’re currently. Risky Nostalgia was the ultimate stand out poem for me, I connected with it so deeply and it had me looking sideways whilst reading the poem out in public because it made me feel really vulnerable. I remember thinking that I was being watched because the poem seemed way too personal to me.

Bangalanging poems:

Risky Nostalgia, Excerpt from a Letter to My Little Black Girl and When to Write.

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“Run your fingers through your Afro, a tree that this whole culture breathes from.”

— Excerpt from a Letter to My Little Black Girl

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By Morgan Parker

Book: Magical Negro

Publisher: Little, Brown Book Group

Release Date: February 2019

Magical Negro is Morgan Parker’s second book and yo we have to protect Morgan Parker at all costs! This poetry collection is real raw leaving you with WOW spilling out of your mouth. I love how versatile Morgan’s poetry is. It definitely makes you feel like you’re on a rollercoaster. You could be reading a confrontational poem, followed immediately by a jokey poem that plays on stereotypes, and then be thrown deep into a poem about the politics in America. This work of art is dipped in vulnerability and explores everyday blackness, and at the very core both the pain and magic of being a Black woman in the US. 

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“Lead us not into white neighbourhoods,

Deliver us from microaggressions.

Blessed are those who mourn, we who

are a blood built on a hill of embers

We no mail-order hipster black wife.”

— Magical Negro #80: Brooklyn

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Magical Negro #80: Brooklyn really caught my eye with its twist on a popular Christian prayer ‘The Lord’s Prayer’, it had me laughing out way too loud when I connected the dots. The collection is really powerful and I love how structured the collection is, with it being split into 3 sections. The poem titles and the section titles don’t come to play! - Let Us Now praise Famous Magical Negroes, Field Negro Field Notes and Popular Negro Punchlines.

Bangalanging poems:

Magical Negro #3: The Strong Black Woman, Let’s Get Some Better Angels at This Party, If You Are Over Staying Woke.

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“Be honest when you’re up to it. Otherwise
drink water
lie to yourself
turn off the news
skip the funerals”

— If you are over staying woke

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By Jay Bernard

Book: Surge

Publisher: Chatto & Windus

Release Date: June 2019

In 2016 just after the Brexit vote, Jay was invited to become a writer at the George Padmore Institute, a centre that focuses on black radical history in Britain. They had a key interest in the New Cross Fire and the poetry collection Surge was born. The collection whilst drawing on some emotion provoking incidents finds a way to insert flavour and Jamaican patois.

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“Mudda she ah cry an she nah have no shoes on
Man dem ah look but to help dem refuse
Fren dem shock by di scale ah di loss
”

— Songbook

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There is a large focus on the 1981 New Cross Fire which took the lives of 13 young people, and draws similarities to the 2017 Grenfell tower fire. Even though over 30 years apart, the narrative surrounding the incidents mirror each other and the collection doesn’t shy away from highlighting how frightening and infuriating it is that incidents have lacked accountability! 

Bangalanging poems:

+, Proof and Blank.

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“It is said that several thousand people marched in the rain from -
And now what is there, ___? What do we have to show for -”

— Blank

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Robert M.Drake, rh.Sin

Book: Empty Bottles Full of Stories

Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing

Release Date: March 2019

Chances are before you know who the poets are Robert M.Drake and r.h.Sin are  you’ve read their poems and have screenshots of their words on your phone. I’ve definitely got more than I can count. Taking advantage of the social media medium both men with their relateable and empowering poetry have become females real life cheerleaders, therapists, healers and are a refreshing reminder that not “all men are trash.”

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“I think
you care
too much
but you pretend
as if
nothing bothers you.

I think
you want people
to miss you
but only
the right ones.”

— I Think, I don't think

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Teaming up the two authors have provided some heart and thought provoking poetry, with Robert M.Drake focusing on the Curse, with some political poems and r.h Sin dishing out the sort of poems that ‘G check’ you and pierce through layers screaming into your heart to get you away from any unhealthy relationships. Effectively helping to reignite the good old 90s RnB with some soulful poetry.

Bangalanging poems:

The first shot, Too late, Relateable through sex.

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“You’re not weak. Why? Well because you’re strong enough to love even when that love isn’t returned.”

— The first shot

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Sophia Thakur and Morgan Parker’s books were gifted*

Cuba: Lost Files & Journal

When you think Cuba, naturally your mind goes to straight to Havana or Camilla Cabello, with the Havana tune. Scratch that whole picture though, as I was literally on the other side of the island.

Where I Stayed

I stayed in the city of Palma Soriano with my Cuban friend who has a house there. The city is home to about 76,000 people and about an hour away from Santiago de Cuba. I had the most laid back 2 week getaway. We had no set plans and no military itenary. Just pure vibes, good weather, and for the most part other than my friend who is bilingual I was the only English speaker. I didn’t do tourist Cuba, and for that, I had a real ass experience. I love getting the opportunity to live like a local and blend in. Palma Soriano has no hotels, and I don’t fling around the word authentic around often but this was the real dealio. I also visited Santiago and stayed in a hotel for 2 nights in Holguin. Both these cities had a different feel to Palma Soriano.

Photo Tragedy

I came back from my getaway with hundreds of photos and videos. Hundreds might even be me being humble, I had well over a thousand. Anyway, I get back to the UK with the most limited phone storage, to the point that I had to delete stuff and then delete the deleted stuff just to salvage a tiny bit of data. In the midst of all of that I happened to delete pretty much all my Cuba photos so yeah... I’m stressed.

I did, however, make an Instagram story on my highlights before I went on my deleting spree. Priorities right! Check the story out.

Frizzy journal

For the first time in I think ever, I consistently wrote in my journal documenting my thoughts of experiences on holiday daily. I always die of laughter when I read over things that I write. I always sit there thinking why do you have to be so savage? Then I reply “I didn’t choose savage, the life chose me.”

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“Had lunch in a venue with a beautiful view. The food was shit again (shock horror) They brought me cold rice. And I didn’t have a drink with my meal because they only had beer. Sober life struggles.”

— Day 3

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“Visited Santiago de Cuba today. It’s a lot more vibezy than Palma. More touristy and bright coloured. I visited a cathedral, to take pictures to send to my Ga’mama. Then I ended up taking a picture in the square with a Cuban Abuela. I’m pretty sure I paid her for this picture that I didn’t even want to take!”

— Day 7

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“At 8pm we head out looking for a nail shop. After what seems like forever we end up in a nail shop in someone’s house. On the back of this woman’s door is a large machete... Must I say large? Is a machete ever small haha. I know I’m always in my own world, but now I have a fully functioning movie trailer to an epic movie that I’ve made up. Anyway I got my nails done, they are so beautiful. I’m in awe and gassed that I paid 20 pesos for them. About 60 pence.”

— Day 11

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“I managed to get 10 minutes in the wifi spot in town before it started pouring down and I got backslapped too many times to count by the rain. When we got home we went up on the rooftop to play in the rain. It felt good to be carefree.”

— Day 12

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 Frizzy

Exquisite Cadavers

By Meena Kandasamy

Genre: Literary Fiction

Publisher: Atlantic Books

*Gifted*

Karim and Maya:

[x] share a home

[x] worry about money

[x] binge-watch films

[x] argue all the time

Watch the Breakdown

Maya and Karim are married, and wrapping themselves in their own love codes, whilst navigating life in London. The book switches between both characters perspectives giving you a deep insight into their minds. Karim who is Tunisian is studying film making and is trying to make his own vision of art rather than being confined to his funders idea of what an Arab should create. Maya works for a newspaper, has a chain-smoking habit and is a bundle of emotions, with undealt with childhood abandonment emotions that leak into her relationship with Karim repeating their pattern of tension and avoidance.

Alongside this arching story, the author is also navigating life in London, filling in the foot/side notes.

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“In a conversation between forms, fictions and truths, Exquisite Cadavers is a novel about a young couple navigating love in London, and a literary hall of mirrors about an author navigating the inspirations behind her work.”

— Atlantic Books Press Release

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Is that how you’re feeling yeah

The first thing I did was google what Cadaver meant.  If you don’t know what it means don’t front it out. A cadaver is a dead human body that is used for science purposes, so medical students would study and dissect cadavers.

The preface section (right at the beginning of the book) had my attention, and then as when I went into the first chapter I found the layout confusing, as there were two central things going on and I drifted. As the book progressed I really appreciated the side notes and getting the chance to learn about the author’s mind-set and creative process whilst making the book. It wasn’t long before I was more interested in Meena’s side notes, and reading the story as a supplement to that and not the other way around. I really liked the breakdown of what guided Meena to make the characters behave and think how they did.

It reminded me of an exercise I used to do and thoroughly enjoyed. Effectively I’d sit at a table with 4-5 other people. Each of us would write a sentence and then pass our paper around continuing each other’s stories adding our own perspective to what had been written above.

It was also interesting to see as things unravelled in Meena’s life how it translated into the story. As much as the novel was fiction, Meena wanted her and her female character Maya to have some common ground, something to bond them so made Maya pregnant like herself.

The writing style of the book was very free form and innovative, but the story itself just didn’t reel me in. In between reading the story I kept stopping to look in a dictionary for the meaning of words. *Side note: I extended my vocabulary, but I was already struggling to stay engaged so it did no favours*

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“I cannot relate to her if I do not share anything with her. So, I end up making her pregnant.”

— Meena Kandasamy

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I have a personal connection with Tunisia and that is the main reason why I wanted to read the book.  The last ten pages built up the visuals for me - I could smell the smoke and taste the harissa, but as quick as the visual came the story just ended.

It Hit me when

Right at the end of the book when Maya came home to Karim not being there. She knew straight away that somehting wasn’t right, and then she received a text from Karim. It was clear that Karim was the most stable and consistent thing in Maya’s life and probably had been for a while. Plus, she’d just found out that she was pregnant and hadn’t had the chance to tell him yet. With the reoccurring theme of abandonment that Maya has had Meena really captured Maya’s panic and vulnerability.

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“Had to leave to Tunis urgently. Cannot tell you more atm, please take care, my love. Will call soonest, bisous.”

— Karim's text to Maya

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Length

104 pages including acknowledgement, but I thought it was too short. It ended as I’d started to get into it, in particular Karim’s journey to Tunisia.

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

I can’t see myself remembering this book, there was nothing substantially seasoned about it, I would, however, be open to reading some of Meena Kandasamy’s other titles.

*Gifted by Atlantic Books. The book’s release date is the 7th November 2019.

Sisterly Support Part 2: My Initial Thoughts After Attending Therapy

I've got to be brutally honest after my first group therapy session I thought to myself, "Nah man…*inserts multiple swear words* This is not for me." I didn't like sitting in a circle alongside strangers and having to talk, it made feel stupid for even going. 

In my mind group therapy was a mixture of a cringey camping retreat and an AA (Alcohol Anonymous) meeting and somewhere my anti-self would rather not be!

I'll jump back to end of 2017. After waiting for 3 years on a waiting list for this particular programme, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. I received a letter from the NHS telling me that I was at the top of the list. I remember crying and being sure it was a lifeline because I couldn’t see myself going on for any longer, every day just felt harder and harder to finish. However, it took until August for me to actually start the programme. On my particular programme I have therapy twice a week, one day group therapy and on another day one-on-one therapy.

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As I mentioned in Part one of the series: Advice for anyone starting DBT I think having a journal and writing your thoughts and feelings down throughout the whole programme is a major key! I go through stages really frequently where I feel very distrusting. So it's no good someone telling me how far I've come. I need to see for myself. Reading my journal entries from last year, especially after my initial therapy sessions, has really opened my eyes and allowed me to see my progress. The glow up is real*

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“These therapy sessions at times have been a blur. I was so excited to finally get it that I never thought of any other factors.”

— After my first one-on-session in August

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“In my head, I think I thought this was going to be a quick fix.”

— After my first one-on-session in August

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“I successfully attended my first group DBT. I was really anxious and thinking of excuses not to attend but I actually made it...”

— After my first group session in October

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“A quirky bunch of attendees. But I like that we all have BPD.”

— After my first group session in October

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It's important that I tell you this because you need to know the nitty-gritty reality I went through to understand how therapy has saved me and how much you can and will benefit from it. Do you know how many times I had to verbally talk myself into going back to therapy? For weeks on end I had to remind myself about an hour before therapy started that it wasn’t as bad as I was letting myself believe it was.It was like child bribery seriously. I know how you feel and where your head is at!

Give it time, you got this!

Frizzy

The Ungrateful Refugee

By Dina Nayeri

Book Review Genre: Non-fiction

Publisher: Canongate

What is it like to be a refugee? It is a question many of us do not give much thought, yet there are more than 25 million refugees in the world. To be a refugee is to grapple with your place in society, attempting to reconcile the life you have known with a new, unfamiliar home. All this while bearing the burden of gratitude in your host nation: the expectation that you should be forever thankful for the space you have been allowed. *Taken directly from the book* 

Watch The Breakdown

Part memoir, part reconstruction, this non-fiction book serves as a compassionate and unforgettable reminder that refugees are more than a statistic and number. Dina brings in her own personal experiences of having to leave her homeland of Iran at the age of 8, as well as combining stories of others who have become refugees and asylum seekers in the recent years.

You discover the stories of those who were thriving in their careers whilst in their home countries and now cannot work. Those who are determind to stay close to their cultural identity and do so through food. And those who cannot bring themselves to go into the harrowing levels of details the authorities demand when presenting cases for seeking asylum.

Through these real-life stories, it forces the reader to explore their conscious opinions about refugees and challenge the fear-mongering and anti-immigrant positions that many countries have adopted. This book is really important. You need to read it.

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

Chapters Overview

The book is well structured and breaks the insights it gives into the lives of refugees into five core parts. 

Part 1 covers in vivid details the action and risky process of escaping and leaving a country. You get a real sense of life for people in their homelands before and whilst they had to make life-saving and changing decisions.

Part 2 details the process of waiting and being allocated camps and temporary facilities. Dina visits one of the temporary accommodation that she was placed in recounting her experience there and the stories of daily life within those walls.

Part 3 explores the asylum process -The rejection letters and the asylum grantings that effectively helped many to reset their lives. A major topic of interest in this chapter is learning through various people's experience, as well as professionals, how the truth is interpreted and understood in different countries.

Part 4 is all about assimilation, and the expectations and assumptions of becoming the nation that adopted you.

Part 5 is titled cultural repatriation. It ends the book showing the different ways within the author's family, that cultural identity and belonging can show itself.

All the content of the book hit me really hard. But, the discussion between Dina and her baba/dad right at the end of the book caught me off guard. I found myself being really judgemental and feeling heated at his request for Dina to help her half-sister, who wanted to become an unaccompanied minor and refugee. Other than me thinking it was irresponsible and risky, I also felt that he had undermined and belittled the experience that Dina, her mum and brother had gone through.

 At first when reading the book I was sure that certain parts I'd read before elsewhere and felt frustrated, and then it hit me. I'd read Dina's previous book 'Refuge' and the bits that I felt were repetitive were from the 'Refuge' book and in fact details are taken from her life.

I usually write notes as I read through a book, but I couldn't bring myself to when reading this book. This book will forever stay on my bookshelf, no swapsies or lending out for real. I had to close the book and pick another activity to do many times because the raw details of what many had gone through stirred up so many emotions for me. If it could do that for me, a reader, imagine what it felt like for those who were going through it. 

Length

370 pages. It's not a book that you can read really quickly. It gives you a feeling of heartache so you have to slow down and really digest everything. 

Big Quote

"Why do we ask the desperate to strip away their dignity for the price of our help?"

My name is not refugee Podcast Episode

After being so moved by the book I called a family meeting and asked my mum and Ga'mama if we could talk about their experiences as refugees in the 80s coming to the UK. It also happened to be World Refugee Day and I've written about it. My Ga'mama was initially uncomfortable about recording, and thought she couldn't add much to the conversation, but warmed up and wouldn't stop talking after. You can listen to the discussion here

Frizzy

Sisterly Support Part 1: Advice For Anyone Starting DBT

I’m here giving you some sibling love. I wanted to do a post detailing the advice I would have appreciated so much before starting and in my first few sessions of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT). I remember looking online and learning loosely what DBT was, but nothing helped ease my anxiety of what to expect and I struggled to find first-hand experiences. 

I'm currently doing DBT and this is part 1 of what will grow into being my therapy series. In part 2 I'm honest about how I felt when I started. I've just had 2 newcomers join my group DBT, and I felt a lot of empathy when they discussed their discomfort about joining the group.

Before you even read any further I wanr you to acknowledge that you have made the first step. You've decided that you want to feel and operate better. That takes a lot, and it's not easy to come to that conclusion so be proud of yourself.

---

 Try and go into your therapy with an open mind

 I know it's easier said than done and our minds run wild with the ifs, buts, and maybes. Focus your attention on all the positive things that can come out of this by physically writing them out.

---

Voice how you feel about being new to the group

Every single person sitting in the room was once the newbie and in your position and can relate to how you're feeling. Your vulnerability can make you feel more comfortable about opening up, as well as starting conversations amongst the whole group.

---

 Therapy will get better

Don't judge yourself if you feel in a heightened state and the first couple of sessions feel like a blur. You need time to adjust and soak in what is happening.

---

 You know more skills than you know, I promise you

 Some of the skills you will get taught are coping strategies that you already use but haven't put a name to. 

For example, you went to the first session and decided that you weren't going to go back. But you boom you are there same time next week for the next session. You used a skill to get yourself back to therapy!

---

 Look at the diary cards and worksheets as part of your therapy

 Avoid separating them and defining the diary cards and worksheets as homework. (I know school wasn't everyone's favourite place so let's banish the word homework)

---

Fill out the diary cards daily

 Filling in a week's worth 5 mins before a session is anxiety-provoking. Place it somewhere so bait that you can't ignore it even if you wanted to. Put it on the front of your fridge, on your mirror, your bathroom cabinet. 

---

 Get a journal and write about your week

Either hold on to your diary cards and organise them or buy a journal. In your journal, you can write about your week using your diary cards as a template. The proof in seeing how far you've come on your journey is documenting it and being able to look back. 

---

 Just turning up to the session is not going to help you

I'd probably tell you to f*** off if I'd been told this, but it really is what I needed, but definitely did not want to hear. *I'd expect my sister to be honest.*

Turning up to the sessions is a bold move but it is only the first step. You need to be fully present and engaged. Some days you'll need to constantly remind yourself why you originally chose to come to therapy because it is hard.

Have you found the advice useful? What else would you like this series to cover?

Frizzy

Tell Me Your Secret

By Dorothy Koomson

Genre: Psychological Fiction, Thriller

Publisher: Headline Review

The book cover itself would make me want to read this book. And then the blurb, c' mon it's perfect marketing. My nosy levels are immediately on 100. There's a secret that I don't know about... and I really want to know! 

Tell Me Your Secret is the fifteenth book written by the award-winning author Dorothy Koomson. I've read 11 of Dorothy's books and was excited to read this one because her books feel familiar. Let me be clear, familiar in the sense of her writing style throughout the books. Her thriller books especially have always remained unpredictable and that is one of the reasons why I always happily jump headfirst into Dorothy Koomson's novels.

---

“I was disappointed with Pieta’s character. Imagine overcoming so much and finally stepping out of your shell and then entertaining your school bully.”

---

Watch the breakdown

The book kicks off with a mini introduction known as a prologue. It drags you straight into a creepy opening, with someone being told whilst blindfolded that they need to keep their eyes closed for 48 hours to remain alive, no matter what is done to them. A nod is required to begin the weekend. 

Detective Inspector Jody Foster has temporarily relocated to Brighton to lead an investigation into a criminal known as The Blindfolder, who has resurfaced and is now killing his past victims. Jody is personally invested in this case because fifteen years ago, she was told by the first victim about this crime and her judgements blurred her from bringing the Blindfolder to justice. 

Meanwhile, in the same city lives, Pieta Rawlings, a deputy editor at a regional News company who has not told anyone that ten years ago she was also kidnapped by a man who nicknamed himself The Blindfolder. She went through the 48-hour ritual and believed that after that weekend the worst was over. When she realises that The Blindfolder has now resurfaced and is now hunting down one-by-one his past victims, she naturally wants to escape and uproot her life. Except it's not just her anymore that she would be uprooting.

The women's lives overlap when the latest victim approaches the police wanting her story to be broadcast nationally. She chooses to sell her exclusive story to the news company that Pieta works for. Pieta's bully of a boss is on the chase for the "big win" and puts Pieta forward to win the story bid and to interview the victim for the company. Pieta's boss has gone all out and even hired a photographer, who happens to go way back with Pieta. Detective Inspector Jody Foster is in charge of the victim's safety, and whilst watching interactions between Pieta and the latest victim, realises that Pieta is also one of The Blindfolders past victims.

 Pieta has something that gives Jody a fresh chance to finally close this case but she's not so willing to potentially expose herself in the process.

Is that how you're feeling yeah?!

I read this emotional thriller in 2 days straight, and it made everything else going on around me feel like a complete blur. This type of book will make you feel on edge and definitely amplifies paranoia. Now that I've digested it I'm sitting here realising that the story plot is a lot. It is really quite sadistic. I've always wondered how Dorothy comes up with such original and equally creepy storylines. A quick google search told me that she has a degree in psychology... (Google be telling you everyone's business hayyy!) 

Both of the women, Pieta and Jody, are strangers to each other but are grabbing on to a big secret separately that is connected. It makes me think on a deep level about self-preservation and how when you have a burden you can easily feel disconnected and that no one else is or has gone through our chain of thoughts. What can I say I'm a deep thinker.

I was disappointed with Pieta's character. Imagine overcoming so much and finally stepping out of your shell and then entertaining your school bully. It proper wound me up, especially because that relationship went from being little mentions here and there to a large part of the storyline. You know when you see one of the girls go back to that ex-partner that she'd spent 2 hours on the phone to you last week crying about? It was that type of disappointment... like really?

When the story unravels, in the end, it’s too shallow. I was expecting a big explanation, maybe something to mind boggle me and make me dig hard and find empathy. The book was electrifying throughout so I didn't feel that I'd wasted a read but I sighed at how stupidly simple the big explanation was. 

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

Overall the story is juicy and the crime aspect is so on point that it is chilling. If you want a book that combines crime and a thriller you will not be disappointed. But the lack of depth in the characters and their behaviour watered the seasoning down for me.

The BIG Quote

"My fingers are curled to hide the shaking and my eyes are wide open to stop the memories that creep in whenever it's dark."

Frizzy

A Frizzy Weekend in... Athens

A weekend in Athens should have been amazing. My plane took off on time, I booked a good quality apartment in a hotel. Ouuu the hotel had one of the communal rooftop bars that everyone loves and the weather was 36 degrees. My idea of real good time. But BAM it just didn't go down like that. Regardless, I've still got you covered, until I spill the T at the end.

First Impressions

As soon as I left the airport I thought "yes, Apple weather wasn't lying for once." The weather was doing bits, properly make you sweat in awkward places sort of hot weather! Then I noticed the landscape with all the hills/mountains and I just stared in awe because the view was so beautiful.

What To Do In Athens

Athen's major pull factor is that the city is not lacking in things to do, plus there is a whole lot of history squashed in the city. There are historical sites posted up pretty much everywhere. The novelty of having lots of historical sites to visit wore off pretty quickly for me though as there were always lots of people about. There are a few places I definitely recommend though.

• The remains of what was Hadrian's library. This was the largest structure built by the Roman Emperor. It housed music and lecture rooms plus a massive pool. (If you're a bookworm this if for you)

• The National Historical Museum. The building used to be Greek's parliament, and the debates chamber is naturally the first room you venture into. The Museum showcases traditional Greek clothing, warships and some serious weaponry.

• The area of Plaka - Grab food down one of the side streets. It's the old neighbourhood of Athens and has a completely different vibe from the rest of the city.

• Taking a walk in the National Gardens. It's lush and you can easily explore the grounds for hours getting lost in nature. (Maybe pack some pepper spray to come with you)

Hadrian’s Library

In the National Gardens

Food

Every meal I ate tasted fresh, from the salads to the hot dishes with fish and seafood but as a whole, the food contained no Va-Va-Voom! You know when you eat a meal and know that a lot of love went into it. It didn't feel like that in Athens.

There is one cafe that hands down cannot be skipped though. In Psyrri lies a magical little area, that takes you to a fairyland. I'm talking multi-coloured umbrella installations, candy floss flowers and Mary Poppins galore. The Little Kook, is an unforgettable cafe, serving drinks, crepes, cakes and all sorts of filling forming desserts. Apple Pie with Crumbles is worth every filling.

“There’s definitely something anti in the Athens air!  Word to my mumma, I don’t go where I’m not wanted!”

— Frizzy

Nightlife

The nightlife in Athens is super lively. There are various nightclub choices in the area of Keramikos, which also get double points because they were right next to restaurants that looked like they were closing no time soon when I left the clubs at 4.30 am. Most clubs allow for casual wear and you can pay for entry via cash or card.

The Penthouse night club has the DJ's that play the bangers, Afrobeats, Bashment, Rnb, Trap. (The name of the club is misleading as it doesn't even have a door let alone a top view, but the vibes were right so no beef) Latin music was doing the rounds in all clubs as I walked down the strip so if you love Latin artists like J Balvin, Bad Bunny, Rosalia you'll be happy.

If you don't want to shake a leg but see yourself chilling with a cocktail and nibbles visit Couleur Locale in the area of Monastiraki. Monastiraki is a really energetic area so even if you don't have any solid plans you are sure to find a motive there. I stayed in the area and the streets never slept.

Wrap Up

I found my time in Athens to be for the most part horrible. Yes, I enjoyed the food and took good pictures but you can really do that in any country and I don't glow around being treated like a second class citizen.

Out in public, I experienced men staring at me for way too long and also shouting comments at me- this was generally the older men. Oh, and in a National Garden, one man took it to the extreme to watch me whilst playing with himself. Proper sickening. For every good restaurant, there was a far from a good one. I was kicked out of the first restaurant I visited because I sent a meal back that looked nothing like what I ordered. Yeah, and waiters went out of their way to refer to me as chocolate when trying to get me to take a seat in their restaurants. Then there were the occasions where cashiers point-blank ignored me and my home girl when we attempted to purchase things.

Two days after I shared my personal experience of visiting Athens on my Instagram I found out through social media that a fellow Black-British woman had been arrested in Athens and was being held without a lawyer or translator. She was accused of breaching sexual decency, something that she has strongly denied and was later acquitted of. So yeah, it's safe to say Athens is not on my list of places to return. There's definitely something anti in the Athens air!  Word to my mumma, I don't go where I'm not wanted!

Watch my vlog here to see the cheeky meal I got kicked out of a restaurant over and much more.  

Have you visited Athens? What has been your experience in the city?

Frizzy

One Year Later

By Sanjida Kay

Genre: Psychological Fiction, Thriller

Publisher: Corvus

*Gifted*

The breakdown

The death of Amy's daughter, Ruby-Mae, has left family members shell-like and consumed with grief. Ruby-Mae died at the age of three in a preventable accident. The one year anniversary of her death is fast approaching so the family decide to book a last-minute trip to an island in Italy, hoping a getaway will reduce the pain of their loss and rectify slippery relationships. 

One family member didn't get the memo that they weren't on the invite list, and as the holiday kicks off it becomes clear that the holiday repair dream is far from the reality. Something is definitely off on the island, and someone from the family is hiding a big secret. 

Will everyone make it off the island? And can the fragile family deal with another blow?

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

Is that how you're feeling yeah!? 

It took me a long time to get into this book, for the first quarter of the book-length I was disengaged and tempted to put it down. But… I'm glad I didn't because once the story warmed up it gripped me like I was on a rollercoaster and I didn't want to get off.

Sanjida tricked me on so many occasions. I had my thinking hat securely on and on so many occasions I was dead sure that I'd solved a mystery or question and then BOOM the story would flip and I was back to square one mad puzzled. That's how I like my thrillers, unpredictable and various steps ahead of me. I can't say too much of how I'm feeling because there's so much I want to say but can't because I don't want to spoil anything ahhh!

It hit me when 

It hit me when I took a step back from the book and really processed what was going on and how fragile the family was. Also, it made me realise how tense and on edge I felt whilst reading the book because of the disturbing layers. Yoo lies can be the undoing of a lot of things but lies within the family that's some real deep madness. 

Favourite Character 

I didn't form a massive attachment to any of the characters, but I found Nick's chapters to be really engaging. An interesting dynamic that Nick was the youngest of his siblings and very much the family glue that simmered down many situations.

Length

327 pages, including acknowledgement and book club questions. Keep a note pad, and don't be put off by the quiet part at the beginning.

Big quote

"There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery."

Gifted by Atlantic Books*

Frizzy

5 Songs On My "I'm Feeling Sad" Playlist

Through being in therapy I've realised that I've always struggled with being able to identify what particular emotion I'm feeling when I'm in an emotional state. The problem with that is you can't work to improve your mood if you are not in tune with how you are feeling.

One way I've been able to muddle through my conflicting moods is through listening to music. I thought I'd share some songs from my sad playlist with you. Sadness is one of the emotions I've always tried to push away, but pushing away emotions can be really detrimental. So now I allow myself to feel. I put on my Blue mink Nightgown, switch off my phone and turn on this playlist. I usually jump in a bubble bath, and cry whilst singing through the playlist, extra melodramatic but even more comforting.

Find a spot that feels comfortable, turn your phone on airplane mode and just vibes out. If you want to sing, sing. If you want to cry, cry. (If it makes you feel any better I'm a really ugly crier.) Sometimes it takes 5 songs to bring me back, other times it'll take 2 albums, and also on other days it'll require the playlist on repetition and a day in my bed. All 3 are okay, don't rush yourself.

No matter how long it takes when I’m done feeling sad I remind myself that I’m an O.G and go forth and slay! Let the slay be with you!

1. Kiana Ledé Featuring Jenifer Lewis -  Heavy 

(Taken from the 2019 'Myself' EP)

"Something feels like it's weighing me down, yeah. It takes control, turns my faith into doubt."

*The song outro is real tough love*

2. Bridget Kelly - Little Did You Know

(Taken from the 2019 'Reality Bites' album)

"The last few years have knocked me down but I'm still here. Trying not to lose my mind."

3. Katy B, Craig David & Major Lazer - Who Am I

(Taken from the 2016 'Honey' album)

"I got this pain and I don't know what to do with it. I've got this pain and I just can't be through with it."

4. Jhene Aiko - W.A.Y.S

(Taken from the 2014 'Souled Out' album)

"Everything takes time. You have gotta lose your pride. You have gotta lose your mind. Just to find your peace of mind. You have got to trust the signs. Everything will turn out fine."

5. Solange - Cranes in the Sky

(Taken from 2016 'Seat At the Table' album)

"I tried to keep myself busy. I ran around in circles, think I made myself dizzy."

For extra vybzing out if you need a superboost play Jorja smith's 2018 Lost & Found album and/or Jhene Aiko's 2014 Souled out album. They are both calming, and the have a consistent tone throughout each album.

Do you have a sad playlist? Could you see it working for you?

Frizzy

Lot

By Bryan Washington

Genre: Short Stories, LGBT Literature

Publisher: Atlantic Books

*Gifted*

The Breakdown

'Lot' is jigsaw pieces coming together in the form of stories exploring a community in the city of Houston. It is really hard to believe that this is the author’s first book and that this book is actually fiction.

The first introduction into the community is through the eyes of a young man, Black on his mum's side and Latin on his dad's, who throughout the book directs readers around the city whilst at the same time trying to find his place within his community.

From his and his families experiences you learn about the division between minorities, the scars of broken family ties, and the ongoing fight to not be defeated. The community naturally have a voice too, and this is told through various individuals.

You learn about the different pockets of Houston through a drug delivery man and his young sidekick, a Pimp who breaks his numero uno house rule by contracting HIV, a ride or die teenage baseball team, and a night of adventure with a sighting of the chupacabra, a mythical creature.

Favourite story

'Alief' is my favourite chapter, it's really powerful in showing how your community shares your indiscretions, pain, jokes and burdens. If I had to rename this title I would call it "chatty patty in full effect". Neighbours really do be in up in your business for real. As a reader you become one of the nosy neighbours, wanting to know how it ends but at the same time holding your breath because you aren't sure how things will play out.

So the gossip is that Paul's woman, Aja, is having an affair with James who also lives in their apartment duplex (In the UK it's a block of flats... small-small difference). But yeah... everyone knows about it except for Paul. Don't be surprised if you start crying at the end of the chapter. I cried for Paul. In the Black community part of being successful is to do better than the generation before you did, to take a step further and Paul ended his journey just like his mother.

It Hit Me When

When the main storyteller admits his sexual preference being men, in confidence to his older brother, who then responds by punching him in the face. Reading that made me feel like I'd been completely blind-sighted and punched as well. It's always hard when those closest to you refuse to accept you for who you are.

Is That How You're Feeling Yeah!?

This book makes you drip in compassion. It's well written and demands your attention right from the start. But most importantly doesn't drop the ball. I smell tick boxing activities from a mile away but can we just pause. We are reading about a young Black and Latin male in the US, who likes males amongst an array of other diverse stories. C'mon, Bryan did that!

The book feels very authentic and gives transparent and unrestricted access to a community that many would never know about, combining the good, the bad and the ugly. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that the author is from the city and has really tapped into realistic, unforgettable and compelling characters. Being from the UK, media coverage about people who fall into these demographics in the US often comes across as judgemental and one-sided and it's refreshing being introduced to these people from a completely different angle.

I love it when books swing into dual languages so I was smiling whilst writing out various Spanish words in my notebook to later translate. A lot of them are cuss words, but you never know when they might come in handy!

Now and again you come across a book that you didn't know you needed, but will never forget! In 2019 this is for sure the book that has done that for me.

Before this book the only Houston reference I had in my mind was Beyonce. But now I'm happy to say when I hear Houston I'll think of the stories that came from this city and the banging author and writer that is Mr Bryan Washington.  

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

The Big Quote

"Your eyes will show you what they want to, or whatever they think you should see."

*Book gifted by Atlantic Books

Frizzy

The Brighton Mermaid

By Dorothy Koomson

Genre: Crime Fiction

Publisher: Headline Review

Watch the Breakdown

This book is a madness where do I even begin?  Two teenagers, Nell and Jude, are on their way home from a party, after sneaking out of their houses, when they find the body of a young woman. They really want to believe she's sleeping but she's definitely not. Well, she's sleeping but she's never going to wake up. No one comes to identify the woman so she becomes known as the Brighton Mermaid. Meanwhile other bodies are washing-up around different shores making people think they have a serial killer running riot. 

Nell and Jude both struggle to cope with their discovery, and more so the aftermath of it. Then 3 weeks later out of nowhere, Jude, who has starting dressing like the dead woman, vanishes. Nell's dad then gets accused off being a murderer and also being linked to Jude's disappearance, which cuts deep for each of the family members, in particular Macy, Nell's younger sister. Legally and mostly illegally their family are pursued by the police for years, with one officer holding a very strong grudge that turns him into a full-blown stalker.

25 years later, as the Brighton Mermaid anniversary is approaching, Nell quits her long term job, after being backed up into a nasty corner by a certain stalker, to find out who murdered the Brighton Mermaid, and also to discover what happened to her best friend Jude.

As Jude gets closer to finding out all the pieces to the Brighton Mermaid murder puzzle people helping her get closer to solving the mystery start getting physically attacked, including herself. 

Someone is hell-bent on the truth not coming out, seeming to know all her next steps and her paranoia increases. As independent as Nell is, she also has some eye candy assisting her.

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

Favourite Character

My favourite character from the book is Macy/Macenna. She's really sensitive, vulnerable and extremely impulsive and I just want to give her a big hug (& I don't even like hugging people.) She has OCD and anxiety issues which developed as a result of the aftermath of the murder. She was about 11 years old when the murder of the Brighton Mermaid happened and she's also been holding in a major secret for nearly 25 years which has clearly taken a massive toll on her. 

She has random outbursts that I honestly really get. When her paranoia gets too high she imagines the worse scenarios, which then make her switch on others. An example being when she forced her partner and sister to sit in a room and discuss their issues with each other. Then days later she's having sex with her partner and she stops midway.

“You practically jumped on me when she left. Are you doing it because of her? Because of Nell?”

— Macy

It hit me when

It hit me right at end, there were little bits throughout the book that my mind thought was weird or out of place and all questions that I'd had were then answered towards the end when all the dot-to-dots were completed. When Nell and Macy's dad was strict about so much, in particular sleepovers  it reminded me of my upbringing. For whatever reason if there was a man in the house I wanted to stay in, especially if it wasn't my friend's father, my dad was not involved. Chances are I wouldn't be attending! *I can't say too much more without giving too much away*

That how you're feeling yeah!

I've read so many of Dorothy's books and expected big things from this one. I'm also really used to her writing style which I find really effective, having females as main characters and using different chapters to go back and forth between 2 periods of time. There is so much going on and lots of layers in this book, but everything slots in like a jigsaw piece. Every raw emotion, every gasp is so deliberate and lasts longer than the moment it triggers you. I read half the book in one sitting and when it got to the evening and the sun went down I felt scared. No that's an understatement I was shook-eth. Every little sound set me off. I just kept thinking of the dead woman washed up on the beach in Brighton, remembering her curly afro and tattooes. I'm dramatic but stick with me... I'm sitting in bed, hearing voices outside thinking, ahhhh that could be me in the River Thames next.

The book casually covers important themes such as police brutality, prejudice and White privilege. Let's be clear you need a life vest on when reading this because this book will grab you by two hands and pull you right into the sea, basically like a mermaid would. It's not going give you loads of funny moments, but there's so many other moments you'll get that are more rewarding. Saying that though there is one part that will make you chuckle. Nell kicks the guy she is dating out of her flat and he asks if he can call her.

“Nell: Of course
Zach’s His face brightens and relaxes in relief
Nell: I’m not going to answer, but feel free to call as many times as you like
FX: Door slamming in Zach’s face”

I thought that was so jokes, and I really needed that moment to be able to exhale everything else that had been happening. I always looked forward to little interactions between Nell and Macy, I wanted to lock them in a room and keep them there until they dealt with their issues because their relationship throughout the book is super intense and they clearly walked on eggshells around each other.

Length

429 plus teasers for past books.  I read the book in 24 hours because once I opened the book I struggled to put it down. The pace was perfect and the drama kicked off from the beginning.

The big quote

"Every time I blinked I saw her: the untroubled face, the motionless body, the detail of her tattoo. Every time I breathed I realised that the woman with the Brighton Mermaid tattoo wasn't going to do that ever again."

Questions for the author

1. Will Nell and Jude ever be reunited?

2. Will Nell eventually make one of the 2 men her boyfriend?

3. What inspired this book? It's so spooky and calculated. 

Frizzy

What’s In My Happy Box - And Why You Need One Too

I woke up on Tuesday after 5 days of tears, naps,waves of rage and craved fish soup. Fish soup in 27 degree celsius British weather? Yes, Fish soup. It's my happy, feel-good dish. It makes me feel warm and full. Cup half full or half-empty? Gurl my cup got filled all the way up. The day before, on Monday, I arrived at therapy looking like a corpse, and I have to admit I hadn’t bathed or combed my hair for 2 days. I just felt so zonked. After an hour with my therapist, I can’t lie she is a magician, I left feeling empowered. More so, because she doesn’t let me sit quietly for the hour, and she helped me to climb out of my emotional ditch and empower myself.

---

Not everyone has a therapist, but everyone can have a happy box. I've been told numerous times by therapists to create a happy box that holds happy things and I've just never got around to officially doing it. As there is no time like the present I decided this week to locate an empty box and stock up. I did it because like many others I want to help myself by preparing for the bad days whilst I'm having good days.

The contents of the box are really helpful when trying to either settle heightened emotions, and when pulling yourself into the present. I'm sharing the goodies in my happy box to spark your interest in creating your own happy box. It’s all about catering to your 5 senses. Happy boxes also make the best gifts. Because of the nature of it, it’s really personal and thoughtful.

Taste

A pack of your favourite biscuits, chocolate bar, boujie herbal tea …

What’s in my box? Fish soup of course! Well it can't go in the box for obvious reasons, but I make sure that meal is included. And I always have Marks & Spencers Pistachio & Almond Cookies as back up! In my soup though I have Red bream fish, Okra, Butternut squash, Plantain, Yam, Dumpling, Spring onions, Scotch Bonnet *I've given you the ingredients because sharing is caring, but I got to be honest, my yé is different from your yé*

Smell

A fragranced candle, flavoured oil, scented soap,

What’s in my box?Some French perfume my Ga'mama has used on my since I was a baby. It's not the best smelling perfume but it brings up warm memories of being at my Ga'mamas house.

Touch

Leaves, play dough, sand, a ribbon, a piece of jewelry…

What’s in my box? I have some sea shells that I've collected at beaches throughout my travels and brought home with me. They have different textures and I love playing with them.

Hear

A music single/album, a recorded message on a USB…

What’s in my box: Miguel's 2018 album 'War & Leisure' really grounds me. The album is so wavy and follows Miguel's R&B/Soul aura. Except for 2 songs the album has no swear words and I find his voice really soothing.

My two favourite songs when I need cheering up are 'Pineapple Skies' followed by 'Caramelo Duro' which has me dancing and repeating 4/5 times.

See

Bath bombs, a prayer, uplifting quotes, photos …

What’s in my box: 3 photographs

Far right photo - This was taken in Tunisia, 2013 the first time I ever went on holiday, like actually got on a plane and left England. The picture reminds me of a time I was independent and tried something for the first time, reminding me that it will happen again.

Far left photo -  This was taken on my third birthday. My mum took me to the cinema for my first time and we saw 'Casper'. Plus I had McDonalds which was a treat. This picture reminds me that there were some really good moments in my childhood. 

Middle photo - I'm about 6-9 months old there. It brings me happiness looking back at the beautiful & peaceful lil bubba I was.

Do you have a happy box? What would/do you keep in your happy box?

Frizzy

Celestial Bodies

By Jokha Alharthi

Translated by Marilyn Booth

Genre: Literary Fiction

Publisher: Sandstone Press

*Gifted*

Watch the breakdown 

Celestial Bodies is a book about the past and ongoing changes happening in Oman. These are explored mainly through the lives of three sisters back in their village of al-Awafi. The three are very different individuals.  The eldest sister Mayya marries after experiencing heartbreak. The second sister Asma, a lover of books marries out of a sense of duty. And the youngest sister Khawla, stands her ground and refuses various marriage requests choosing to wait for her cousin to return from Canada to marry her. Through the interactions of the sisters with their family and wider community you get an insight into the traditions and cultural beliefs shaping the society which until the 1970s was a slave-owning one.

It hit me when

Khawla asked for a divorce. Ok, you need some context. She waited for years and years for her cousin, they'd been promised marriage to each other when they were younger. Anyway, he'd gone to Canada on a scholarship and basically ditched his studies and never returned to Oman after. He eventually returned to Oman and married Khawla for financial gain. She had him, but she never really had him, and then ten plus years later when he decided he was ready. BAM... she checked out!

Mannnn, a woman has emotionally checked out before she verbally tells you. She put up with a lot and stayed around for so long, even to the point that family members thought she was insane.

Favourite Character

Abdallah was my favourite character. In the midst of there being so many other characters, I looked forward to his chapters. He gave off a real warmth viewing everyone as equal, including slaves. I also felt sorry for him, he loved his wife so much and she just never showed any affection towards him.

Is that how you’re feeling yeah?!

The book is a good insight into a community going through a transition and I managed to get a peek into that. Certain parts I really enjoyed reading. Khawla's journey, and even though the section was short, Maryam and the Judge's marriage, it felt magical. The storytelling was the strongest when the chapters were stand-alone focusing solely on a specific character, cousin Marwan's story is one of them. Someone brought up, with effectively his life already planned for him on the back of a dream his mother had.

The rest of the book felt scattered and all over the place, and it overshadowed in my opinion what could have been a really strong novel. There were so many names and characters coming up and then never being mentioned again. Also, there was no clear order as to how and when these characters appeared so it became really busy. For example, a character like Zarifa would be discussed, then next her death would be covered, and then in the following chapter, a story would continue with Zarifa in it. And then later details of her death would appear again. It was just too confusing.

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

Somewhere between salty and CO2. I'm usually so thirsty for little details and answers, but by the time I got to the end of the book I was so drained trying to keep up that I didn't even care about what had really happened to Abdallah's mum, and that is really rare for that to happen to me.

*This book was gifted by Sandstone Press. 

Frizzy

HOTEL: The Galata Istanbul MGallery by Sofitel

Picking a hotel always leaves me feeling extremely nervous. Even once I've booked one, I'm constantly second-guessing if I've picked the right one, if I'm in a good area, and if I could have found a better-suited hotel for me. This time, however, I felt really satisfied with my decision. When I arrived outside the hotel and saw the red carpet at the entrance, my face lit up. "They've brought the carpet out for my arrival, ah, I'm a superstar." It turns out the carpet is always there, but it was definitely a welcome touch!

Based in the Karaköy district, the MGallery is relatively new. Even though it is just over a year old, the venue has lived a full life. To open an MGallery, there must be a history behind the building. Back in the day, the venue was an Italian bank. If you look behind the reception desk, you can see deposit boxes, which really add flavour. If it's not seasoned, I'm not impressed. The lounge area also houses a bar serving everything from hot drinks to cocktails.

---

“The first thing I noticed was the dark brown wooden shutters, and I developed an unhealthy infatuation with the bathroom.”

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The spa offers many treatments, with English prices, of course. However, you could be swayed by the Turkish hammam, which dates back more than 300 years, giving you an authentic experience. Certain packages also grant you access to the sauna and steam room. Plus, in the spa's chill-out area, you receive complimentary tea and snacks. I love complimentary stuff.

Rooms

This boutique hotel has 83 rooms spread out across 4 floors, and not once did I see anyone on my floor. I love feeling like I'm the only guest at the hotel, and I was very much made to feel that way throughout my stay. The staff were smiley and always happy to assist, and their energy felt genuine.

I originally stayed in the deluxe king room and I fell in love with the room's decor. It wasn't loud; the colours were neutral and had a real warming flair. The first thing I noticed was the dark brown wooden shutters, and I developed an unhealthy infatuation with the bathroom—especially the tiles! As soon as I was introduced to the bed, I was a goner. I was actually, knocked out clean for hours, to the point that I woke up frazzled and it was dark outside. I had to order room service, because I had no intention of getting out of my bathrobe and cute MGallery slippers! The only thing missing for me was a bathtub. That said, the shower was fantastic.

Speaking of water, bottled water was delivered to my room every morning without fail. And all rooms have a minibar, and the suites even have champagne stocked in them. Inserts Nigerian voice "Hayyyy" if you cannot afford it, don't touch it!

The rooms on the higher floors have the best views of the city, and many rooms come with balconies. However, if you forfeit a balcony, you do get to enjoy the breathtaking ceiling detail on the second floor. Plus, there's a hidden game-changer on that floor too—the cutest ever 2-level suite. On the lower floor, it has a living room with a toilet, and then on the upper floor, there's a king-sized bed and master bathroom. I spent my last night lying in bed with cake, planning on how I could get away with moving permanently into this suite.

I'm usually indifferent to the complimentary shower gel and toiletries in the bathroom because more time than not they feel basic. But don't sleep on MGallery's products. The body lotion made me feel like I was in a premium advert and shock horror, the hair conditioner actually hydrated my hair. I could write a blog post about hair products in hotels and still be rolling my eyes at the time it would take someone to travel around the world and back, but can we have a moment? These products hooked my afro up.

Side note: I was feeling extra sensitive, because my hair products did not make it out of the airport. So the realisation that these products worked on my hair, hit that little bit deeper!

Nightlife

From 5 pm, the hotel opens its rooftop bar on the second floor. The Anton Peran bar attracts the 18-30-year-old quirky Turkish crowd, allowing you to meet and vibe with locals. Initially, I thought the daily parties going on until 2/3 a.m. would mess up my sleep, but once your room door is shut, you can't hear a thing. The hotel takes soundproofing to a whole different level. Additionally, people attending the bar use a different entrance and exit.

The music genre changes each night. On Tuesdays, they play electronic music, which is not my style at all, but I loosened up because the vibe was so contagious. As someone who doesn't drink alcohol anymore, a good vibe is everything because I can't drown a dead vibe out with tequila shots! On Wednesdays, they play R&B and hip-hop. Don't get too excited though; I'm talking Destiny's Child and Sean Paul (with Kainrow) tunes! MGallery, book me to DJ and bring the good-good up-to-date tunes.

Food

The food hit the spot. All food matters go down in the Civarda Peran restaurant, open from 6:30 am to 11 pm, serving traditional Turkish and worldwide dishes. Breakfast was a banquet. Everything I wanted and didn't know I wanted was there. As someone who doesn't eat pork or cheese, I have always found securing a filling breakfast in Europe to be difficult.

But I felt like a kid in a candy store. Lentil soup, fresh waffles, omelettes with all the trimmings, turkey sausages without the plastic taste, fresh fruit galore... I could go on and on, but the big exclamation mark moment was... drum roll... the unlimited freshly squeezed orange juice.

Laziness is not going to cost you your taste buds, and it's also not going to create a hole in your pocket. Room service offers a variety of options. I ordered meatballs, rice, and chips. Turkish meatballs and English meatballs are two different sizes. I didn't get the round spaghetti meatballs; I was delivered mini-burgers without the bun—four of them! I couldn't finish all the "meat mega-balls," so I ended up eating the rest at 3 a.m. while half asleep. You can have 99 problems, but going hungry at MGallery is not going to be one! I knew that MGallery and I would have matched on Tinder when they brought me, as standard, three different types of seasoning next to my food!

Small small tips

Avoid the rooms that face the main road- I felt like I was in a horror film because of the abandoned building staring back at me through the window. If you don't want to be disturbed, make sure you put your "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door because the staff are really punctual and quick to enter your room to clean.

Wrap Up

I strongly suggest staying at this luxury hotel, and I would happily return to Istanbul and book this hotel again. It aligns with the respectable Sofitel brand, but it's very much its own hotel. You are so close to many staple places, but you're also not overwhelmed by being on their doorstep. The Galata Tower is a 7-minute walk away, and the old town is four tram stops away. I was in a lavish establishment and felt like I belonged there, which isn't always the case when I travel.

The nightlife in the hotel attracts a younger audience, but I really can't put an age range on who this hotel is for because there is enough to satisfy everyone who walks through their doors.

A Frizzy Weekend in… Cannes No Festival

I visited Cannes last month, literally in between two of the biggest Cannes festivals Cannes Film Festival and Cannes Lion. Visiting Cannes definitely created an... I came, I saw, I conquered moment. Keeping it all the way 100, you don't need more than one day in Cannes. It's only a 30-minute train ride and €4.90 train ticket from the city of Nice, which is a 2-hour flight from the London. No peer pressure, but I'm going to throw it out there you could fly out in the morning, bang out the day, then be home in your bed after a night flight! Bada-bing Bada-boom.

Shopping

Head to the Boulevard de la Croisette to find the well-known luxury brands. I’m talking the usual premium brands such as Chanel, Gucci and Prada. Imagine Knightsbridge in London except with palm trees. C’mon that’s a nice location to shop in! Plus across the road is the seafront. The road stretches over 1 mile and there are all sorts going on there. People walking their dogs, people jogging, effortlessly, and people heading to and from the beach in their swimwear. 

Between the train station and the main boulevard, there are lots of boutique shops and your well known high street ones. Plus, if you are from the UK and are barely surviving without Sephora, Cannes has you covered!

Beachlife

So how it works in Cannes is there are public beaches and also private parts of the beach. The private parts generally are reserved for restaurants or hotels. Because I went in between two festival there were loads of pop-up restaurants and I kid you not they tried to charge me €13 for a soft drink. And I saw Coca Cola on the menu for €10. Newsflash- I'm not that girl!

The public beaches are perfectly fine and I found that they weren’t packed at all, there were only a small amount people there. FYI the sand feels better than it looks. It looks quite grainy but it feels softer. I mean it’s definitely not Seychelles type of sand but it will do.

I can't tell you how nice the sea was for surfing etc because I didn't do that. It was a shame to see that on certain parts of the beach there was lots of oil in the water. It was really off-putting. I'm assuming it's because of all the big yachts parked up nearby, but if you’re after a holiday where swimming plays a large role, I’d reconsider going to Cannes.

Major Key- How happy would you be if you could get a massage whilst you sunbathe on the beach? Some ladies roaming the beaches have got you covered, for €25 per 20 minutes. Don't try to look for them, they'll find you! 

Food

The food in Cannes was the highlight of my trip big time. One restaurant in particular really stood out and is open for both lunch and dinner.  Astoux & Brun serve the good-good fresh seafood. Seafood and fish is their speciality. And I had the opportunity to try escargot for the first time. *Insert Drake lyric* When’s the last time you did something for the first time? They are basically big snails. It sounds nasty when you overthink it but they taste banging. Ooouu and I also tried oysters for the first time... I have no shame saying that I had to Google how to eat oysters. Lobster, Crab and all that good stuff are also available at the restaurant. 

For a light lunch I’d recomment eating the Seafood Spaghetti at L'Avion or getting a Pad Thai Salad at Warner’s Cafe.

*I have a confession I saw a snail in my garden today and found my mind drifting into what it might taste like*

Accommodation

If you want to spend a night or two or three in Cannes there are plenty of places to stay. I went with an apartment I found on Air Bnb which was a 15 minute walk away from the beach and anything important. Cannes really isn’t a big city. the property was clean, bright and cost £69/€80 per night. Plus it had a mini kitchen. I didn’t cook but it’s nice to know the option was there. The closer you are to the beach the more you pay for properties so bare that in mind. Prices range from £150 per night upwards.

Photo’s taken from host’s Air Bnb page *

Wrap Up

If you're going Cannes you need to slay. Cannes is not a humble visit. No, no, no you need to get your "bad and boujie" persona on. So get your shades out of your wardrobe, bring out them Oooh lala outfits and get tah stepping. 

Disclaimer: I will not take any responsibility for you going into your overdraft after reading this post!

Frizzy

Dune Song

By Anissa M. Bouziane

Genre: Literary Fiction

Publisher: Sandstone Press

*Gifted*

Watch the breakdown

Everything changes for Jeehan Nathaar, after witnessing the collapse of the World Trade Centre. Her American identity gets brutally shattered causing Jeehan to retreat from New York back to her birthplace. Thousands of miles away in Morocco, with fresh friendly faces, Jeehan cannot escape her memories of the 9/11 attacks and gets tangled in a different type of atrocity.

Chapter by chapter the setting shifts between the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks in New York and the desert in the south of Morocco. From the minute Jeehan enters Morocco she is on a journey; her vision is blurry but as time goes on it gets clearer and clearer. And it’s after a burial ceremony in the dunes that Jeehan eventually starts to rebuild herself up from Ground zero.

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

Is that how you’re feeling yeah?!

There is something really colourful and poetic about the book, which considering the story, shouldn’t work but it does and it's so beautiful. The book is really raw yet mellow. Issues such as human trafficking appear in the book and I imagined the story would be typically action-packed and abrupt because of the emphasis on that topic but it's honestly nothing like that at all.

The descriptions used in this book are so vivid, even after finishing the book I can still picture the minute Jeehan enters the arrivals lounge in the Moroccan airport, with her yellow suitcase and gets her foot bashed by the cart of an impatient passenger.  

I love the Arabic language and am in awe with how the author used French and Arabic words throughout the book.

It hit me when

I really felt Jeehan’s pain as she explored the newly formed conflict between her Muslim-Arab and American identities. It made me feel really sad that they now had a brand-new meaning because of the actions of some individuals. The same people she had worked alongside, and been friends with now approached her as the other, the protagonist, the enemy and it felt so unsettling to read.

“Why do Muslims, or Arabs, or whatever… why do you hate us so much?”

It's frightening how the notion of home can be flipped upside down so rapidly. The people that knew Jeehan and saw her on a daily basis turned on her in the US so quickly, yet on the other hand, the strangers she met in Morocco took her in and extended their kindness just as quickly. 

It reminded me of an interview I recorded with a school friend for a radio feature I was doing years ago. She openly spoke about her pain of having to endure prejudice and Islamophobic comments because she passed as white. She was a British born Moroccan and didn’t wear a hijab which made others feel comfortable to reel out nasty comments about Muslim people and it really knocked her.

Favourite character

Fareed is my favourite character. I quickly realised that I preferred the Moroccan characters in this book, because I connected with them and was really invested in them.

Even in the harshest of times, Fareed gives you a sense of hope. Because of some of the activities he is involved with it's hard to remember that he is actually just a child.  But then I remember his interactions with Jeehan, and his excitement in his Hawaiian shirt and it really drives home his age and it's easy to picture Fareed as a little brother; good-hearted but naive. 

Length

357 pages. The book went at a really good pace making me feel really at peace with the finishing. It felt like the author was holding my hand and slowly walking me to the end. It really was the ending I hoped for.

Questions for the author

1.What did you title Jeehan’s article?

2.Where does Jeehan eventually make her base as home?

3.Does Mr yellow suit ever face prosecution?

The BIG quote

“She comes to you heavy with the weight of the world.”

*This book was gifted by Sandstone Press.

Frizzy