Yinka Where Is Your Huzband Book Review

Lizzie Damilola Blackburn

Released: 2022

Genre: Romance Fiction

Watch the Breakdown

Yinka has a whole lot going on. We’re introduced to yinka at her little sister’s baby show. Firstly, she’s prematurely told family and friends that she’s about to get promoted in her banking-ish role. Even though she actually gets made redundant the following week. Her little sister is married, and expecting her first child, whilst she’s huz-band-less! Her mum and aunties have made it their business to include her name in their public prayers, because in their eyes she should have been married yesterday. Afterall… “Yinka where is your huzband?” I don’t remember Yinka ever saying that she didn’t want to find one, but you can’t buy-a-huzband these days.

Pressure can either make diamonds or make you start moving sideways. So desperate to not attend another wedding alone she sets up a plan using a business model to secure a date. Along the way she meets men, some newcomers and some known to her who provide their own types of stresses along the way. Yinka brings us into the world of a thirty-one year old South Londoner, all whilst remaining unemployed for what feels like forever.

The story includes family relationships, friendships, friendzone ships, and a couple of hard knocks along the way!

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Heads swoosh in my direction and despite my attemps to avoid eye contact with my aunties, I can tell they’re grinning at me encouragingly. ‘Lord I pray that this year will be the year… that Yinka finds her husband!’ I inhale to stay calm. My time will come. I know it will.

*Taken straight from the book blurb*

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“Jo, every Black woman in Peckham is my aunty”

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Is that how you’re feeling yeah

Ahhh, you know what yeah, I really wanted to enjoy this book. Let me just set the scene. I took the book with me on holiday, I was in full relaxation mode, I had on my good-good sandals. And the book wasn’t bland, and I’m happy that the industry is making way for more rom-com fictions but that fully purposed book feeling just never came. The book cover was popping but the story was mediocre, even thought I felt it had the potential to really bang! The mix up, yeah there was the right amount of that. And I love reading about mix up, I can’t lie!

Some good subjects were touched upon, colourism, therapy, marriage pressure, etc but they felt very much on the surface. I felt that too many important issues were trying to be stuffed into the pot that it became a struggle for anything to stand out long term. I simply wanted more depth. I liken it to english exams where you get 2 points for listing things, and then an extra 5 points for the analysis. The analysis just never came.

I will say though, it’s a not a bad read and the beautiful cover alone is a reason to have it on your book shelf.

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“I know that the same night Jon broke up with you, he told you he had developed feelings for me. But then you told him you were pregnant, so he had to marry you. And what did I do after finding out this information? I didn’t laugh in your face as you’re laughing at me now”

— pg 284

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Favourite Character

All of the characters had energy and were really relatable. Cousin Ola annoyed me, but that annoyance was because I really believed in the character and that she was spreading bad energy.

Asides from the main character Yinka, I would say best friend Nana was my favourite character. I enjoyed her being in her own world and walking to her own beat. She was definitely 3D and I would like to see more characters like Nana having being main characters! Nana is an aspiring fashion designer , asexual and that that friend who stages interventions when enough is enough.

It Hit me When

Yinka blew up the whole spot and aired out her cousin Ola. Sometimes people want to poke the bear, and then they get upset when the bear bites. Word to Kelechi Okafor, “sometimes when people go low, go lower.” Limbo time! It gave me a Nollywood energy and that whole part had my full attention! Actually on full reflection the whole book gave me Nollywood vibes and my feedback above in That’s How You’re Feeling Yeah reflects that. I don’t watch Nollywood for the best quality sound or videography, but I know that I’ll get my dose of excitement and mix up!

Side note, I giggled when Yinka’s mum kept remixing her job role. She worked in a bank but wasn’t a banker! Mum’s really will hear what they want and run with the story. My mum kept telling her friend’s that I had completed a business degree… * I 100% did not * so then I kept having to have conversations with these peoples children about the subject and having to deflate them when I told them I had zero knowledge for them!

Length

394 pages including the acknowledgement. It was a good length because the story held a good pace and definitely didn’t feel dragged.

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

The Deep Book Review

GENRE: FANTASY | WRITTEN BY: RIVERS SOLOMON | RELEASED: 2019

Watch the Breakdown

Way down in the deep blue sea is where the Wajinru exist harmoniously. The Wajinru are the descendants of African slaves, who were thrown overboard by slave owners whilst pregnant. Whilst, the women died, their babies adapted and were born with fins.

Because of the Warinju’s traumatic past everything stretching back to the creation of their people, war, trauma and inbetween is forgotten by everyone expect for one. The book is focused on Yetu, a Warinju historian who has the sole role of holding all the ancestors memories.

On a yearly basis on rememberance day she is able to offload the memories throughout the community providing others with knowledge from the past. The issue is this knowledge is slowly killing Yetu, because as the years have progressed she has increasingly struggled to distinguish between her present and her ancestors memories. During this annual rememberance, Yetu flees her community for land, as the Warinju are synced up having received the memories she holds. With no memories or burden Yetu aims to discover the land for herself and comes into contact with the two legged people, one in particular she builds a bond with.

Whilst she’s discovering life above the sea, can her fellow Warinju cope with all the memories they’ve been exposed to?

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Is that how you’re feeling yeah

You know what, I really did enjoy the book. I really liked how a random conversation that I could have on any given day became a bigger thought and equalled a whole book. I’ve been saying Yooo, how much do we really know about what lies in the sea. Barely anything! I mean I’m not saying there really are Warinju people, but I like how the story came about.

The plot itself is not complicated, and it’s super effective. I visually jumbled together The Little Mermaid, the mer people in Pirates of the Caribbean and Avatar, melanated them up and then I could see the Warinju.

The thoughts and reflection this narrative drew up was really significant. This fantasy book, really highlighted for me the importance of being connected with your ancestry. And the strengths of memory and history, regardless of them being flattering or not. Also trauma. I talk about trauma quite often and I really connected with how this book explored trauma, and ways that people deal with theirs. Very strong and impactful. Not everyone wants to read a self help or mental health book and this book was able to go into the topic beautifully.

I also picked up on the elements of even though Yetu being described as a “she” there being fluid elements. For example the discussion of the Warinju people having both sexual organs.

My only annoyance was the confusion when a few chapters weren’t led by Yetu. They seemed out of the place and weren’t immediately clear, with several character names being brought in without a clear storyline. I came to understand them as random ancestral memories or events but I don’t think they complimented the flow of the story.

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“All of these things had made Yetu. It wasn’t at all pretty, but it was hers. It it was a choice between the History and emptiness, maybe Yetu wanted the History. She’d always complained that the rememberings erased her, that Yetu didn’t exist because the ancestors took up too much space inside her.”

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Favourite Character

Yetu was my favourite character. And she was also the main character. I didn’t have a strong connection to Yetu, but I appreciated her vulnerability.

It Hit me When

When I transferred a fictional fantasy book into real life. It kind of smacked me in the face as I thought about the dilemma. There’s a common phrase ‘ignorance is bliss’ right, and for near enough a whole year, these people live without any rememberance but most importantly any burden of the past.

I questioned what I would prefer. To be happy, but effectively empty, or to feel pain, suffering, and joy and grow resilient because of those memories.

Length

163 Pages long. The book isn’t big at all! The ending was super cute and although I didn’t feel the book/novella was long enough I appreciated the continuous flow throughout the story.

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

YOUTUBE

I have a whole book discussion about The Deep on my Youtube. Click HERE to watch it

The Lockdown Blues

I write this, honestly whilst still trying to gather my life, fragile mental health and whatever broken parts are lying around of myself together in some form. As I write this my Tulips residing in a vase in front of me are on their last legs. Petal by petal making their great escape, only to land on my desk, which represents my dreams of wanting to travel and flourish, and the reality that I’m not going anywhere.

Aside from that, I actually love watching petals and leaves fall down. There is something captivating about knowing that they will eventually hit the ground but watching them float in the meantime. Does it signal rebirth? Hmm, I mean I think I’m so far gone at this point that I’m trying to find some purpose for myself right about now anywhere. Do you find yourself doing that? Clutching on things to try and find some sort of meaning or sign.

Right, I’ve been M.I.A for a little while on my website. A combination of no internet, next to no motivation, and a growing fear of returning to something after feeling like I’d abandoned it. Guilt, I think that’s the right word.

Did I mention that I am also looking crusty? I had no lip balm at one point, so I was a hot mess. My night gown is now my everyday gown. When this shit is over, I’ve just deeped it, I’ll have to throw away this gown. It no longer represents a bougie Frizzy, who partied for her best friend’s birthday party in it. It’ll be renamed the Glo’ down Gown! I’m so sad! I would cry, but I’m actually fresh out of tears. I’ve cried so much, that I’m struggling to pinpoint what even set me off.

Anyway, I can’t report that I had a successful pre lockdown shop to LUSH cosmetics, or anywhere. The lockdown in the England snuck in with an evening address on TV by England’s Prime Minister, followed immediately with shops being closed from that same night.

I can say that I’ve rummaged my way through Netflix. Between finishing Homeland, The Crown and random Telenovelas I feel all Netflix’d out. What are you watching, and most importantly what do I need to be watching?

I’m writing to get myself out of my funk, and to let you know that if you are too feeling shitty, and further away from happy or indifferent at this time you are not alone. So right about now, we are going to own our lockdown blues. Then we’ll get around to climbing back up later.

Drop me a comment or email, if you’d like to talk. Because genuinely, you are not alone, and even though it feels like this will last forever. It will eventually pass.

No Technology One Day Challenge

As my brother would say I’m about to “draw you out.” I’m fed up of scrolling through my newsfeed, to read the latest on the Coronavirus. And I don’t care how “positive” Instagram can be I’m so over scrolling through my feed. If you’ve reached that point too, let’s try doing something different. I double dare you to join my no tech one day challenge.

I usually turn my phone of on the weekend for a breather from the outside, but let’s take it one step further and log off from our laptops and TV’s as well.

Wondering where to start? I’ve written some ideas down below that I use. Try out at least 3 of the things and comment how it went in the section below! Legoooooo!

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Have a fashion show!

Go through your wardrobe and mix and match outfits. If you’re anything like me you’ve got items in there that you haven’t worn for years. “Bring em out, bring ‘em out”

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Cook something from scratch

Locate one of your recipe books and cook a meal from scratch or bake something. If you don’t have a recipe book, google a recipe that you’ve been meaning to try, and write it down on a piece of paper

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Grab a book and read.

Sit yourself down somewhere comfortable and just get lost in the book. To mix it up, read out loud for 5 pages as well.

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Sing out loud.

I’m talking about them timeless tracks that you secretly sing in the shower. Step out of the shower and give it all you’ve got. Whitney Houston, Toni Braxton & Mariah Carey bangers are always a good shout! I remix between singing songs that I can remember, attempting to do their beats and then making up my own song words. It works.

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Go for a walk.

Don’t bring your phone, don’t play any music and just observe your surroundings. I’ve been doing it for the last 2 weeks and I feel like I’ve rediscovered the world.

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Make a vision board.

What would you like your life to look like moving forward? Write words, glue on pictures, or even draw images.

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Write a postcard to a friend.

No autocorrect, no touch typing. Just the good old school pen to paper. It actually feels weird at first. When I was younger me and my mum used to sit on either side of the door and write notes to each other pretending we were these random people. It’s one of my favourite childhood memories.

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Pause yourself & observe

Sit on the floor, legs crossed with your eyes closed. And just observe the thoughts that come and go in your mind. I’ll start off by taking myself to a ‘peaceful’ place, and then a song with the words peace in it will come into my mind. And then my favourite music artist’s image will come up, then I’ll start wondering what hairstyle she has… Then I start thinking of what I’m going to do with my hair next." …

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Create Uplifting Messages

Write affirmation post-it notes for yourself. Uplifting quotes and things you want to remind yourself. Leave them where you can easily access them. Good places are your headboard, on your fridge or in a jar by your bed!

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Imperfect Arrangements Book Review

Frances MensahWilliams

Released: 2020

Genre: Romance Fiction

*Gifted

Watch the Breakdown

In the sun-soaked capital of Ghana, three best friends struggle with the arrangements that define their relationships.

Ambitious Theresa has gambled everything to move with her husband Tyler from London to cosmpolitan Accra. But when shocking developments threaten their plans, they also expose the hidden cracks in her fairytale marriage.

Fesity Maku is desperate for professional recognition- and her dream wedding. But how long can she wait for her laid-back partner Nortey to stop dreaming up pointless projects and stand up to his family?

Churchgoing Lyla married Kwesi in haste. But while she battles her attraction to the mysterious Reuben, her husband has bitten off more than he can chew with his latest mistress.

Facing lies, betrayal, and shattered illusions, each couple must confront the truth of who they have become and the arrangements they have enabled. Against the backdrop of a shifting culture, each woman must decide what- and who- she is willing to sacrafice for the perfect marriage.

*Taken straight from the book blurb*

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“The ring was perfect (but not the suffering)”

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Is that how you’re feeling yeah

I came for the marriages and stayed for the sister-bond friendship. This book gave me the giggles, the hyped-up “don’t make me take my hoops off” vibes, the side-eye “sis you need to chill out” views, and so much more.

This book was on my shelf for months, and all now I’m asking myself why I let it sit there for that long, because from picking up the book to finishing it was a continuously smooth read. I wasn’t trying to put the book down to entertain anybody. I love a good passa-passa/ mix up and I got my perfect blend of cussins, drama and glow ups. (I don’t want it for my life, but I love it in a book, I really do)

When I first started reading the book it reminded me of The Returnees, which I’d read just before this one. They were similar in the sense that the children of the African diaspora had gone back to their motherlands in West Africa to pursue ventures. However, I quickly came to know that they were different. The characters in The Returnees were young adults in their twenties, whereas in this novel I felt 100% luxury aunty vibes!

I appreciated the richness and details about life in Accra, Ghana. Especially, when you’ve never been to the country of the location in any book, you want to feel like you’re there. I was in Accra for sure, complaining at times about the lack of air conditioning. I’m all the way here for the emerging books that show people leaving the places that many family members came to for a “better life” way back when. And I’ll say it with my chest, I like locations in Africa being put into novels as luxurious. The narrative is important!

When I realised that 6 characters were having their own chapters I thought it would be too much, but it didn’t make the story dry. And even though the book is about marriage, friendship is also a dominant theme throughout, so you hear more from the women.

The book really explored modern views of love and relationship status, particularly with the couple Theresa and Tyler, who moved from London and were adapting to Ghana. So, watching scenarios play out from different viewpoints was really juicy. Some of the clashes really made me pause and think about what went on. Marriage really seems stressful. Seriously, should there be 3 people in a marriage… you, me and your mum?

Full disclosure: I was rolling my eyes at the regular bar meetups that the men had, muttering “chale go home!”

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“‘You know who I am, don’t you? You know I’m Kwesi’s girlfriend?’
Lyla looked down at the hand gripping her and absently noted the long red fingernails. How obvious, she thought dismissively, I’d have hoped my husband would have gone for a bit more class. She shook off the hand and raised a cool eyebrow.”

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Favourite Character

The characters in the story were all very realistic and complex beings, a little too realistic, to the point that I started thinking of people I knew. Without a doubt though, Lyla was my favourite character. All the characters had their moments don’t get it twisted, but I was rooting for Lyla’s happiness and a happy ending for her. Even though this character was more in the background, I have to say I really liked Reuben. I can’t see anyone reading the book and not warming to Reuben.

Well, I can actually. The people that are cheaters and think they deserve hundreds of chances, but that’s not my business… unless you’re writing a book about it haha. Their whole situation reminded me of social media, and the burning question everyone has had for singer/songwriter Ciara ever since she married NFL player Russell Wilson. Everyone has been asking what the exact prayer was that Ciara recited when she asked for a man like Russel. Wow, now that I think about it Lyla’s husband really was the twin of rapper Future.

I’ll spill the tea if you’re not familiar… Ciara was engaged to Future, and they have a child together. I actually think his name is Future, as in named after his dad’s rap name. Yeah anyway… they split up after she accused him of cheating on her. She then released music with some shots fired at future, *inserts Ciara- I Bet.* Then she met Mr Russell Wilson and they are now married with 3 children. His reputation is squeaky clean, he’s handsome, and he’s always uplifting Ciara on the socials. Meanwhile Future is living way too much in the present with 6 children, by 6 women and ongoing child support cases.

It Hit me When

Hayyyy, it hit me when I realised that the side chick had overstepped her place to the point of no return. Sorry, but imagine your man… nope HUSBAND, having the nerve to cheat on you, and get his side chick pregnant. I’m not finished…. And then she turns up to your house to rub it in when you can’t get pregnant. HELLLL to the nooooo!

I also took away the reminder that marriage is not the finale. Marriage is the start of a life-long commitment. But I mean that sounds boring, so let’s focus on the side chick cheekiness.

Length

450 pages. Typing it now that sounds like a really long book, and when I initially picked it up I thought it was really thick, but is genuinely not boring. I finished the book over a weekend.

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

The Returnees

By Elizabeth Okoh

Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton

Released: 2020

Genre: Fiction

*Gifted

Watch the Breakdown

The Returnees follows 3 individuals returning to Nigeria for 3 completely different reasons. Osayuki’s heartbreak in England drives her to relocate and take her career to the next level. In Lagos For Kian it’s the urge for motherland success in the Afrobeats genre, and his cousin’s highly exaggerated stories of his connections and the line-up of opportunities waiting for Kian. And Cynthia lands in Nigeria when the famous African parents favourite threat is actually carried out. She was sent back for a year to join the National Youth Service, as her father thought she was too sheltered and lazy.

The book opens with the end of the story, which is set in Osayuki’s house in Nigeria. She’s just given birth and family and friends are arriving for her baby’s naming ceremony. During the process of getting ready Osayuki watches TV, which is covering a news story of a British-Nigerian who has been found dead on the side of a road. The news triggers Osayuki, who can’t seem to enjoy her day with family and friends. The sauce spills, when she confesses to her good friend Cynthia, that she’s not sure if her husband is her child’s father of not. And just like that, the story rewinds all the way back to the beginning, which journeys through how each of the 3 characters were led to Nigeria.

The Returnees gives you an insight into Lagos and Abuja from various viewpoints, of those who have decided to return back to the motherland after living in England. A strong emphasis is put on the friendship of the female characters Osayuki and Cynthia, who are redefining what home is, and trying to find their footing as they jump between their clashing London and Lagos ways.

5 Words To Describe The Book

Dreams, adjustment, love, finnesse and assumptions.

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Is that how you’re feeling yeah

This book was the perfect August read. I took it away with me on holiday and it just fit perfectly with the ‘suns out, funs out’ narrative I was riding on. It’s not my usual read. Or let me rephrase, it’s a lot lighter than the other books I’ve read recently. The book featured romance and new beginnings, which is what I like to read whilst on the beach.

I liked there being a different chapter for each character. They all came from a first-person narrative. However, I felt that Kian's chapters were the weakest. They were surface level and basic filler. Small talk dragged out for too long. Things would come up that I’d be interested in knowing more about, but it would be glazed over and then on to the next. The one thing I took away from his chapter was room for reflection. I didn’t care for Kian as a character but it made me think about the pressure people must feel to appear successful, keeping up pretences in the name of dignity.

Having Nigerian heritage and *peeps out* having never visited Nigeria before I especially loved being able to visualise the cities of Lagos and Abuja. The details of nightlife, Victoria Island, and the markets I really soaked up. I’ve come across a few people who have returned to Nigeria and are really winning out there so the book’s plot was timely and 100% filled a gap. It’s not hard to hear stories about people coming to England for better opportunities, but I’m proper happy that I’m being exposed to a rising number of stories of people from the African diaspora going back to their motherlands to live their best life. I’m all the way here for it.

Situations like Osayuki being quoted crazy high prices when wanting her hair done, because they could tell she wasn’t raised in Nigeria made me laugh, that would be me, hella stressed out. In Nigeria, they refer to those people as JJC (Johnny Just Come)

Ouuu, and the ending. It did sweet me. I genuinely didn’t expect that!

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“She looked at my hair and then at me, from my head to my toes, and then offered a price. I almost doubled over but composed myself. If these women think I’m a JJC, then they’re mistaken. ”

— Osayuki (pg 118)

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Favourite Character

Cynthia was my favourite character. Her journey of feeling lost career-wise and then settling into a new environment made me build a real connection with her. I’m pretty sure if my dad had the opportunity to do so, I would have been sent to Nigeria to do the youth service too.

It Hit me When

When I started writing this review. Nigeria needs us to raise our voices right now! There are various #endsars protests around the world currently taking place documenting police brutality throughout Nigeria. The Special Anti-Robbery Squad has been around for more than 20 years. SARS incidents have included numerous human rights violations, Nigerian civilians being killed, money being demanded from them, civilians being tortured and more. Young Nigerians wanting change and a better life are being exploited by a system that should nourish and protect them. You find out during the book that a man’s body is found dead and it makes me think of those who have lost their lives because of SARS. Most recently the Lekki Gate massacre on 20th October 2020. Peaceful protests were taking place when the army ran up on protestors firing rounds. It was an execution where several people were killed and many injured, just for wanting a better life.

You can’t read this book in 2020 without acknowledging SARS.

Length

288 pages

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

Will you be adding The Returnees to your To Be Read list?

Hotel: Spa Corner Residence

As soon as I entered the hotel, I felt zen. And I'm usually full of energy, so that says a lot. Upon arrival, my friend and I were escorted to a relaxing room by the entrance, which had the most calming aroma. We were given cold flannels, sweet potato crisps, and fresh juice. I requested refills of the sweet potato crisps about three times. Sometimes pictures look good from afar but in reality are far from good; however, I definitely won when booking this boutique hotel.

I want to say it was the earthy colour tones in the bedrooms, and spa that created the zen environment, but it was more than that. It was a feeling, that I’d like to bottle up and spray around my house. The aroma and the music made me want to nap. And who doesn't love a good nap? The ambience was just perfect.

All the feels

The staff were really friendly and went out of their way to make our stay in Siem Reap unforgettable. They pointed us in the right direction for food places, dropped us off at venues in the area, and even doubled as tour operators, taking us to Angkor Wat.

My three favorite things about Spa Corner Residence were the rooftop space—it was perfect for practicing yoga at sunset and sunrise—the chill space in the bedrooms, filled with cushions, and the swimming pool swing (more for pictures than purpose!).

Spa

The long-term aim is for this hotel to turn into a day spa, which kills my dream of booking a one-way ticket to Cambodia and living in this hotel. But the energy was so relaxed and spa-esque that the idea didn't shock me. I sampled the spa treatments and received a complimentary 60-minute full-body Khmer massage. Never underestimate a petite masseuse—Thai massages no longer hold the title for firmness. The spa rooms were decorated with earthy, red, and gold tones. I couldn't walk through the hallway to the treatment rooms without taking pictures. I felt like I was in a Herbal Essence commercial.

Wrap up

One thing I didn't see coming and needs a warning, is the swimming pool's depth changing swiftly. I nearly drowned while attempting a photoshoot! But when I say this hotel is a vibe, I don't say it halfheartedly. If I could have extended my stay, I would have without hesitation. I loved my stay at the Spa Corner Residence and my whole time in Siem Reap. If Siem Reap is on your list of places to visit you need to read this post.

What Self Care Means To Me

I often talk about laying in my dressing gown with a fresh face mask, doing my Self Care Saturdays or Sundays. At this point of Corona season, it’s becoming a rotation of several days during the week also, but self care is certainly not limited to face masks. Self care is about taking deliberate and active steps to put yourself at the front and centre making sure that you are meeting your needs and uplifting your wellbeing. Most importantly self care is about taking the time to love and prioritise yourself.

Things like taking time out and turning off your phone for 24 hours, taking 15 minutes to slowly moisturise your body with coconut oil, and dancing in front of the mirror to your favourite album are all acts of self care. Pinpointing things that you enjoy and making time for them regularly in your schedule are acts of self care.

Relaxation is often the type of self care I’ve always found beneficial and in all honesty easier. Quick and straight forward feel good activities have always boosted me up. Now I really try to put more of an emphasis into a mental capacity, focusing on mindfulness and reflection. I still love relaxation but I’m also exploring different elements of self care. Recently I’ve been sitting down with flipchart paper and writing out things like my boundaries in relationships. I also make time to check in with myself and explore how I’m feeling in my current state and one of the biggest acts of self care I’ve found is giving myself cry time. Have you ever brushed off your emotions because you’ve got a lot to do and find yourself just functioning like a robot? When I get there consistently it’s cry time. I wish I’d learned sooner that crying is such a good relief. I’m definitely an ugly crier. But, once I’m finished I feel so rejuvenated. And if I don’t I take a swift nap.

What do you do as self care? And do you exercise self care enough?

Why I Don't Review White Authors

I didn’t even think this would need to become a post but I’m asked this question quite regularly and I’ve got time today. I’ll get real Frizzy, with some Toni Morrison, on you and break down some things.

1. In the UK publishing industry, 11% of people identify with being BAME (Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic). The UK population is 14%

2. The main publishers are based in London, a city with a BAME population of 40%. Do the maths with the point above and it doesn’t make sense.

3. In 2019, when Bernardine Evaristo and Margaret Atwood jointly won the Man Booker Prize, on at least one occasion, in ‘reputable’ media outlets covering the story Margaret was referred to by name and Bernardine called ‘the other author’.
   

People waited until 2020, when they saw George Floyd, a Black man, getting killed in a video by a white officer to start grabbing books about racism by authors of colour, but predominantly Black authors. I’m not aiming to be a ‘pessimistic Patricia’ but excuse me for thinking it’s absolutely wild to not have noticed these authors until then!

I don’t even like the term POC (People Of Colour), but authors of colour have been writing for years. Some about racism and their personal experiences, but many also just writing litty books across a variety of genres that have zero focus on their race. Those are the books that don’t get the biggest promo and push. It often appears that if people of colour aren’t writing about racial injustices their literary voices aren’t important. I’ve heard people talk about authors of colour as “the Asian/Arab/Black version of inserts *white authors name*. Put some respect on their names. Reel off 5 authors from the top of your mind… It’s not for my benefit, I just want you to think about the authors you have been exposed to.

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“This might be the most important sentence yet but… I don’t review white authors because whiteness is not my norm.”

— Frizzy

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In 1998 Toni Morrison made the sweetest point when asked in an interview when she was going to ‘substantially’ write about white characters. I’ve never come across an interview where a white author has had to defend their character and setting choices. It seemed that the interviewer, a white woman, was so surprised that a Black woman had found success in her lane. It’s not about playing devil’s advocate, it’s just so cheeky and comes from a high mountain of privilege. Check yo’ self, before yo’ wreck yourself!

If there ever was that question to direct at someone I’d like American author, Kathryn Stockett, to answer it. She’s the author of the popular novel The Help. The book is based in 1960s Mississippi and focuses on African Americans working in white households. Full disclosure I actually enjoyed the book, but I definitely felt funny when I found out after reading the book that she was a white author. I then found out she was sued by her brother’s nanny because the nanny felt that her likeliness was used in the book with things matching her in many details. The nanny was left feeling humiliated by the book. The main character’s name was near enough the same as the nanny’s.

Bringing things back to 2020, during England’s first lockdown I interviewed newly published author, Afshan D’Souza-Lodhi. She’s an award-winning poet and playwright of South Asian heritage. We discussed her debut poetry collection and she explained the micro-aggressions and flat out aggressions she faced when trying to get her collection published. A lot of it stemmed down to the issue that because of the lack of diversity across publishing she had to fight and defend cultural elements in her collection. Things like her decision to leave uppercase letters out of her title cover whilst paying homage to her Urdu language was a battle. She was then asked to produce a bibliography so people could understand the meaning of certain words. It jumps straight to the assumption that South Asian people couldn’t have been her given target market. Playing into the stereotype that people of colour are not readers and do not provide readerships.

I, like the majority of people in places like England, have read predominantly white authors for 20 plus years. This isn’t just leisure, it also includes pretty much all my academic education. No one asked me during those years why I read so many white authors. It was only when I stumbled across a few books by Dorothy Koomson, seeing Black girls on the cover and reading about characters with undisputed brown skin that I woke up, no pun intended, to a world of colour.

Curiosity got the better of me, so last year I did review a white author, Robin Diangelo. I couldn’t resist the title White Fragility. I also thought it could potentially be relevant for my readers, spilling some tea on conversations/thoughts that were otherwise not accessible.

This might be the most important sentence yet but… I don’t review white authors because whiteness is not my norm. At first, I consciously sought out Black authors, now it’s second nature. And I do my research when grabbing books from other authors of colour. In the western world that institutionally doesn’t support the thriving and excellence of Black people, I will pay my coins and cheerlead major time. The statistics show you, that right about now these diversity schemes and initiatives have made minimal changes so I do my effort to champion authors of colour. And I make no apology for it!

Trichotillomania

Hair is forever talked about in the Black community. You can literally tell someone you like their hairstyle, and you’ll be in a long ass discussion about what Instagram page they took inspiration from, how long they intend to keep that style for and a whole leap more. You probably won’t get told where they got their hair done though. Those answers are secretive. I know people that will not share their hairstylist with their sister… Its gets like that

One phrase that always comes up is “good hair,” so I’m often met with confusion when I talk about my decision to keep my hair short. I’ve written about my experience for Black Ballad, a black-owned news platform giving centre stage to Black women, read the article for more details.

Good hair is a term that I don’t like. It gives the notion that certain hair is better than others and I’ve seen the insecurity it causes people. Google good hair and you’ll immediately see images of people with straight to wavy long hair. There’s no such thing as good hair. There are good hair care routines, and there is also good self-love. But good hair is mythical. It’s generally used to describe hair with loose curl patterns.

But I want to focus on Trichotillomania specifically. This isn’t going into alopecia and loss of edges due to wig wear etc but the act of pulling compulsively at your hair to gain a release. This can be your scalp, eyebrows, eyelids, underarms and any other body part. It’s like an urge that you have to fulfil to release stress.

I’ve had this issue for a few years now and honestly couldn’t explain it to others, especially to those that seemed more into my hair then I was. I definitely think that cultural elements and the way afro hair is critiqued so closely, were factors influencing why I found it hard to explain this issue to others.

It’s not something I was doing very often at first but when I was pulling at my hair, generally the front of my hair, I was gradually ripping chunks out. About 2 weeks ago, after getting back from holiday and feeling overwhelmed I pulled my hair constantly for 2 days. It got to the point that I had a banging headache and my scalp was bright pink but even then I kept grabbing at my hair. After 2 days I finally woke up one morning, grabbed hair clippers and shaved off all my hair. It seems extreme but I knew that I wouldn’t stop pulling, I literally couldn’t stop. I’ve even found myself when stressed out in the past 10 days running my hands over my head trying to find long enough hair strands to pull. Newsflash… there are none.

If anyone has suffered from trichotillomania or has any tips/tricks please share them in the comments section below. In the meantime, I’m testing out some methods and will share a new post when I’ve figured out some positive coping mechanisms.

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I’m sharing my experience with trichotillomania for a few reasons:

1: I could help someone else on their journey. Maybe they’ve been doing this and hadn’t even noticed.

2: I’m beyond tired of being told that I have “good hair” so should grow it back. Awareness can help people avoid these unnessecary encounters,

3: Mental Health issues do not discriminate yet for the most part when I read/hear about Mental Health issues it’s not by someone in my demographic.

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What Is It Like Travelling During COVID-19

You’ve been stuck in your home country all year potentially at this point, and/or your strong stance of not going on holiday until Corona season is over is slowly melting away. Am I right?

I decided to take a walk back into the wild side and resume my catching flights and feelings behaviour last month, August 2020. I don’t want to inflate myself but I think I could be called a COVID travelling expert. I travelled around South-East Asia all February and returned to England, just when they were slowly realising that the Coronavirus was going to be a real issue. Imagine me strolling into Heathrow airport February/March 2020 to zero safety procedures put in place by England… no temperature check, COVID test… honestly nadaa.

The thing is throughout my travels in Asia, before I was even allowed to join the queue to receive a boarding pass temperature checks were done, and masks were compulsory in all airports. Every plane I got off, be it a domestic flight or international, there were people waiting with thermometers. They were seriously not playing. A major contrast to England.

Ok fast forward to August 2020, and I pulled up to Heathrow airport again to catch my flight. England’s 2M rule was clearly ignored when people and their suitcases were running past me on the escalators. But the airport seemed a lot more prepared. Before I even entered the airport there were staff checking that people had a mask on and there were cleaning stations just outside the departure entrance. The cleaning stations featured hand sanitiser, antibacterial wipes to wipe down luggage handles, and fresh masks.

Departure lounges and boarding gates had signed some seats as unavailable to space out passengers. And there were sign markings all over the floor reminding people to maintain their distance and everyone followed these until boarding happened.

I’m a ranter I know but… getting on an aeroplane isn’t like boarding a bus. Yooo, you’ve already paid for your seat, you are actually guaranteed your spot so why are people rushing and breathing near me? The airline I flew with, Alitalia who I recommend big time, called people to queue in batches of seat numbers but social distancing vanished at that point. If stupidity like this stressed you out, I recommend boarding the plane last.

On the plane, all of the middle seats had been blanked out, which I loved. However, the usual trolley and food opportunities on the planes no longer happened. It felt really weird. I basically had minimal interaction with the air stewards, and my throat felt dry. I’m talking in regards to short-haul flights, 3 hours and below.

I will say though if you fly business class like moi. *This was my first time, but boy I’m addicted* On my way back from my getaway I flew business class and I was given a real hearty breakfast. To the point that I couldn’t finish it all. And business class came with its own lounge. The lounge had a bar, food and real comfy classy chairs. I definitely felt more special… and COVID safer when I entered the business level.

Before you re-enter England there is a form that you are expected to fill in. The form states where you’ve visited, quarantine period etc. The queue to come back to England was long and had a backlog of people who didn’t realise they had to fill in the form and were trying to multitask whilst making the queue longer. That, I would say was the only inconvenience I faced. And this imaginary form, really hadn’t been well advertised!

In a nutshell, travelling during COVID is do-able. Considering, I went away in August, during the summer holidays which is usually busy travel period, Heathrow airport was pretty much like a ghost town. My thing is from when you leave your house you are at risk from catching Corona. Wear the mask, don’t rub your face, regularly wash your hands and be conscious not to be squished up next to people. Things like if the transfer bus looks full, waiting for the next one.

Will you be travelling this year?

An American Marriage

By Tayari Jones

Publisher: Oneworld Publications

Released: 2018

Genre: Domestic Fiction

If you want to watch a video review of this book instead click here. I tried a thing… Let me know if you want more of these.

Watch the Breakdown

Roy and Celestial are just out of the honeymoon period. They’ve been married for about 18 months and live together in Atlanta. Roy is new money and on the come up as an executive, whereas Celestial, an artist, is already accustomed to the lifestyle. One weekend the two drive down to Roy’s hometown of Eloe, Louisiana to visit Roy’s parents. The visit always causes tension between the two as Celestial is sure that Roy’s mum doesn’t like her. Mums, is anyone good enough for their boys? Insisting on keeping the peace Roy books a hotel for him and his wife to stay in. As you can imagine Roy’s mum isn’t impressed, but he wants to get the perfect balance.

During a heated argument between Roy and Celestial in their hotel room, Roy shouts a safeword - their first date, and they take a 15 minute break. Roy heads out to fill their ice bucket and bumps into a woman who needs assistance. He helps her out to her room and returns to his wife. That simple gesture costs him his freedom as in the middle of the night the police boot down him and his wife’s hotel room and he is arrested for rape. Except he couldn’t have done it as he was with Celestial during the alleged timeframe.

Denied bail, it’s just the beginning of what turns into a conviction and a 12 year sentence issued to Roy after the law determines that he is guilty.
Suddenly their roles change and heartbreak takes different forms. Celestial has to battle through trying to further her career without the man who has been her rock and has believed in her the most, as well as supporting her husband through his grief. Their marriage becomes prison visits, letter writing and voucher top ups. The one person she has to support her through this time is her best friend Andre who she leans on, they are childhood friends. 2 years into Roy’s sentence Celestial decides this is no longer a marriage. She can be a friend, but she’s had longer away from her husband than with her husband at this point.

5 years into Roy’s sentence, his lawyer gets the conviction overturned and Roy is released from prison. He wants his old life back. And at the very least his wife, who hasn’t divorced him. How true are the vows “for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part” in a situation like this?

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“It isn’t it is a fiction book but, that is what hit me. You only have to look at the stories of the Exonerated 5/ Central Park 5, who were wrongly convicted of attempted murder, rape, assault and robbery and served 6+ years each before getting their sentences overturned to know it’s not fictional to everyone.”

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Is that how you’re feeling yeah

This is one of those books that you’ll easily ignore on the bookshelf. Between the title and the cover it doesn’t stand out and it didn’t gas me up at all. They both came across too simple. But… if you overlook this book you will be missing out majorly. I have my Instagram book community to thank for putting me on to this title. It kept coming up on my timeline so I decided 2 years later to pick it up. I devoured this book within a day. Once you pick up this book, putting it down is a struggle. You want to keep reading, you feel like you must keep going. And just when you think you’re on track with the story, something happens that stresses you out all over again.

On a surface level, An American Marriage’s plot is nothing out of the ordinary, saying that I could just be desensitized to the narrative of families being torn about when black men, in particular, get sent to prison on elongated sentences, pleading their innocence. But when you dig down, it is really deep. The way that the author Tayari carries the story is something really special though. She covered issues with race and the legal system in such an inclusive way. African American’s make up 33% of the prison population, meanwhile only 12% of the United States population. That don’t make sense! Whilst people will have different views on the why to those statistics, I’m going to swerve because I could write a whole post about that sentence alone…

An American Marriage is the sort of the book that I think everyone who reads will be able to relate to on some level. More then, anyone, it makes you really think about what marriage means to you.

At some parts, I was shouting and cussin at the book because I was so enraged and moved and I don’t see myself being the exception in this case. Very much the rule. Exploring the ripple effect of a conviction on the lives of those closest to the person convicted created really intimate moments and unforgettable insight.

I appreciated the book covering the ongoing story, chapter to chapter first hand from the perspectives of three characters: Roy who gets convicted of a crime. Celestial, Roy’s wife. And Andre, Celestial’s childhood friend and Roy’s University homeboy. If it had just been from one perspective it wouldn’t have made the impact it did on me. One perspective would have just created sympathy. The three took it to a different level, and really drove home that despite the love and good intentions time really does not wait for anyone.

Empowering is definitely not a word I would use to describe the book. Reflective would be the best word, afterall A man has had years of his life taken from him, and is dealt with blows on blow when he comes out on the other side. He’s come out of prison a broken man.

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“Ours was a love story, the kind that’s not supposed to happen to black girls anymore. This was vintage romance made scarce after Dr. King, along with Negro-owned dress shops, drugstores, and cafeterias.”

— Celestial

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Favourite Character

I didn’t have a definite favourite character. As the story played out there were times that I sided with a character’s views or actions, and then there were instances that I side eyed them and then had to pause the book and question how I would respond being in the situation. I will say though that I respected Roy Senior the most. He wasn’t a core character but his heart and values were in the right place, and boy did he love his wife. Grab the tissues… it made me reflect on how I think love like that doesn’t exist anymore. The man refused to let the funeral people fill his wife’s grave. After the funeral he shovelled it all himself, he felt it was his duty as a husband. You know them people who don’t speak too much, but when they do their presence is strong. That is Roy Senior.

Although, I didn’t have a favourite character I had a character that I proper disliked. Andre- I couldn’t take to him at all, and felt from the beginning he had the potential to be an opportunist. In my notes I’ve written “Andre: Nasty. Sneaky as fuck”

It Hit me When

Whilst I was at my cousin’s house shouting at the book, she asked me if the book was non-fiction. And it isn’t it is a fiction book but, that is what hit me. You only have to look at the stories of the Exonerated 5/ Central Park 5, who were wrongly convicted of attempted murder, rape, assault and robbery and served 6+ years each before getting their sentences overturned to know it’s not fictional to everyone. The film on Netflix, When You See Us on is based on the Central Park 5. I’m currently watching a Netflix series looking at the World’s toughest prisons and the host, Raphael Rowe, was sentenced to life with no parole after getting convicted in the UK of murder and robbery. After 12 years his conviction was overturned. WILDDDDD!

Length

310 pages and wait for it…. It includes 15 book club questions. The questions featured are really thought provoking. For example: “You may have noticed that Tayari Jones does not specify the race of the woman who accuses Roy of rape. How did you picture this woman?”

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

my burning question

My scotch bonnet burning question would be to Celestial. What does marriage mean to you? I’ve read the book, and I soaked up her perspective and journey but I still struggle to truly knoe what marriage means to her. I mean this is a woman who knew that her husband didn’t commit the crime, so she wasn’t fighting the internal question of could he be guilty?

My First Audiobook Experience

I finally did it. I completed my first audiobook. Considering I’m an audio addict and book lover you’d think that I would have jumped on the audiobook trend years ago. But I’m so old school, I’ve always appreciated picking up a book, holding it and turning the pages.

I’m still undecided if I’m going to make audiobooks a regular thing. I have so many questions… I mean are great audiobook experiences genre specific? What genres are audiobook gold? And what audiobooks should I abort the mission on?

My first time had to be special, so I listened to a novel by Toni Morrison. Toni Morrison was an American novelist, book editor and University professor. She was also the first Black woman to win the Nobel Prize for Literature. Cue in her novel… Beloved. The book was narrated by her, which I thought was extra special because she’s no longer alive. That’s the beauty of audio, it’s timeless. Anyway, go hard or go home, so I needed to start strong with a literary legend. I can feel the magic in listening to an audiobook written by an author. They know the story, they know what parts to emphasize. Where you need to pause and take a breather. And I felt that with Toni’s narration. Plus her voice and tone matched the book really setting the tone.

10 +hours of the audio seemed like a big commitment though and still does. Even though it probably takes the same amount of time to read a book I definitely felt more aware of the time. I like to read at my own pace, and I’m generally a fast reader, so audiobooks take away that freedom from me. Also, I noticed my mind drifting to other thoughts as I was listening to the book. “What is for dinner?” “I know people with the name of the people mentioned in the book.” With a physical book, my mind is so focused on reading and mentally I’m in the book.

With audio, I flip in and out of concentration after 30 minutes, whereas I can read for hours. For example, I’m writing this post now and listening to an RnB playlist. I can hear the music in the background. But only when I pause typing does the music come to the front of my mind and I start singing the lyrics.

I enjoyed Toni Morrison’s Beloved but I don’t recommend it as the best book to start your audiobook experience with. The plot is supposed to set you into a sense of confusion, and it took me a while to settle into what was going on. I’d recommend something lighter like Michelle Obama’s Becoming. Hearing her narrate is surely only a bonus as her memoir book is a fully seasoned read. You can find my full review here of Becoming as a warm up.

Are you an audiobook fan? Should I give audiobooks another try?

Thailand: A Day Trip To LopBuri From Bangkok

If you’re staying in Bangkok and want to escape the smug and have a day adventure this one here is definitely for you. This is a ‘cheap and cheerful’ day trip to help you see a bit more of Thailand than you planned for.

Ayutthaya

Ayutthaya is a major historical city. Back in the day, about 300 years ago, it was the largest city in the world. I can’t say I knew anything about it before I jumped on the train. Present-day, all that is left are loads of temple ruins plotted around the city, 9 to be exact. They are viewed as sacred locations in Thailand. Generally each of the places charges around 50baht (£0.70) to enter. If you are into ruins Ayutthaya is going to be your dream location. Me, I’m a child, once monkeys were on the cards I wasn’t interested in anything else. But I visited one of the main places, Wat Mahathat. The iconic location showcases a buddah’s head entwined within the roots of a banyan tree. You can’t go next to the tree and you have to sit on a plank of wood to view it, standing is not allowed.

I recommend hiring a tuk-tuk driver from outside the train station to accompany you on your tour. If not you are going to be walking far. Maybe walking is your thing, but it’s not for me! All prices in Thailand are negotiable, so play the game.

Lopburi

One of the highlights of my trip to Thailand was going to play with monkeys. I still can’t believe that this spot is mad underrated and pretty much tourist-free. The monkeys are so lively and basically run Lopburi. I’m talking about monkeys walking across the roads stopping traffic, rummaging through rubbish bins and chilling in packs on the street.

I paid 50 baht (£1.25) as an entrance fee to the monkey temple where the majority of the monkeys in Lopburi are. In the middle of what looks like a gated field, there are the ruins of a temple. The temple itself the monkeys cannot enter, so they hover on the grass and on the outside parts of the temple. I spent the longest amount of time there with the monkeys. Initially, I was shooketh. No shock there. After a while, though I warmed up to the monkeys and definitely felt like I was destined to be a character in the Jungle Book.

You get given sticks on entry to deter the monkeys from moving mad… You’re supposed to slap the ground with the stick, not the monkeys. Anyway, the monkeys think it’s all a big game and swing from the sticks.

I had the little homeboy that I named Charles, he massaged my head and now and again grabbed my boob. Cheeky but resourceful. Oh and he also stole one of my earrings and bit off baubles from my flip flops… but we move.

There’s no rule against filming the monkeys but you’re going into their territory and monkeys will be monkeys. I saw a tourist put his camera on the ground to get footage of them. Bear in mind that the monkeys are curious but also big thieves so when they came closer to his camera the guy attempted to boot them, leg up and full force ready to rain down on the monkeys. Don’t be that guy, honestly, I wanted to boot him!

Transport

I was staying in Bangkok and went to Lopburi via train, it’s a 3-hour journey. I went from Bangkok to Ayutthaya, which took about 90 minutes and then went to see some of the historical ruins. Then I jumped on the train from Ayutthaya to Lopburi which was a 60-minute journey. It really broke down the day.

Ticket wise you want class 3 unless you’re good with paying hundreds of bahts for your tickets. My tickets worked out being 28 Thai baht (£0.70) each way. The train ride is a trip itself with various food vendors roaming the carriages selling things.

Tips… Major Keys

Wear clothing that covers your arms and legs. The monkeys are fast and will crawl upon you and they have nails. Also, the temples in Ayutthaya have clothing rules too so if you’re covered you’re good for both places.

Don’t wear flip-flops. I made that error and ended up with rusty wiring in my foot. I was bleeding and in pain, luckily the temple staff were really helpful and sorted me out. Regardless the monkeys didn’t give me a timeout and treated me like a climbing frame whilst I freaked out.

Keep your belongings zipped up or with the temple staff. No joke, my friend’s train ticket got snatched from his bag by a monkey. They are A-class pickpockets!

Only the young monkeys will entertain you unless you have food! I ended up in a situation with a big ass monkey on my head. I didn’t even have enough time for fear to sink in hahaha

The train connecting Lopburi and Bangkok doesn’t come often, every few hours to be more realistic, so make sure you plan in advance.

A Frizzy Experience… Phnom Penh

First Impressions

I reached Phnom Penh with a sour taste. I entered Cambodia from Vietnam and for the first time in my life crossed into a country via coach or foot. I was nervous about the crossing because I’d read online about others experiences and it seemed touch and go. Plain and simply I was conned by the Cambodian Chief of immigration. He made me pay for a visa on my British passport even though I had a valid passport that allowed me visa-free access to Cambodia. He refused to recognise it. Now $30 doesn’t seem like much, but he vexed me. However, by the time I’d pulled up to my hotel my good vibes energy had returned. And the energy in my hotel was on point.

Money

Dollars are the main currency used in Cambodia. They also have Cambodian Riel, which I made sure to get during a transaction for souvenir purposes as the currency is really weak and using dollars works out better for you.

What I Did In Phnom Penh

S21 and the Killing Fields

The Khmer Rouge regime is a large part of Cambodia’s recent history so I visited the Killing Fields and S21 as a day trip. They are on different sides of the city and the journey itself takes up a lot of time. One of the most intense and heavy days of my trip but also one of the most educational.

The Killing Fields is one of many sites in Cambodia where more than 1million Cambodians were killed and buried. Many had been in prison camps and lured to the fields under the impression that they were being transported elsewhere. You have to step on set paths because the site still has bones and fragments. In the middle of the Field, there is a memorial building, filled with skulls pulled from the site.

S21 or Tuel Sleng Genocide Museum is silently frightening. Originally a primary school during the Khmer Rouge era was converted into a Security prison. The original equipment has been left on display to showcase the horrors that the prisoners went through. Metal beds, and barbed wire placed around the entrance of the building. Prisoners were tortured and forced to confess to crimes that for the most part were made up.

Both places charge an entrance fee and then you have the option to pay for an audio player that talks you through the experience. Don’t move tight, I can’t recommend them enough. One, the information is so thorough. And two, it allows you to take things in and process your thoughts and feelings at your own pace.

Markets

Phnom Penh doesn’t play around when it comes to markets. The night ones I visited, in my opinion, are much better than the day ones. More lively, with live music and large food stalls. If you want to avoid tourists and experience a local market then Orussey Market is a good shout. If you want to be in with the mix up then visit the Central market. I got lost in there.

Riverfront park

Firstly, I’d say the park is a real stretch! But along the river, there are wide paths that allow you to walk or jog with the view of the river. It also curved around so you can see bars and restaurants. I went there at night time, and it was a good unwind. You can also venture into the river on a boat and have dinner. My hotel hooked me up with the river cruise.

Aeon Mall

The Aeon Mall is a large shopping centre, mostly involving food. I spent about an hour hovering around a sweet store called Sticky. They make hard candy in their store and you can watch the process. Plus you can taste the goods. I bought some rock candy back with me. Visiting shopping centres in each city throughout South East Asia became a requirement on my South East Asian trip. (Not my idea, but I can’t lie I grew to love it)

Royal palace

The Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda is something worthwhile seeing in Phnom Penh. Firstly, the grounds are so beautiful. Come on a King lives there so you’d expect 10-10 presence but the landscape is so impressive. The greenery and flowers are a whole vibe. The King lives in the grounds so tourists are restricted to certain zones. But the architecture is fire.

Food

The food in Phnom Penh was hmm… iffy. I’m not knocking the flavours of the food that I ate, but some of the setups were questionable. For example, when abroad I usually get meals from locals on stalls but I wouldn’t suggest doing it with meals in Phnom Penh. Cleanliness didn’t seem like a priority out there. Rubbish bins hanging around by the food stalls all across the floor, fly and rodent central.

There are plenty of other options, but I always take pride in eating from stalls and I just couldn’t do it in this city. I’m a risky gal, but my belly said: “hold up... tek time.” Night market food gave me the closest thing to the stalls. How it works is you pick up from the line up what you want and put into a basket. Each item is $0.50, and it is then cooked for you.

Joke O’clock… One evening, my friend bought some Cambodian jelly looking sweets from the shopping mall. I tried them and my mouth was stressed. Moral of this story, don’t fast yourself to eat snacks you didn’t buy!

Food Recommendations

Amok fish curry: A creamy curry with coconut milk as a base which is seasoned with turmeric, lemongrass and other ground spices. You can have it with chicken but it’s just not the same.

Khmer Curry: A chicken curry stew with carrots and potatoes inside.

Deep-fried prawns in batter

Small-Small Tips

• If you are crossing the border into Cambodia get your visa in advance. Hassle-free.

• Wear suitable clothing when visiting the Royal Palace. Arms covered to your elbows and legs to your knees. A shawl/scarf/poncho isn’t accepted. I tried and was sent to buy one of their T-shirts.

• Check with different providers how long they give you in the S21 and Killing Fields. Mine was on a strict time limit and rushed the day.

• Be mindful of your interactions whilst on your phone. There are lots of motorbikes and people are fast with swiping.

• The hotels don’t generally deal in GDP/ £’s mine tried to exchange £1 for $1 which is incorrect so bring your dollar-dollar bills with you into the country

• Ordering tuk-tuk drivers from your hotel isn’t a big difference in cost from securing it yourself so don’t break a sweat trying to save dollars!

Wrap Up

Phnom Penh is a city that I don’t regret visiting. Will I ever visit again… unlikely! But I really wanted to learn about the genocide that took place during the Khmer Rouge era and I did that. The places that I went to were very thorough. I’m clearly drawn to historical knowledge and drama! Phnom Penh gave me culture and history, but an ingredient in the sauce was missing.

One side note: I managed to take some beautiful flower photography throughout Phnom Penh. When I was at S21 and it all felt very heavy, a flower fell right beside me and it distracted me. For a solid 5 minutes, I just stared at the petals.

A Frizzy Experience… Siem Reap

First Impressions

The first thing I noticed after a 6-hour coach ride into Siem Reap was how dusty Siem Reap was. I have never reached for a bandana so quick in my life.

Money

Dollars are the main currency used in Cambodia. They also have Cambodian Riel, which I made sure to get during a transaction for souvenir purposes as the currency is really weak and using dollars works out better for you.

What I Did In Siem Reap

• Partied at the Cambo Beach Club. A man-made beach in Siem Reap, that serves food and drink and is a really chilled location. I fast myself there because on their website they said it was Afrobeats day. I was extremely excited but the joke was on me because, I got there and all I heard was some dance-ish, techno music. I wanted to cry. A couple of sweet words later, it became my Afrobeats beach party. The end.

• Spent the afternoon at the local school, Stung Themy, teaching English to the local children and playing games with them.

• Experienced a Khmer massage at the Secret Corner Residence. If you think Thai massages are hardcore, wait until you have one of these!

• Visited Angkor Wat, the biggest religious monument in the world. I bought a 1-day pass, and I underestimated how much there was to see and take in.

Food

The food in Siem Reap was amazing. Rice is the go to. There is an abundance of fruit available. Fresh smoothies and juices are available in every restaurant. You will have to get used to some of your meals coming with a fried egg on top of it, even when it isn’t mentioned on the menu. But when I say amazing, the food was always well seasoned, not spicy but flavoured, and the curries were extra saucy. I hate going places and they are stingy on the sauce. I’m extra I know, but I don’t like eating dry rice!

I didn’t hold back with eating in Siem Reap. I was in a constant state of hunger and forever ready to eat a curry, (even in 30 plus degree weather). Pub Street ,also known as Street 8, is known for its luxury and high-end restaurants that naturally give you less for your money but I really wanted to eat my amok curry out of banana leaves so I was found there at dinner times singing along with live bands. You can get funky dishes like frog there. But at all other times, I was a regular on Sok San road. I would eat 2 lunches there daily and I also grew an unhealthy obsession with fresh avocado and coconut smoothies.

By Siem Reap’s ‘Art Center night market’ there are food stalls. The stalls are on the side of the road, and there is a dining area on the pavement. No joke, my dinner there hit the spot. It worked out being noodles, with some greens and King prawns. With a fried egg thrown in for extra measure, of course! But that meal sweet me so good and the sauce was litty! The food isn’t ‘Instagram pic worthy’ but the flavours were everything.

Food Recommendations

Amok fish curry: A creamy curry with coconut milk as a base which is seasoned with turmeric, lemongrass and other ground spices. You can have it with chicken but it’s not the same. For aesthetic purposes get it in banana leaves, it’s the traditional way and it just looks nicer.

Lok Lak: Lightly fried strips of beef, with salad on the side and a fried egg on top. It comes with granules on the side and a wedge of lime which makes the sauce.

Khmer Curry: A chicken curry stew with carrots and potatoes inside.

Wrap Up

Siem Reap really has my heart and for sure it is somewhere that I would go back to. My friend described it as a hippy city and they aren’t my exact words but I agree that it really is that chilled, “everything gon’ be alright” sort of place. Bohemian would be my one word. Yes, Siem Reap is bohemian. Everyone, there is friendly, community-focused and give off positive energy. It’s not an expensive city yet allows you to experience the good-good life with spas, delicious food, boutique hotels all being accessible to you. If I ever have to skip the UK, I’m pretty sure you’ll find me in Siem Reap pretending to be humble.

Kingdom of Souls - The Last Witchdoctor

By Rena Barron

Publisher: Harper Voyager

Released: 2019

Genre: Fantasy

Watch the Breakdown

This story is all about betrayal, love and adventure. Where myths and hear-say become reality or at least part of it. Magic is everywhere around Arrah, she can see it but she can’t use it. Arrah comes from a lineage of important witchdoctors on both sides of her family. Her father, the son of the Aatari tribe’s leader, even calls her ‘Little Priestess’ Which makes it all the more disappointing that she can’t channel what should be her birthright. She craves magic. And whilst lurking in the shadows, where she shouldn’t be, discovers that there is a way to call magic, but it comes at a proper cost. It takes years away from your life, literally.

Whilst visiting her family in the tribal area for the Blood Moon Festival, Arrah goes through a yearly ritual of tests with the Chieftain, her grandmother, to try and awaken her magic. She’s coming up to the age of sixteen, no one has ever come into magic naturally after that age. Even her grandmother breaking the ancestral ritual bringing Arrah into the magic circle doesn’t awaken it. One thing that does come out of that festival is a vision that her grandmother has, and the fact that there is a green-eyed serpent hovering around Arrah. A strong one that challenges her grandmother and brings fear to her.

When children start going missing from her town, Arrah makes the ultimate sacrifice in order to catch the child snatcher, by trading her years. Familiars keep appearing around her city. They are said to be the souls that got lost, where they appear death follows. Finding the child snatcher is just the beginning of Arrah’s worries though and the journey she sets out on is testing. The fate of the world is in her hands, and each time she uses magic she’s dying. Can she make things right before she runs out of time?

I don’t want to ruin the story. But I’ll say that when you insert green-eyed demons, cravens, orishas and a half-human half-demon into the mix the plot is popping.

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“The green-eyed serpent.” Grandmother says after a weary breath, “is said to be a symbol of demon magic.”

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Is that how you’re feeling yeah

The book is so refreshing. Partly because of the timing, and because it is just magical. The story is about magic but the plot, the content and the characters all added to the sparkle. How would I describe the book? Definitely intense, very intense, real dark, fascinating, and unpredictable. The book had me attention from start to finish, and one night I actually stayed up all night because finishing the book seemed more important than sleeping. (P.S: I like my sleep)

When I went to my bookcase I had one rule. I was not going to pick up a book about race or racism. That didn’t mean the book I picked up would be good though! Spoiler: this book is a full blown fireworks display litty! This is my first time reading Rena Barron and I connect with her writing.

I felt that there were quite a few characters but they all had a purpose. That’s usually my complaint, “why so many characters?” But the clear connection and bonds made even someone who wasn’t around for long like little Kofi make me feel emotion when he was killed. I enjoyed the other characters coming into their own more and more towards the end of the book. Because it’s a 3 part series, I’m hoping this is a set up to get to know them more.

The book was oozing in details. A lot of detail went into the characters physically, especially the 5 different tribes and their attributes. With all that detail, take away the fact that I can’t sew, I could definitely creatively direct the wardrobe for the cast if a movie were to be made. *Just throwing it out there*

I’m feeling sentimental but this is why I’m so big on diverse voices and authors. I was ready to rule out fantasy books. The few I’d read just didn’t do it for me. Even though the book is fantasy you can picture and clearly feel the inspiration from the African continent. I’d say in particular West Africa. The different tribes, calling on the ancestors for support when facing challanges and the overall spirituality throughout the book are uplifting and pay homage.

The Orisha’s/ God’s input were valuable. Every now and then there would be a dialogue, only a couple of pages, of them reflecting on things. I’d describe it as someone whispering in your ear a story whilst the main plot is brewing. I looked forward to those parts because I knew what was going on in the story, but the WHY element was sometimes unclear. The Orisha’s always knew why.

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“The Aatiri do not walk or leap, for clouds of magic carry them. Grandmother’s silver locs coil on top of her head like a crown, and she wears half-dozen necklaces of teeth. The Aatiri are tall and lean with prominent cheekbones and wiry hair braided like mine. Their skin is as beautiful as the hour of ösana.”

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Favourite Character

Arrah was my favourite character. She had so much depth to her and even though was scared she was always courageous. Arrah’s journey was really something. I think though that even if the children hadn’t disappeared she would have still found an excuse to call magic. Cravings and attachment really can be your downfall.

The bond between Arrah and her father made me love Arrah’s character even more, as a stand alone character he wasn’t special but how he loved and cherished her and knowing the love she had for him was everything.

It was a hard choice picking my favourite character in this book, because the characters all felt very real. They weren’t just names or faces. They had so much substance.

It Hit me When

When I read through my notes and thought about how the theme of love was explored throughout the book: The sacrifices people are willing to make for love. How those that claim to love you can hurt you the most. How love can make you blind. When the main character Arrah found out who was kidnapping the children, it was a heart stopping moment. Imagine thinking you know someone truly, then you find out the cruel things they are capable of doing.

Length

439 pages, which includes an interview right at the end with the author Rena Barron. It was the perfect length, and I saw on instagram that the sequel is coming out soon!

Seasoning Level

CO2 | Salt | Pepper | Mixed Herbs | All Purpose Seasoning

The big quote

“Blood rains down on the Kingdom. Puddles of it turn into lakes and lakes turn into raging rivers.”

What city to visit in Cambodia?

I crossed the border from Vietnam into Cambodia in February 2020. Before booking to go Cambodia, I had no prior knowledge of the country, except that Angelina Jolie had adopted her son from there. But my gut said that I would love it in Cambodia. If I listened to the views of others about Cambodia I would have skrr’d and not visited. Turns out half the people with a negative opinion had heard stories “through the grapevine” and hadn’t even been to Cambodia. You might be stuck with the question, what city do I go to? So I’m breaking down the differences when it comes to staying in Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia, and Siem Reap.

Vibe

Siem Reap is all about community life. The people are super friendly and chilled. Solo travel would be ideal in this city as you can be alone but not feel lonely. There’s also the option to fully immerse yourself in the community. I was able to enter a school and be part of a 2 hour English class on the day.

Phnom Penh is more lively and gives off an “every man for themselves” feel. I was warned by hotel staff to stay alert as people stay ready to steal your phone in public. My friend was out and about one night and someone on a motorbike attempted to steal the phone of someone she was with.

*Siem Reap wins on the vibe for me. Even though I’m “anti” I like to feel welcome when I travel!*

Hotels

In both cities, I stayed in cute hotels with swimming pools. The places that I stayed in were both away from the party area, which was a must after the areas I’d stayed in before. In Phnom Penh I stayed in Okay Boutique Hotel and in Siem Reap I stayed in The Secret Corner Unique Residence

*Siem Reap wins on the hotel front. The hotel in Siem Reap was a boutique and therefore much more intimate. Plus the staff dropped us to venues in the area which was sweet*

Things To Do

Siem Reap is the closest city to Angkor Wat, also known as the city of temples. It is a major tourist attraction and the largest religious monument in the world. So a big big deal! People come from around the world to visit there, and spend anything from 1,2 and 3 days exploring. Tomb Raider was also filmed there I believe. In Siem Reap there is also a man-made beach club, which was a motive once I took over the music. They usually have live DJ sets.

Phnom Penh offers a detailed remembrance of the Cambodian Genocide and has buildings to highlight their history. You can visit the Killing Fields and S21 to learn about what happened during the Khmer Rouge era. There are also various temples and the beautiful Presidential Palace that you can visit. The views and architecture are proper breathtaking. Plus if cats are your thing they have cat cafes in this city. (They make me itch but the cafes are popular)

*Phnom Penh wins with things to do. There is just so much to see. I’m big on learning about historical events and culture in general and this city provides the biggest variety*

The Presidential Palace Grounds - Phnom Penh

Angkor Wat - Siem Reap

Markets

Phnom Penh has really lively night markets that include live bands, food stalls and clothes galore. The Russian Market and Central Market are the most popular. I got lost in the Central Market and panicked majorly because there was so much going on. They sell everything from suitcases, jade bracelets, clothing, to woodwork there.

Siem Reap has a day market just off of Pub Street, and a night market by the lake. The products are quite repetitive though. Once you’ve seen a few vendors you’ve seen them all!

*Phnom Penh wins with their markets. There are more choices and extras.*

Food Places

Phnom Penh offers river trips where you can dine on the boat. It’s a nice experience but the river isn’t appealing at all. Food stalls in the Russian night market offer floor seating and the items you put into a basket get cooked in front of you which is an experience. The restaurants and bars on the main strip were very western. And the stalls around the city were surrounded by rubbish bags, horrific smelling with dust around them. That whole set up made me feel uncomfortable so I avoided the food stalls in Phnom Penh. The only aroma I like to smell is the good stuff coming from my food.

Siem Reap has Pub Street where luxury restaurants are situated and bars. Big prices, minimal food, the usual set up. But just around the corner literally, on the side of the road by the lake bridge, there are stalls that provide the best food you’ll have in Cambodia. You’re sitting on plastic chairs at a table for primary school children but the energy and food is everything.

*Siem Reap wins here but it really comes down to preference on this one. Either way, the food in Cambodia is amazing though.*

Wrap Up

When I add up the sections Siem Reap wins. I 100% had a more enjoyable experience in Siem Reap. I’m not anti-Phnom Penh though and I’m happy I visited the city. Ultimately, I learned what I needed to about the country’s past which was my sole focus for visiting that city. There’s nothing that would pull me back to Phnom Penh, whereas with Siem Reap it’s the sort of place I would continuously go back to. It’s comforting and vibezy. I could see Siem Reap as a base for someone who could work remotely and just wanted to live and breathe freely.

If you want some in-depth deetz from my experience in each of the cities read ‘Frizzy’s guide to … Phnom Penh or Siem Reap

My Post Lockdown Travel Bucket List

As lockdown in England and various countries around the world eases up I’m thinking more and more about where I want to jet set off to. I know I’m not alone with the conflicting internal dilemma of “I need to resume my catching flights and feelings” to “I need to sit my backside in my house and stay safe.” Either way I hope my bucket list will inspire you to start thinking of your next getaway.

Tunisia

Tunisia, in North Africa is basically my second home, specifically the city of Monastir. I’ve been going for the past 7 years and at this point, I don’t stay even stay in hotels anymore. I can 100% that I have an authentic Tunisian experience and also a whole extended family out there. Word I’m an honorary Tunisian. I love how familiar Tunisia feels to me. I also discover somewhere new in Tunisia each year. Last year I discovered Sidi Bou Said, a small blue and white town just outside the capital, Tunis. I’ve been screaming for years that Tunisia is really underrated.

Italy

I don’t visit European countries as much as I could (for someone based in England) but I swear by Italy. I’ve visited Italy twice, and I fell in love with Rome. The energy that I get from being in Italy is so electrifying. I walk around in awe of all the architecture and colours. Also, I have to be honest, I’m a really fussy eater and I’ve never eaten a meal in Italy that hasn’t hit the spot!

Israel

I’ve never been to Israel. I want that brand new experience and I’ve always been intrigued by the country. I’ve had no exposure to Israeli culture or food so I’m excited to be a complete newbie. My ga’mama is religious and has been there twice in the past 5 years. She loves it, I mean we are definitely going for different reasons, but I’ve heard Tel Aviv is popping and I’m due to find out for myself. I also really want to cross over into Palestine.

Ethiopia

I’ve been saying that I really want to travel around East Africa for a while now. Ethiopia, known as the horn of Africa is first on my list. When I think of Ethiopia I think of vibrancy and a nation with a legacy. Interesting fact: Ethiopia is the one country in Africa that was never colonised! Growing up, one of my home girl’s was Ethiopian and the food that her mum cooked…ouuu I can just taste the bread and food now. Addis Ababa sounds like the best place for me to start. As a Black woman, it’s really important to go and learn first hand about the continent of Africa.

The Seychelles

Despite the obvious beaches galore and sand for days, the islands of the Seychelles in the Indian Ocean is my mumma’s land. I want to go back see family and soak in all the love and food… I meant love and light that comes with being in the motherland. On a long term scale, I also have some ideas that I want to develop and work on out there.

A Frizzy Weekend In… Ho chi Minh

I go-go gadgeted to Vietnam during my month-long Southeast Asia trip. I figured if I was around that part of the world why not visit. Hanoi worked out being far off my route so I visited Ho Chi Minh.

First Impressions

I arrived in Ho Chi Minh really miserable I’m not even going to the front. My plane was delayed, and when I eventually got on the plane there was some child behind me acting unruly. Plus I had been feeling sick since the morning. Potential food poisoning before a flight is stress. Whilst travelling through the city, it was way more advanced then I thought it would be.

Money

When I went in February 2020, it was 29,000 Vietnamese Dong to £1. They use notes, no coins insight. I struggled to adjust to the Vietnamese currency because rather than saying 20,000 they cut the extra so say 2,000 so I was forever left guessing.

What I Did In Ho Chi Minh

• I visited the War Remnants Museum. There is some really graphic images and documents highlighting the horrors of what went down during the American- Vietnamese war. The effects of Agent Orange, you won’t be able to get out of your head!

• Attempted to visit the Pink Cathedral. It was under construction when I visited so I couldn’t even get in the grounds. Across the road from the Catherdral is a sweet spot though. The Pink Moment Cafe serves fresh juice and smoothies with the best view. Each floor has a different theme. (The Cathedral visits are always to make my Ga’mama happy, I was more interested in the cafe)

• Went and send postcards to my loved ones in Saigon Central Post Office. The building and architecture are beautiful.

• Chilled in Cong Vien Bach Ting Diep park. The scenery is everything there. Ho Chi Minh, in general, has a lot of green space.

• Haggled in Ben Thanh market. The market staff there are RUDE. You don’t have the option to look at their items, think about it and then come back later. They cuss you on the spot if you don’t buy. They take their potential sales very seriously, and their ego even more seriously.

Food

I felt so fragile when I arrived in Vietnam that I could only manage plain spaghetti on the first night. And I’m pretty sure I paid extra tax for being “a basic westerner”. I was a write off when it came to proper meals. I tried Pho, fresh spring rolls and random food at the night market and I wasn’t impressed one little bit. I’m usually a big-time foodie. The one thing I can recommend though is boiled cassava with shredded coconut on top. You can get them from stalls around the city. Sticky coloured rice is a thing in Ho Chi Minh. Anything goes hahaaa.

I’m guilty of being basic but I promise to always give it to you straight, I went to KFC in Ho Chi Minh. I was feeling so sensitive that I needed something to remind me of back home. #sorrynotsorry

If you’re feeling experimental there’s a whole leap of live seafood that you can buy from Ben Thanh Market, snails, crab etc. I saw a turtle and switched right off. I’m not on PETA level, but I think that turtles are my friends not food!

Ouuu also, if you want good dessert make sure you visit Roseice parlour. A cute pink shop that I randomly found. The layout reminded me of a scene from the Greece lightning movie. Premium gelato, boujie ice cream I’m here for all the way with the prettiest designs.

Say What Now!

One pull factor for me booking my hotel in Ho Chi Minh was the spa facilities. Swimming pool and sauna. Turns out the swimming pool had a pipe in/around it, so I swerved on that. And when attempting to check out the sauna there was a man right next to it sleeping. I don’t need that sort of stress!

I would avoid local restaurants in the party areas. Tourists that aren’t paying for the drinks of the women that work there get pretty much ignored. The woman who should have brought the drink you ordered 10 minutes ago could well be sitting on the lap of whatever westerner bought her a drink. The vibe is off. On one occasion one of the owner’s tried to stroke my hand and do the most after my meal.

Swipe Left on Cons

Learn from me not being on my A-game. I fell victim to the coconut con. It happened so fast that by the time I realised it didn’t add up it had happened and the man was gone. I was charged 150,000 Dong for a coconut (About £5.20) A small coconut as well. £5 weren’t going to break my bank, but my man legit made a nice killing, and he did it to like 4 of us at one time. It’s the principle. The taxi driver also tried to pull a fast one, but I don’t play round 2 to stupidity. The taxi fare will say like 20,000 Vietnamese dong and they will try to add another 0 to it as the fare. He got dismissed.

Wrap Up

Ho Chi Minh had some good places to visit, but the vibe just didn’t light my soul. The energy was off, and the motorcyclists were so unruly out there that crossing the road was problematic and basically a stunt mission. Unless I went with someone who was Vietnamese I wouldn’t fast up myself to visit the city again. There’s nothing magical about the city. The only great thing to come from Ho Chi Minh was my £3 hair cut. Actually and I bought some £2 jeans from a random store. They are really cute. Watch my mini Ho Chi Minh vlog here to get a proper feel of the vibe.